


A Storm We're Meant to Ride

by galia_carrots



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: F/M, Family, Gen, hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:39:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 64,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galia_carrots/pseuds/galia_carrots
Summary: Life doesn't always take the turns we expect, and on a fateful day 7 years ago Trip's life took a turn that completely blind sided him, but he made it work for his daughter. Now 7 years after T'Pol abandoned them both their lives are taking one unexpected turn after another and the broken little family is doing their best to weather the storm.
Rework of Synesthesia





	1. Harbinger

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here we are, November 30th, the last day of NaNoWriMo. This fic was my NaNoWriMo project this year and I did hit 50k with it, though as far as writing goes I'm still 6 chapters from the end so it's definitely a bit of a long fic. This fic is a rework of my first project Synesthesia, the core concepts are the same but a lot of the extra unnecessary and rather confusing drama has been removed. I put in a lot of work on this fic and I'm really happy with where it's going and what the ending will be.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the reboot and let me know what you think.
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 1

_I could love you in the falling rain,_  
Grab your things this is a storm we're meant to ride  
Like synesthesia aboard a stalling plane  
It's like we're only flying for awhile,  
Flying for awhile

_And I see colors when I hear your voice_   
_Grab your wings they're putting gravity on trial_   
_I see colors, I don't fear the choice_   
_Sometimes we're only flying for awhile_

_"Synesthesia" by Andrew McMahon_

* * *

 

It's a warm evening in June, the San Francisco sun setting in the sky and T'Pol is about to make a very selfish decision. Not the most selfish one she's ever made, but it's definitely up there. She's curled on the couch, a PADD in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, she'd originally opened the PADD with the intent of writing to Trip, but with the PADD now open to a list of active duty positions she can't help but open one of them.

_Position – First Officer/Science Officer_

_Ship – NX-01 Enterprise_

_Requirements – 4 years active duty experience, rank of Commander, good references, science degree_

_Application – contact Captain Jonathan Archer with resume, letter of recommendation from Admiral Gardner and history of Starfleet Service_

The position had been open a week now, with no one wanting to apply, it's unsurprising, with _Enterprise_ being decommissioned next June few would want to apply. Most of the new recruits and hopefuls were applying to the new class of ships which had officially launched two years ago. T'Pol has never really believed in fate but this position being open a week and her seeing it has to be something close, especially given why she'd about to contact Trip.

Contacting Trip was a selfish decision too, but at least it wasn't one that would affect their daughter, Trip would never have to tell Elizabeth that T'Pol had reappeared if she simply contacted him once. He could ignore her letter and continue with his life if he wished, or her could respond angrily telling her never to contact him again (which was probably the more likely of the two reactions).

If she returns to duty aboard Enterprise it could bring up uncomfortable questions, and even more uncomfortable answers, but those questions would come up eventually wouldn't they? Sooner or later Trip was going to have to sit down and explain to Elizabeth why her mother left, if Trip even knew himself. Trip was a good father he'd think of something to tell her, even if it was simply 'I don't know where she went, she just left one day' he'd still think of something.

Trip has always been a better father then she was mother, she'd struggled with every aspect of motherhood since they'd brought Elizabeth home from the Mars colony. Nursing was painful and Elizabeth's allergies meant she could only eat specific very bland things, sleeping almost never happened as Elizabeth was in sickbay every other night for something. Even something as simple as going to the bathroom caused them agony for Elizabeth seemed unnaturally prone to bladder infections and diaper rashes. Trip had taken everything in stride, meeting each thing as it came and bonding with Elizabeth along the way, but every time she was sick, or nursing became so painful she had to stop T'Pol only felt worse and worse. She'd hated being a mother, she'd tried for nearly 6 months to bond with her child to no avail. Finally when Enterprise was approaching Earth T'Pol had applied for last minute transfer and left, saying nothing to Trip or the Captain until the day before she was to leave.

At the time she'd been certain it was best for her daughter, that she was better off with Trip, the father who seemed to have been born to raise her. He could take care of her and it was best if T'Pol was just out of the picture because she wasn't meant to be a mother anyway. For years she'd felt as though she'd made the right choice, even when she became upset that she'd left her daughter she'd always been able to calm the guilt by reminding herself just how bad a mother she'd been.

Until six months ago, six months ago she'd finally gone to see a psychiatrist to discuss what had happened. When he'd told her she wasn't actually a bad mother at all, it had been Post-Partum Depression making her think that way and driving her to leave she'd argued. Vulcans didn't get Post-Partum Depression and even if they did, she hadn't given birth to Elizabeth. She had no reason to be depressed over it. The argument had prompted a call to a Vulcan psychiatrist, Vulcans most certainly _did_ get Post-Partum Depression and though adoption was rare on Vulcan it had been seen in human mothers with their adopted infants. Dr. Wong just had to go and mess with everything, he'd been the one to suggest she write to Trip to talk about what happened, that even if he was mad at her it would help her get some closure, and ultimately that led her here. To the application.

She looks over at the Cacti lined up neatly on her window sill, trying to push the guilt back down and to keep herself from making an emotional decision. It doesn't work, and she taps the screen again and a new file opens up.

_Admiral Gardner,_

_You have my sincerest apologies when I say I will not be returning to teach Physics at STC next month, though I enjoy teaching I have found the idea of returning to active duty more appealing. To do this I require a letter from the admiral and I am hoping you would write one for me._

_Thank you for your time_

_Commander T'Pol_

It's not the prettiest letter but Admiral Gardener has always appreciated conciseness. She doesn't expect to fool him either, he knows she hates teaching at STC but has wanted to stay with Starfleet. She hits send and gets up, the neighborhood cat will be expecting her dinner on the fire escape soon and she doesn't want to linger on what she's decided to do much longer.

* * *

 

Trip kisses Elizabeth on the forehead. "I'll be in the Captain's quarters if you need anything you can call okay sweet heart?"

From her nest of purple bedding the blue eyed little girl nods. "Yes daddy I know how to find you. Can you make sure Porthos gets some cheese from me?"

"Alright, but just one piece, he's been gettin' a little chubby from all the cheese you've been sneaking him." Trip teases, turning the light off and stepping back into the main room.

Thankfully Elizabeth has gone down easily tonight, some nights she decides she wants to fight him about her bed time being 7:30. Trip grabs his communicator so Lizzie can call him if she needs to, - she's still too short to reach the one on the wall - and heads towards the Captain's quarters.

Trip doesn't usually leave Elizabeth by herself at night, but she'd insisted she'd be fine without a babysitter for one night and Jon had pointed out that she was eight-years-old and it wasn't like she could get into very much trouble in their quarters anyway. Jon was right but Trip still turned the communicator all the way up and made sure Lizzie's was open on her night stand, that way he could listen in on her if he had too.

From the sound of it Captain Archer needed him tonight. Probably to further prompt him to take the first officers position, the same one he'd turned down four times before. He wasn't really looking to get promoted, and with a child it wasn't like he had a lot of extra time to take on first officer's duties. Still, Jon was his best friend and he was going to do his best to keep him occupied.

"Evenin' sir." Trip grins as the door slides open. Jon is on the couch, Porthos next to him and a water polo game is playing on the monitor.

"Trip, about time you got here. Lizzie go down alright?" Jon asks, holding a beer out to Trip and motioning for him to sit next to Porthos.

"Yeah she went down, fine, wants me to give Porthos a piece of cheese though." He grins, taking the beer and sitting on the couch. "What game?"

"Stanford vs. Florida State." Jon chuckles. "You know for a peninsula, you guys suck at water polo."

"Kicked your ass in football though." Trip reminds him, sitting back and taking a long drink from the bottle. "You solved our first officer problem yet?"

Jon grimaces. "Don't remind me, I really thought Commander Debroux would stick around, at least until we're decommissioned."

Commander Debroux had been their Science Officer and First Officer for the last two years, and it really had looked like she would see it through to the end. But when she'd been offered a promotion that would allow her to spend more time on Earth with her family she'd taken it. Not that Trip could blame her. If he'd been able to, he'd have taken Lizzie back to Earth and settled with her in Florida, but with her immune system they hadn't had that luxury.

"Maybe we should promote from within the science department?" Trip suggests.

"That solved the Science Officer problem but not my First Officer problem." Jon sighs. "No one there has enough experience to be First Officer, are you sure you don't want the position?"

"Yeah Captain, I'm sure." Trip sighs. "I got a kid to raise, I have to be home for dinner, not still workin' after shift ends. I'm sure you'll find someone."

"It's been a week that the application has been open Trip, no one's applied. It's time to face facts that no one wants this rust bucket anymore." Jon scratches Porthos behind the ears.

"Rust bucket?!" Trip says, feigning offence. "I take that as a personal insult this thing is flyin' better then _Columbia_ and she's two years older." Trip took pride in this fact, he'd cared for this ship like it was his baby, but she was gettin' older. Even with the best care the engine model she'd been built with could only fly so long and through so much, the Delphic Expanse and Romulan War had taken their toll. It was time for the old girl to retire.

"That doesn't stop her from being decommissioned, does it? And no one wants to serve under a Captain who will be gone in a year anyway." Jon sighs. Trip knows he's not saying anything but he knows Jon is thinking that he wishes T'Pol were back.

"Well you ain't gonna find one like T'Pol again sir." He says quietly.

"I wasn't going to say that." Jon frowns.

"You were thinkin' it." Trip says.

There's a few moments of silence as they watch the game blankly. "How long has it been?"

"7 years to the day." Trip takes another drink and sighs. "7 years and I still don't know why."

"Have you thought about contacting her?" Jon asks.

"I think about it every day, but then I think about what I would say. I sure as hell have a right to be angry, I mean what kind of person just transfers without telling anyone?" Trip sighs.

"Trip I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be, she went above your head to do it. Which gives me the impression that she was so desperate to get away from us that it didn't matter what any of us said, she'd have done it. I just wish she'd had the guts to look us in the face and tell us she wanted to transfer. Instead she told me she was transferring and Elizabeth would better off with me." Trip mutters angrily.

Jon sits next to him almost stunned into silence. "I think she was struggling Trip." He says quietly. "Elizabeth was a tough baby, always sick, she's still always sick. I think she struggled with that and neither of us noticed."

"Then how come she didn't say anything?" Trip sighs. "If she was struggling I'd've helped, she knows I'd've helped. There's a difference between struggling with a sick kid and leaving your child. I struggle with her when she's sick and I never once thought that I should leave. If you ask me leaving seems like a pretty cowardly way out. Maybe she just didn't want to be a mother anymore."

"Maybe she didn't know how to ask." Jon points out. "T'Pol was never very good at asking for help in the first place, maybe she just didn't know what to say, or who she could go to."

"Me, she could've gone to me." Trip sighs. "But moping about it now won't help anything. It's just the anniversaries make me miss her, and Lizzie looks so much like her now doesn't she?"

"She does yeah, definitely looks more like T'Pol then you, the hair, the uh ears." Jon smiles. "And I have a feeling if T'Pol was a little more emotional she and Elizabeth would be a lot alike too."

"Nah, Lizzie's a hell of a lot like my sister." Trip chuckles, taking another drink of his beer. "Teenage years are gonna be fun, at least we'll be trapped on a Starship, not able to run off with boys past her curfew on a Starship."

"She'll still be one hell of a teenager from what you've told me about your sister." Jon chuckles.

"Yeah she probably will, I was pretty bad as a teenager too, though my MO was taking things apart at the worst of times and she already does that." Trip grins, putting the empty beer bottle in the trash next to the couch, then he stands up and stretches. "I should get going, I left Elizabeth alone and that makes me nervous, besides I got a few engineering logs I want to look over before bed."

"Alright, night Trip." Jon says, standing up and following him to the door.

"Night sir, see you at breakfast."


	2. The Summer You Knew Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at chapter 2, I am actually almost done writing the fic but until the entire story is finished I'll only be updating once a week. After Christmas I plan to update this fic and my Something Unpredictable series twice a week each, this fic is significantly easier to do that with because all I have to do is edit and post.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I'll see you again next week for chapter 3!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 2

_"Got no plans, just a feeling_  
I'm no architect at all  
There's a fan, on the ceiling  
And a telephone that you should call

_Are you home tonight?_  
Are you laying in bed watching black and white movies?  
All alone tonight  
Do you ever rewind to the summer you knew me?"

\- _"Black and White Movies" by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness_

* * *

After spending the entire morning putting off contacting Trip, T'Pol is finally out of excuses not to do it. She cleaned the apartment, tended the cacti, prepared meals for the next three days and spent an hour in the laundry room washing her clothes. She finishes hanging the last of her clothes on the rack out on the fire escape and sits down on the couch with a bowl of soup and her PADD.

She considers calling him, she'll have the benefit of being able to speak to him face to face and she'll be able to explain herself and answer any questions he'll have. He also won't be able to assume there's any implications in her words if she's speaking to him face to face, she'd be able to make herself clear. Calling out of nowhere after 7 years of not speaking or seeing one another might be a bit too shocking, he could fly off the handle instead and spend most of the call shouting at her as opposed to listening.

Writing seems the better option in that light, she could ask for a meeting, _Enterprise_ is in orbit after all, he'd be able to meet her. Asking for a meeting would allow the benefits of both without risking him shouting at her within earshot of Elizabeth, which could only lead to more potential issues. Yes writing is best.

She opens a file and addresses it to Trip.

_Dear Trip,_

_I apologize for contacting you after all this time, but I have heard Enterprise will be in orbit this week for a crew transfer. If you have time to come down to the surface I wish to meet with you, we have things we need to discuss that are better spoken about in person. I've finished teaching classes for the month and am free for the next week, pick a time and a meeting place._

_I hope you'll take this offer and return my message with a time and place though I'd certainly understand if you never wish to see me again. I wouldn't want to either but this is something you'll want to hear from me.  
_

\- _T'Pol_

T'Pol refrains from putting anything in about Elizabeth, even though she's curious. Her daughter would be around 8 now, and from what she'd looked like as a baby T'Pol was certain she looked just like her mother. Elizabeth had always reminded TPol of T'Les, the same expression of judgement T'Pol had grown up with seemed to lace the features of the infant. Having now spent 7 years with no Vulcan influence T'Pol guesses that same expression has probably been replaced by Trip's smile.

T'Pol finds herself in the bedroom with the intent of taking a shower, but instead ends up looking at the pictures on the dresser. A few months ago she'd put one of Trip and Lizzie up, Trip wearing that smile and Elizabeth a solemn expression. The resemblance to her mother really was uncanny and leaves her hoping Elizabeth looks more like Trip now. A sweet smile and her father's personality are probably better suited to a human ship then T'Pol's Vulcan tepidness would've been.

She strips off her clothes and goes into the bathroom, turning the shower onto high and stepping in. The hot water running over her begins to clear her head, a good thing except for the pit of doubt now settling in her stomach. Maybe contacting Trip wasn't such a good thing after all.

* * *

The shift in engineering had felt unusually long that evening and left him more ready then usual for the batch of new engineers Starfleet was sending up at the end of the week. Trip had quickly learned most of this team didn't come because they wanted to serve on _Enterprise._ She may have once been the best of the fleet once upon a time but now a days the new class of ship is far more exciting to most young recruits. Those who did sign on to _Enterprise_ were mostly the type who wanted to say they had served under him so they could get assigned to better positions on other ships. It wasn't a fact that surprised him, it happened with Malcolm's team in the armory and with the Command staff too. Most new comers these days wanted to work with the crew not the ship and in most areas of work it wasn't necessarily an issue. In Command it was probably a good thing, but in Engineering he needed his engineers to love that engine like he did, and he wasn't seeing much of that these days.

Shaking his head to clear it he steps into the turbo lift and pressed the button for E deck. With any luck Elizabeth would already be in the mess hall. He'll have to make sure she did her school work – lately she's been putting off doing English in favor of Math and Science, but after that he's looking forward to being able to have a quiet dinner with his daughter.

"What's up Lizzie-bug?" Trip grins, spotting his daughter at the first table.

She looks up from the PADD and scowls. "English reading. Hoshi says I have to do it, Do I really have to do it?"

"Yes you have to do it, that's how school works. How much is left?" He asks, looking over her shoulder at the PADD.

"Just this page." She mutters.

"Alright, you finish your page, I'll grab your dinner." Trip ruffles her hair and goes to get them each a plate.

Elizabeth's plate is clearly marked - it's got to be free of meats and dairy - her dinner is some sort of salad with what appears to be Plomeek leaves and some sort of nut. Trip grabs a sandwich for himself and balances two cups of water on each plate.

"Daddy you got a letter!" Elizabeth says, taking her plate from him.

"Who's it from?" Trip chuckles. Elizabeth loves to write him little letters after school and Trip always humors her by answering them.

"Someone named Commander T'Pol." Elizabeth says matter-of-factly, picking at her salad with a fork.

His heart nearly stops. "Who?"

"Commander T'Pol… Daddy are you okay?" Elizabeth frowns, putting her forkful of salad down.

"Um, yeah yeah it's fine. Look Daddy needs to go read this letter, so I'm gonna ask Miss Hoshi to come sit with you a minute. Okay?" He asks.

Elizabeth frowns. "Alright… but you promise you'll be back soon?"

"Yeah Princess, I promise." Trip nods, taking the PADD and kissing her hair, he motions to Hoshi who comes over. "Hosh, I got a letter from, T'Pol." He says quietly. "Can you sit with Liz a minute so I can read it."

"Sure." Hoshi nods, going to sit with Elizabeth. Trip steps out of the Mess hall and makes the short walk to his quarters before opening the letter.

_Dear Trip,_

_I apologize for contacting you after all this time, but I have heard Enterprise will be in orbit this week for a crew transfer. If you have time to come down to the surface I wish to meet with you, we have things we need to discuss that are better spoken about in person. I've finished teaching classes for the month and am free for the next week, pick a time and a meeting place._

_I hope you'll take this offer and return my message with a time and place though I'd certainly understand if you never wish to see me again. I wouldn't want to either but this is something you'll want to hear from me.  
_

\- _T'Pol_

Trip stares at the letter in stunned silence, reading it over once, then twice. Why after all these years T'Pol has finally decided to contact him? Out of the blue like they're old friends who lost touch? Like she hadn't abandoned him and their daughter one day.

Trip knows that he's supposed to go back to Elizabeth but he can't go right now. He presses the Comm button. "Hey baby girl." He says into it when Lizzie picks up. "I have to go talk to the Captain, finish dinner with Hoshi and I'll come tuck you in okay?"

"Okay Daddy…" Lizzie sighs on the other end.

"Thank you Princess." Trip says, pressing the button again for Jon. "Hey Captain, you got a minute?"

"What for Trip?"

"I think it's best we discuss this one in person." Trip sighs.

"Alright, I'll be in my ready room. Archer out."

Trip starts towards the bridge, his mind still spinning with questions, emotions still swirling inside him. Why now? Why after 7 years would T'Pol want to contact him now? If she wanted contact with Elizabeth what would he do? As far as Elizabeth was concerned – and really as far as Trip was concerned as well – her mother had walked out and wasn't coming back. Elizabeth didn't even know her name, or anything about her. She hasn't yet asked and Trip hadn't previously considered it an issue he needed to address until she brought it up.

He's so wrapped up in his thoughts he nearly runs into the ready room door.

"You okay Commander?" Commander Debroux asks with a small frown.

"Fine. Thanks. Just need to see the Captain." He mutters pressing the button to the ready room door and entering.

"What's going on Trip?" Captain Archer motions to the empty seat across from his desk, Trip holds out the PADD but doesn't sit down.

"I just got a letter from T'Pol." He mutters. "She wants a meeting."

"A letter from – what?" Jon asks, looking down at the PADD and reading it over once. "Why?"

"I don't know, won't say, she wants a response from me first and to talk in person." Trip gestures indignantly as he paces across the floor.

"Are you going to do it?" Jon frowns.

"What reason do I have to? If I do she could ask to see Elizabeth, and then what do I tell Elizabeth? 'Oh hey the mother who walked out on you wants to have dinner we're going to go'?" He sighs.

Jon is quiet for so long that Trip almost starts to speak again. "I think you should do it."

Trip's jaw drops and he looks over at his friend. "You what? Why?"

"Because I knew T'Pol, almost as well as you, and I know she wouldn't do something like this unless she really needed to talk to you." He says. "I think if she wants to set up a meeting you need to go or you're going to regret it. Even if she doesn't want anything more then to see you maybe it will give you a little closure you haven't gotten. You need the closure Trip."

"No I don't!" He snaps.

"Yes you do, you need to know why she really left because you still think it was you. I know you do." Jon says.

It's Trip's turn to be quiet, Jon is right, Trip still does think it's his fault. He still thinks there was something wrong with him that made T'Pol leave, and he still regularly searches his mind so he can try to fix it. "Yeah I know…"

"You need the closure Trip." Jon says gently.

"Yeah I do… Alright, alright I'll set a meeting, can you watch Lizzie on Saturday?" Trip sighs.

"Of course I can. You meet with T'Pol, and I want to hear about it when you're back." Jon nods.

"Yes sir, I'll get you the times tomorrow." He sighs.

"Want to stay for a drink?" Jon says reaching for two glasses from underneath the desk.

"No thanks, I promised I'd get Lizzie into bed." Trip sighs. "I'll talk to you in the mornin'. Night sir, thanks."

"Night Trip." Jon says.

When he gets back to his quarters Lizzie practically flies into his arms. "Daddy!"

"Hey baby girl, you ready for bed?" He grins, kissing her cheek and tapping her nose.

After putting Elizabeth to bed Trip lays down on the bed to compose a letter of his own to T'Pol. The first place he can think to meet is an old bar in the Excelsior district, the Eveleigh, he's been going there since he was a recruit in STC. He's good friends with the owner, a man named Jack owned the place and Trip had made a point to visit every time _Enterprise_ was in orbit. Jack was one of the few people who knew about T'Pol, and Trip knew he could count on a private seating area if he needs one.

_T'Pol,_

_I'll agree to the meeting, Saturday at 4pm, at the Eveleigh Bar in the Excelsior district. It's pretty easy to find, it's been there since 1996 and everyone knows where it is, you can just ask if you can't find it. We'll be early so it should be empty and allow us some privacy. You better have a damn good reason for this._

\- _Trip_


	3. The Eveliegh Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at Chapter 3, in which T'Pol and Trip finally sit down and have an all important conversation - only it doesn't really go as they had planned. 
> 
> I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter and I hope it answers a few questions about what was going on in the mind of T'Pol when she left Elizabeth because it is important to remember what was going on canonically at the time when they found Elizabeth. 
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 3

 _Man it’s so nice to see you again_  
Near that great blue pool in LA  
I close my book, move my bag, make some space  
Cause it’s time to give that song a break

 _Tell me now how these few years have been,_  
What is living to honor the past?  
‘I’ve been well’ I say through a smile  
These feelings they come and go fast

 _Light your cigarette, I see the fame in your eyes_  
 Sing me that new song you sing  
The time for you and I was never quite right  
That matters, it means everything

_-“Blue Pool” Vanessa Carlton_

* * *

 

                 T’Pol rounds the corner from the bus station, the Eveleigh is just down the block, she can see the sign from here. She slows her pace and represses a grimace, she’s well aware of the fact that this meeting will not go well.

                ‘ _It’s your own fault’_ She reminds herself. ‘ _You’re the one who wanted the meeting in the first place, and you’re the one who got the two of you in this situation.’_

                She hates being right sometimes, it seems to have gotten her little more then trouble in this case. Maybe she should’ve just ignored the psychiatrists suggestion of ‘finding closure’. That probably would’ve been easier, but with her application for the first officer position having already gone through, she’d have to face him eventually. It was probably for the better that he hear about this from her anyway, the last thing she needed was for him to have some sort of outburst in front of half the crew.

                Pulling the bar door open she shivers as the air conditioning blows across her skin, even in the summer San Francisco never seems to get warmer then winters on Vulcan. He doesn’t appear to be here, except for a few spots at the bar the establishment is empty, and quieter than most bars she’s been in. She looks at the clock on the wall, it’s 4:10 pm, she’s a bit late but not so late that Trip would leave.

                “You’re T’Pol right?”

                T’Pol turns and raises her eyebrows, the man who spoke looks to be in his 40s and is standing behind the bar, an employee from the looks of it. “Perhaps I am. Who wishes to know?” Years working for the ministry of defense on Vulcan had taught her to be cautious.

                “Trip’s in the back, around the corner, last booth on the right.” He says.

                “Thank you.” T’Pol says warily.

                She rounds the corner to see a row of booths tucked in the back, in the very last one on the right a head of blonde hair can be seen. Trip. More nervous now then she was before she walks the last few feet to the booth.

                “Hello Trip.” T’Pol says quietly, sliding into the empty seat. He’s got a beer in front of him and there’s what appears to be tea in front of her spot.

                “It’s peppermint. You still like that yeah?” Trip’s voice is more tired then it was the last time she heard it but it’s still Trip.

                “Thank you.” She says, looking him over. He’s certainly gotten older. Flecks of grey rest in his hair and there’s a few more wrinkles around his eyes then the last time she saw him but, it’s the same Trip. “Are you aware that the bartender knows both of our names?”

                “Yep, that’s Jack, I’ve been coming here since I was in STC.” Trip says.

                “I thought you went to the 602 club? This is nearly a 20 minute walk from STC’s dorms.” T’Pol says.

                “I went to the 602 if I was feeling social, I came here if I was down and would come and talk to Jack.” He says.

                “Down?”

                “Sad, kinda discouraged, happened a lot the first couple of years at STC.” Trip says. “I come every time I’m on Earth. I’ve known Jack for years, his daughter is the same age as Lizzie.”

                T’Pol takes a sip of tea, and there’s an awkward silence between the two of them. “How is Elizabeth?”

                Trip takes a swig of beer and sighs. “She’s alright, been sick a lot, but that’s pretty much normal. She’s always been sick, it’s never stopped her. She’s smart, she loves math, she’s already doing Algebra, but science is her favorite. She got a ‘ _Childs Introduction to Physics’_ book from Hoshi for her birthday and she’s been begging me to do basic physics for her next science course.”

                T’Pol can hear the pride in Trip’s voice. “She was always going to be smart, Vulcan children always are.”

                Trip digs through his pocket and pulls something out, sliding it across the table to her. “That’s her now, I took it a couple of days ago.”

                T’Pol looks down at the photo. Elizabeth has changed so much from the photo she has on her dresser, her hair is long, thick and dark, and her ears are elegantly pointed but aside from that, T’Pol thinks she looks like Trip. Her eyes are bright blue and Trip’s familiar smile is stretched across her face, T’Pol touches the picture with her other hand. “She looks just like you.”

                “No she doesn’t.” Trip shakes his head, taking another drink of beer and looking her over. “She looks like you…” He watches her for a long time and when he finally speaks again his voice his shaky. “Wh-why did you leave her? Sh-she needed you.”

                T’Pol looks down into her tea cup for a moment, then back up at Trip and then she whispers; “I left because I  thought it was best for her.”

                “Bullshit.” Trip spits.

                “I was never meant to be a mother – or I didn’t think I was.” T’Pol says shakily. “I thought it would be better for all of us if Elizabeth had you and didn’t have me.”

                “H-how could that even have entered your mind T’Pol?” Trip whispers, his blue eyes blinking tears of anger back.

                “I don’t know.” She lies. “I thought if I left Elizabeth would be happier, but I’ve started to doubt that. I’ve been seeing a doctor for several months now, discussing what happened and he’s the one who suggested I contact you but –“

                “So you didn’t even contact me because you came around and decided it was time to explain yourself? You contacted me because some shrink thinks you need closure. _You._ Like none of that matters to your child? Or to me? Like we haven’ been wondering for 7 years what we did or why you left!” Trip is raising his voice, their private conversation just became a lot less private.

                “If you’ll just listen, it’s more then that I contacted you because _I_ wanted to and because there’s something I need to tell you.” T’Pol says, forcing herself not to raise her voice or to sound desperate.

                “Well save it. Because I’ve spent 7 years wanting to say this to you. You are a coward T’Pol, and our daughter is wonderful but none of that is because of you. It’s because she grew up loved despite your perverted idea that she’d be better off without you.” He pulls a stack of photos out of his pocket and tosses them on the table. “There, that’s everything you missed, and I never want to hear from you again.”

                He turns and walks out of the bar, leaving her alone at the table in a stunned silence, she picks up the photos, there’s at least 100 of them, most of Elizabeth, standing up, reading a book, losing a tooth. Realizing that she too is starting to become somewhat emotional she stacks the photos quickly and puts them in the pocket of her jacket. She sits silently for a few more minutes, scolding herself for not telling him about her possible positioning on Enterprise sooner. Once she’s sure she won’t run into him out on the street she stands up and leaves the bar as quickly as she can.

 

* * *

 

                Trip pays as quickly as he can, thanks Jack and walks out of the bar. The late afternoon sun is warm as he walks along the street to the nearest cab stand. He’s not due back on _Enterprise_ for another couple of hours but he doesn’t know what else to do but head back to the shuttle port.

                “Starfleet Shuttle Port please.” Trip tells the cab driver, settling into the back seat and buckling the seat belt.

                He looks out the window, still in a daze over what happened. How can T’Pol really have used ‘she’d be better off with you’ as an excuse? As if Elizabeth was some kind of puppy, not their daughter who needed a mother and a father to support her. Trip had managed pretty well, that was true, but there were still things that had confused him, things T’Pol could’ve helped with. When Elizabeth didn’t say a word until she was two and then started talking in full scentences oneday Trip had rushed her to Phlox – who in turn assured him it was a normal part of Vulcan development and Elizabeth seemed to be showing more Vulcan traits this far. Where was T’Pol when Elizabeth started sleeping less and less at night and cut out naps all together because Vulcan children only needed 8 hours of sleep a day? Even more importantly where was T’Pol the first – and only – time Elizabeth uttered the words “I want Mommy…”?

                “You okay sir?” The cab driver asks, looking at him in the rearview mirror.

                Trip realizes he’s crying and wipes his eyes. “Yeah sorry, just uh – meeting with the ex.”

                “Oh that’s rough. You sure you want to go to the shuttle port? I’d head to a bar after a meeting with my ex.” The cabby chuckles.

                “Yeah I’m sure, I have to get back.” He mutters. Looking back out the window, he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to talk.

                Once at the shuttle port he pays the cab driver and goes into the small building. The next shuttle for _Enterprise_ doesn’t leave for an hour and it’s a supply shuttle, but he’ll be able to catch a ride. He goes over to the small café to wait for his shuttle, maybe he should’ve gone to a bar like the cabby suggested. Never mind that now, he’s here, he orders a coffee and takes an empty seat at the back, playing the meeting over in his head again.

                T’Pol had something else she’d wanted to tell him and he hadn’t stayed long enough to hear it> not that it would change how he was feeling about her at the moment – and that wasn’t particularly positively – and he didn’t really care to hear it anyway. Still he can’t stop lingering on her words ‘ _I was never meant for motherhood’._ It reminded him of something his mother had said to him when Elizabeth was little.

                _“After Albert was born I struggled a lot, didn’t really think I was meant for motherhood,’_

                His mother had only spoken briefly about it shortly after she first met Elizabeth, but she had mentioned she had Post-Partum Depression after his brother was born Could Vulcans even get Post-Partum Depression? It doesn’t really seem like the kind of thing that Vulcans would get, in truth it hadn’t really occurred to him to ask about it, but even that was no excuse for leaving your child. If she’d been depressed she should’ve gotten help or talked to him about it, not left her child one day out of blue. Doing that made her a coward, at least in Trip’s book.

               

* * *

 

                It’s nearly 9pm by the time Jonathan Archer sits down to check for First Officer applications, Trip had returned from the meeting early and from the way he spoke about it hadn’t gone very well. Jon had invited Trip and Lizzie to join him for dinner, and Jon hung around after Elizabeth went to bed to listen to Trip about what had happened with T’Pol. Trip had told him everything and while Trip was right, there was no excuse for T’Pol to have left her daughter if T’Pol had been depressed it was Jon’s job to notice, not Trip’s.

                In hindsight, he should’ve made them both get counseling after Elizabeth was discovered. A baby was a lot to drop on the most stable of people and neither Trip or T’Pol had really been stableat the time. T’Pol was only a year off of the toxic substance Trellium-D, was dealing with new emotions and the death of her mother and Trip was still trying to sort through his feelings about the death of his sister and how he felt for T’Pol. After T’pol left Trip had decided on his own to get counseling, seeing as he’d had to been both mother and father to a very sick little girl.

                _You can’t change the past Jon_ he reminds himself, pushing the thoughts out of his head and opening the file of first officer applications. He’s surprised to see one, there’s only one so he opens it knowing he’s already found his first officer. Upon seeing who the applicant is he has to refresh the file and rub his eyes to make sure he’s seeing this right.

                Why would T’Pol want to return now? After all this time, would she really infringe on her daughter and Trip’s lives this much? And right now, less then a year before the ship gets mothballed? She could’ve taken the Captain’s exam and been given a nice new ship of her own. ‘ _No she couldn’t,’_ he reminds himself, Starfleet changed the regulations a few years ago, anyone applying for Captaincy has to have served on an active ship for at least 6 months within 12 months of taking the exam. Why choose _Enterprise_ though? With her history she’d get a spot on any ship in a heartbeat, any Captain would be a fool to turn her down. _He_ would be a fool to turn her down, especially as she’s his only applicant – a fact she probably knew. He doesn’t really have much choice.

 

_Commander T’Pol,_

_I am happy to inform you that you have been accepted to resume your position as first officer aboard Enterprise. Your letter of recommendation and history of service make you perfect for this position, you are expected at the shuttle port at 0800 hours on Tuesday the 25 th of June 2161 and your first day of duty will begin later that same day._

_Now that we’re done with the formal part of your statement I have to assume this is why you wanted the meeting with Trip. I’m also going to assume that this is thing you wanted to tell him before he walked out on you at the bear. As he doesn’t know I’ll have to be the one to tell him since I’m not fond of springing this on him or any of the senior staff unannounced. I don’t know what he’ll want to do regarding Elizabeth but I’ll leave the two of you to sort that out amongst yourselves, I look forward to having you back._

_-Captain Jonathan Archer_

                Jon hits send and sits back in his chair, breakfast with Trip won’t be very fun tomorrow.


	4. The Weight of Family and The Pull of Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, chapter 4 is more of a filler chapter and things pick up again in Chapter 5. As of now I plan to update chapter 5 on time but we're going away that week so it depends on when we get to our pension and how good the wifi is. 
> 
> TFTV might not be getting updated this week, I plan on updating normally but it is Christmas this week and though Friday is the 23rd we are spending a lot of time as a family (Time we don't usually get these days) 
> 
> In addition to those two things I'm having some technically difficulties. I'm actually updating this from my sisters 2012 Dell laptop with windows 7 because my laptop has decided the fans don't want to work (long story). I'm hoping to get that fixed this week but if that doesn't happen I'll be writing on my Drive (where this entire fic is saved thank god) until it does and since this computer is 5 years old and slow I don't know how much I'll be able to keep up with. As of now TFTV will be the only thing affected by this because this fic is saved entirely on Drive, but TFTV I actually sit down, write, edit and post all in one night on Fridays. If I can't get that done this week then I'll upload another chapter of this on Friday as well. 
> 
> Okay after that incredibly long AN here we go. Chapter 4
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 4

_ “You try your hardest to leave the past alone _ _   
_ _ This crooked posture is all you’ve ever known _ _   
_ _ It is the consequence of living in between _ _   
_ __ The weight of family and the pull of gravity”

 

__ -“Heirloom” Atlas: Year One by Sleeping At Last _ _

* * *

 

 

After leaving the bar she’d gone to the Vulcan Compound to have dinner at the small restaurant that served Vulcan food. Though the Plomeek broth had been somewhat lacking – it always is on Earth – it had been comforting to eat foods from her own world after such a turbulent dinner with Trip. She never had gotten to tell him that she had applied to return to  _ Enterprise  _ – a position she felt certain she’d be getting as no one else was interested on serving aboard a vessel set to be decommissioned in 11 months. She assumes Trip will talk with Captain Archer once he returns and that once her application has been read the Captain will know what it was she called Trip there for in the first place. 

By the time she gets to her apartment it’s dark outside, she flicks on the lights as the door closes behind her and immediately sees the cat is out on the fire escape. She goes over to the cupboard and gets a dish and a can of cat food and pushes it out the window for the cat. For a brief moment she worries about who will feed the cat once she’s gone, over the last several years she’s grown attached to the animal. Even bringing her inside on nights where it was particularly cold.  She closes the window to afford both the cat and herself some privacy and goes into the bedroom. 

Pulling out the first set of pajamas she sees – the warm purple ones – she changes quickly and returns to the kitchen. She puts the tea on before settling on the couch to check the status of her application. She’s surprised when she sees that she’s gotten a response already, she opens it and scans it quickly. The message tells her she has the position – not really something she’s surprised by – and then says that Captain Archer assumes she hasn’t told Trip. 

Trip must’ve gotten back early to have time to tell Jonathan about their meeting already. The fact that he states that he’ll tell Trip about her return sets another pit of guilt in her stomach, he shouldn’t have to have that conversation with his best friend. That would only cause trouble between them (her getting the position would’ve cause enough trouble in the first place,) she hadn’t intended for Jon to need to have that conversation. 

She briefly considers writing Trip to tell him of her return, though it was something she’d wanted to avoid initially it may have been better then him finding out from Jon. However she also knows that if she does write him Trip will likely delete the message instead of reading it, he doesn’t want to hear from her again. Maybe it is for the best that she let Jonathan talk to him about it, Trip is less likely to ignore him and having someone say it face to face makes it more believable. 

The kettle whistles and T’Pol gets up and pours herself a steaming cup of peppermint tea. 0800 hours on Tuesday is only a couple of days away, it doesn’t give her much time to tie up loose ends here. She’ll go next door tomorrow and make arrangements for the neighbors to feed the cat – she hopes they’ll comply because she really has grown to like the cat and she doesn’t want her to go hungry. On Monday she’ll have to go in and clear her office, and pick up new uniforms for  _ Enterprise.  _

Sipping her tea quietly her thoughts turn to her daughter, she’s brought the picture from Trip’s pocket with her and picks it up off of the coffee table. Does her daughter know who she is? Has Trip told her anything about her? Will Elizabeth immediately know that T’Pol is her mother? Or will T’Pol have to explain that on her own. Will Trip allow her to explain? She and Trip will have to work out ground rules for interacting with Elizabeth that’s one thing she’s certain of. She’s certain that Trip won’t have told Elizabeth too much and won’t want T’Pol around Elizabeth very much, but T’Pol can’t help but hope that Elizabeth will know who she is and will perhaps be able to forgive her for what she’s done. Children are the most forgiving after all, and maybe Trip will come around and allow T’Pol to know her child. 

It’s with these thoughts that T’Pol picks up her tea and her book and goes to lay in bed, trying to quiet her mind enough to get sleep before midnight. 

* * *

 

Trip is up most of that night, tossing and turning, what was it T’Pol actually wanted to tell him? Was it really so important that she had finally contacted him after 7 years of nothingness? Or was it just to try to infringe on his and Elizabeth’s lives more? 

When Elizabeth had asked where he’d been that night he’d told her he went to visit Jack at the Eveleigh. It’s not a complete lie but he wasn’t going to tell Elizabeth that the mother who’d abandoned her had asked to meet him. Elizabeth enjoyed hearing about his conversations with Jack and as usual asked how his daughter, Eveleigh, was doing. Trip had made something up about Eveleigh learning to ride a bike and skinning her knee, not the usual special story he had about the friend Elizabeth had never met but it was enough to satisfy her into going to bed. 

The next morning he’s in the shower when Jon calls. 

“Yeah Captain?” He sighs, pressing the button with one hand and turning off the water with the other.

“I’d like to have you for breakfast, can Lizzie eat with Hoshi this morning?” Captain Archer’s voice is nervous. 

“Yeah, sure.” Trip frowns. “Somethin’ wrong sir?” 

“No it’s just – well I’ll tell you in person. Archer out.” The comm line goes quiet and Trip returns to rinsing his hair. 

He walks out of the bathroom zipping up his uniform and finds Elizabeth on his bed with her science text book open on her lap. “You ready to go baby girl?” 

“Yep! Can we have pancakes Daddy?” Elizabeth asks with a smile. 

“You sure can, but you’re gonna have to eat with Miss Hoshi today pumpkin.” Trip says, kneeling to tie her shoes for her. 

“But Daddy… we always have pancakes together.” Elizabeth pouts, sticking out her lower lip and blinking her blue eyes at him. 

“I know we do but Captain Archer needs to talk to me about something important, and that means I need you to eat with Hoshi.” Trip says, tying the other shoe and standing up. 

“What does he need to talk to you about?” She frowns, putting the science book in her back pack and hopping off the bed. 

“I don’t know yet, that’s what I get to find out at breakfast.” Trip says holding out a hand and leading her out of their quarters. 

“Well, okay, but promise we can have dinner together?” She asks, trotting along after him. 

“I promise.” He grins, letting go of her hand and ruffling her hair. “You be good for Miss Hoshi though, okay?” 

“I will daddy.” She promises. 

After giving Hoshi an apology and an explanation he goes into the Captain’s Mess. Captain Archer sits at the head of the table as usual but Commander Debroux isn’t here this time, if he wants to talk to Trip alone it can’t be good. 

“You wanted to see me sir?” Trip asks.

“I did, sit down.” Captain Archer motions pouring another cup of coffee, Trip sits in his usual spot and dishes up eggs for breakfast. 

“Somethin’ wrong? I gotta admit sir, you have me a little worried.” Trip chuckles nervously. 

“No Trip, nothing’s wrong. It’s about our first officer situation.” Jon says, taking a drink of orange juice before continuing. “We have an applicant, just one.” 

Trip frowns, confused as to why this is something Captain Archer needed to discuss with him alone. “If there’s only one applicant we kind of have to accept them sir, we ship out again Tuesday evening.” 

“I’m glad to hear you say that Trip.” Captain Archer says, shifting nervously in his seat, which was never a good sign. “Because T’Pol was our applicant.” 

_ “What?”  _ Trip says, nearly dropping the fork in his hand. “Why would she – what reason-“ He can’t even find the words to describe the confusion he’s feeling at the moment. 

Captain Archer takes a deep breath. “I can only assume this is what she wanted to talk to you about when you two met yesterday. Her application must’ve been the thing she wanted to tell you about when you walked out.” 

“An-and you  _ accepted  _ it?!” Trip snaps, growing more and more stunned by the second. 

“As you said Trip, we ship out at 1800 hours on Tuesday, that’s another 60 hours to find a first officer, and there aren’t many willing to sign on to a ship getting moth balled in 11 months.” Captain Archer sighs. 

“Then ask Starfleet to assign one! Have them order someone aboard!” Trip half shouts. 

“You know as well as I do Starfleet wouldn’t forcebly assign someone to  _ Enterprise  _ when there’s a perfectly willing applicant who’s more then qualified for the position.” The Captain frowns. 

“You could declair her unfit! Explain the situation or – or something.” Trip continues. 

“The conditions of Elizabeth remaining on board are clear, I can’t let her presence here affect the efficiency of the crew, and not being able to take on a perfectly qualified officer is too much interference on her part.” Captain Archer sighs. 

“What am I supposed to tell Elizabeth? ‘the mother who walked out on you 7 years ago is back, go on, shared custody?!” Trip growls, he’s starting to get really angry with the Captain now. 

“I’ve written to T’Pol and explained that the two of you will have to sort out what you want to do about Elizabeth, be it tell her everything about T’Pol from the beginning or tell her nothing at first.” Captain Archer explains. “Personally if she was my child I’d explain it all from the beginning, but she’s not my child so you can do what you see fit.” 

“She ain’t gonna know anything!” Trip snaps. “She doesn’t even know her mother’s name, and if I can keep up the charade for 11 more months I will. T’Pol doesn’t deserve to be in her life, she’s cause enough damage.” 

“Well the two of you can work that out, I’d prefer to stay out of family affairs in the first place, I’m just telling you what I would do.” Captain Archer says. 

“I can’t believe you’re doin’ this sir.” Trip shakes his head in disbelief and stands up. “After everything T’Pol has done I’d’ve thought you’d pull a few strings for Elizabeth. Permission to be excused?” 

“Granted.” The word is barely out of the Captain’s mouth before Trip is gone. 

HE walks into the mess hall, over to where Elizabeth and Hoshi are sitting, chatting away in Japanese. “This seat taken?” 

“Daddy!” Elizabeth grins, as she turns her grin falls. “Whats wrong?” 

“Nothin’ you need to worry about pumpkin. How’s your pancakes?” He forces a smile, taking the empty seat next to Hoshi, sending Hoshi a brief ‘I’ll explain later’ look. 

“They’re great, want some?” Elizabeth chirps. 

“That’s okay baby girl, I already ate.” 

He spends the rest of breakfast chatting happily with Elizabeth, it’s a false sort of happiness though. The kind he’s forcing for his daughter and something tells him she’s starting to catch on to it by the time breakfast is over. He sets her up with her math work and tells her to come to engineering when she’s done for her next assignment. He and Hoshi leave the mess hall together and he feels Hoshi watching him. 

“You need something Lieutenant?” He asks, a bit shorter then normal. 

“Are you okay Trip?” Hoshi frowns. “You came out of that meeting looking pretty mad about something, even Elizabeth could pick up on it.” 

“You’ll find out at the staff meeting today what’s going on. It ain’t pretty and I’m just worried for Elizabeth is all.” He sighs, running a hand over his hair. 

“Alright, if you want to talk about it I’m free over lunch.” Hoshi offers a smile and turns left for the bridge while he goes right for Engineering. 

 


	5. An Avalanche of Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all! Updating this week from mobile (thank you google docs) as we are down south for a few days with the dog and cat (we're also certifiably insane, anyone who's ridden four hours in a car with a dog and a car will know this), but I was still able to update. TFTV might have to wait another week, I'm struggling quite a bit with seasonal depression and since this fic is nearly done (I just have chapter 30 to write and then edit) I'm going to finish writing this one before updating the other one again.
> 
> In other news, this chapter brings Trip along to his desicion about what he's going to tell (or not tell) Elizabeth, and he goes about it in true Trip fashion and emotions get in the way. This chapter is extremely important in setting up Elizabeth's main plot line for the rest of the fic
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and I'll see y'all next week for chapter 6
> 
> -Galia

Chapter 5

_"Make my_ _messes matter_

_Make this chaos count_

_Let every little fracture in me shatter out loud."_

_"Jupiter" by Sleeping At Last (Atlas Year One)_

* * *

Over the next few days Trip found himself hardly able to make eye contact with Captain Archer, he was far too angry to do much more then sit through briefings and perform his duties. Though as Tuesday approaches his anger begins to give way to worry; he worries that Elizabeth will somehow recognize T'Pol for who she is. T'Pol was right, Elizabeth is smart but he has to remind himself that she's still an eight-year-old girl, and eight-year-olds aren't always the most perceptive. He hasn't decided what he's going to tell Elizabeth, so for now he's decided not to tell her anything. He'll have a discussion with T'Pol about how they'll move forward when she arrives.

Monday evening is one of the rare evenings where he doesn't have Elizabeth with him, she's gone to dinner with Dr. Cutler and Dr. Phlox in sickbay (a dinner Elizabeth called 'jungle dinner') and he was left to eat with Hoshi. He's been left to eat with Hoshi this evening and the two of them have found a somewhat private dinner table to at which to discuss the events of the next day.

"Have you decided what you're going to tell Elizabeth?" Hoshi asks, taking a bite of her pie and looking over at him.

"No." He sighs, taking a drink of water. "I'm still conflicted, do I want to tell her that T'Pol is her mother and risk all the trauma and questions that come along with that?"

"She's never asked about her mother yet has she?" Hoshi frowns.

"No she hasn't, and I've always kept the philosophy that when she does I'll tell her the truth." Trip sighs. "But she ain't asked, and I don't know if it's better for T'Pol and I to sit down and tell her the truth or to just let it go?"

"She's a smart kid, I don't think you'll be able to hide it from her for long." Hoshi points out.

"True but she's also eight. I didn't realize that my brothers 'best friend' was his boyfriend when I was eight and I was a smart kid." Trip mutters.

"Yeah but this is a bit different then a boyfriend. This is her mother, she'll know, maybe not right away but she'll figure it out." Hoshi sighs, watching him for a moment.

"How? If I don't say anything and T'Pol doesn't say anything and the senior staff don't say anything then she won't know." Trip reasons, taking a bite of his pie.

"Trip, you know the bond that you and T'Pol shared? The mate bond?" Hoshi asks, Trip nods uncomfortably, there was something else he still had to figure out. He didn't know if that bond was still there. "Vulcans have different sorts of psychological bonds between the family, the one between mother and child - though different – is just as strong if not stronger.." Hoshi explains. "I don't know if Elizabeth will be able to feel it, she's half human and T'pol left a very long time ago but it's still possible."

"And if she does recognize T'Pol or come to realize who T'Pol is we'll tell her but I'd like to spare her the upset of her mother's sudden return." He sighs.

"Trip she's already picking up on your worry." Hoshi explains. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Yeah I noticed." He mutters. "She hasn't liked to be away from my lately and I know it's because she picks up on my worry but having that bond with T'Pol taught me how to keep my emotions to myself. I just have to get back into the mind set of having to do that and she'll be fine.

Hoshi sighs quietly and sips her tea, he knows her well enough to know that she doesn't approve but she's not going to say anything. Though Trip usually values her opinion this is one decision he has to make on his own, and he's leaning more and more towards not telling Elizabeth anything. He'll have to talk to T'Pol about the ground rules – well he'll have to come up with the ground rules first and then he'll have to tell her and make sure she sticks to them.

He finishes his pie and stands up. "Thanks for jonin' me Hosh, I should go get Lizzie, she needs her bath."

Hoshi offers him a small smile. "Okay, kiss her goodnight for me, I'll see you at the shuttle port in the morning?"

"Yeah, sure. See you then." Trip mutters.

The doors to sickbay slide open and he spots Lizzie with one of Phlox's pets on her lap, chatting happily away with Dr. Cutler. "Daddy look! The lizard likes me!"

"I see that pumpkin." He grins, ruffling her hair. "You been good for Dr. Cutler?"

"She's been wonderful, making me a little homesick though." Dr. Cutler admits. She and Phlox had been married for 6 years now and had three children living on Denobula. For the most part Dr. Cutler stayed with the children and Phlox's other wives but she'd been on Earth visiting family Enterprise would take her back to Denobula in a few more weeks. "I'll be glad to get back and see the kids."

"Yeah I can't imagine being away from Lizzie for more then a day or two." Trip chuckles, handing the lizard back to Phlox and picking up Elizabeth. "I'd miss my Lizzie-bug too much."

"I don't want you to go away, even for one night." Elizabeth giggles.

"I know you wouldn't, tell Dr. Cutler and Phlox thank you." He kisses her cheek.

"Thank you Dr. Cutler, thank you Dr. Phlox. Can I come back and pet your lizard again tomorrow?" She chirps.

"Of course you can, if you come after you've had your breakfast we can make it part of your biology lesson." Phlox smiles his wide Denobulan smile at her and waves them out of the room.

Elizabeth gets into her pajamas obediently and then curls up on Trip's bed with him, waiting for a story. Having braided her dark hair Trip sits down next to her and she snuggles up to him and grins. "What story do you want today pumpkin?"

"I don't want one, I heard we're getting a new first officer tomorrow." She says, pulling herself onto his lap and blinking up at him.

"Yeah we are. Commander Debroux's goin' back to France to be with her little girl." Trip says, tapping Lizzie's nose and laying back with her on top of him like he used to when she was little.

"I'm going to miss her, she used to give me chocolates from France when she got back from shore leave." Elizabeth frowns. "I also hear that the new first officer is a Vulcan. Do you know who it is?"

"No pumpkin I don't." Trip lies, stroking her long braid gently with one hand. "But I'm sure you'll get to meet her in a couple of days."

"Why can't I meet her tomorrow?" Elizabeth pouts.

"Because, she'll have to learn about the ship and the way it works, but I'm sure you'll get to meet her at Captain's mess." Another lie, while Elizabeth will get to meet T'Pol it certainly won't be at Captain's mess and it's going to be for as little time as possible. He sighs and kisses her hair. "Alright that's enough talk for tonight, let's get you into bed because we have a big day tomorrow."

"Alright Daddy, I guess. I love you!" she giggles, kissing him and bouncing off to her bedroom. Trip sits back with the PADD he'd been reading and tries to shake the guilt of lying to his little girl.

* * *

T'Pol gives up on sleep by 0400 and decides to get ready and leave early. Traffic isn't terrible in San Francisco this time of the morning but she knows she won't be able to sleep and staying in bed much longer seems wasteful. She showers quickly and puts the kettle on so she can bring tea with her, she looks around the apartment, she doesn't know when she'll be back but it will be a long time. Once the tea boils she pours some in her travel cup and leaves the apartment, careful to lock the door behind her.

She arrives at the terminal by 0600 and isn't due to leave for another hour so she settles herself into a chair to wait. First she attempts to read the files Jon sent her, but she finds herself unable to focus on them and within half an hour has given up on reading all together. She pulls the picture of Elizabeth and Trip out of her pocket, she's been carrying it with her every day since their meeting. It's not one of the new ones but the one she'd had for years, she doesn't want to look at the new ones again until she's seen Elizabeth for herself.

T'Pol hopes she'll get to see Elizabeth at dinner that night, but she isn't sure, perhaps Trip won't want her around Elizabeth at all. She hasn't heard from him since Saturday, though Jon had warned her to expect an angry letter about her return or instructions regarding Elizabeth, she'd received nothing. Her correspondence with Jonathan confirmed that he had informed Trip of her impending return, but he'd also informed her that Trip was hardly speaking to him and he seemed to be the target of Trip's anger.

"T'Pol?" The familiar voice of Lieutenant Reed says, T'Pol tucks the picture back in her pocket quickly and looks up at the two men. Aside from looking somewhat older both men are the same as she remember's them, Lieutenant Mayweather wearing that optimistic smile he was known for around the ship. Lieutenant Reed looks nervous, like he's not entirely sure what to say.

"Lieutenants, it's been quite a long time since I've seen either of you." She says, standing up. "Are you both fairing well?"

"Quiet well actually." Lieutenant Reed says stiffly. "And you?"

"Teaching doesn't suit me." T'pol says, shouldering her bag and standing up.

"We ought to get a move on, we'll be late if we don't." Lieutenant Reed says uncomfortably, he turns around and T'Pol begins to follow him and Lieutenant Mayweather to where the shuttle is.

She briefly wonders if all her encounters with her old friends will be this uncomfortable. She wouldn't be surprised if they were, none of them can be very happy with her at the moment, not with the way she left them all. Despite this T'Pol does look forward to seeing Jon again but the prospect of working so closely with Trip is somewhat nerve wracking.

She settles herself into the back of the pod, it's the same old Shuttle Pod 1, sitting in it brings back memories. The place she and Trip first sat together with Elizabeth, as a family. That day is as clear in her mind as any, she had held Elizabeth's warm body as tightly against her as she could and hoped that her daughter would be alright. She'd been so afraid of motherhood and she'd had reason. The pod was also the last place she'd been in relation to Enterprise

The ride up to the ship is quiet and awkward, none of them say much and T'Pol looks out the window when they begin to approach the ship. Though the ship has taken quite a beating in the war and some of its glory has been lost in it's 12 years of service, it was still magnificent. As the shuttle pod approaches and the familiar launch bay doors close behind them a feeling of foreboding settles over her.


	6. Sink or Swim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we have chapter 6. Trip and T'Pol finally meet after Trip discovers plans for T'Pol's return and they discuss a few ground rules for Elizabeth. This chapter is a little bit shorter then my usual, but it's as long as it needs to be.
> 
> As I'm now in the editing phase for this fic (all 30 chapters are written now), this week also starts the beginning of uploading twice a week. I've decided to use Saturday as my second day, a reminder that this is Saturday Seoul time, so it's likely Friday night or early Saturday morning for anyone in the United States.
> 
> I hope you enjoy what I have this week
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 6

_ Hold your breath and count to 28. _ _   
_ _ Change is slow but i feel it taking shape. _ _   
_ _ Folding over us like waves _ _   
_ _ On origami ocean tides, we sway _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Like blueprints constantly being rearranged. _ _   
_ _ Over microscopes we plan and strain. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ The finest print in the whitest ink, _ _   
_ _ Before it dries, there's no time to think. _ _   
_ __ It feels like everything we've known is sink or swim

_ “101010” ( _ **_Yearbook - November)_ ** _ by Sleeping At Last  _

* * *

 

Trip has been pacing nervously around the office overlooking the launch bay for nearly half an hour. Travis and Malcolm had send out a comm message saying they were nearly back 20 minutes ago, where were they? Trip was more then ready to get this first re-meeting out of the way so he and T’Pol can go lay a few ground rules for how she interacts with their daughter. Trip had been up most of last night turning everything over in his mind and he’d finally come up with what he thought was best for his daughter. 

Elizabeth had been begging him to come along this morning but he’d insisted she say behind with Lieutenant Hess in Engineering to work on her school work. He didn’t want to risk her meeting with T’Pol before he’d had a chance to discuss it with T’Pol. 

The warning alarms pull him from his thoughts and over to the window, the launch bay doors are opening. Shuttlepod One ascends into the launch bay and the doors begin to slide shut again, Trip has never dreaded a shuttle pod more than he’s been dreading this one. Relishing the last few minutes of normalcy he hangs back longer than the others and is one of the last people on the launch bay floor. 

Phlox enters the pod first, as has become the custom to ensure that newcomers are fully vaccinated and pathogen free. If they are they’ll be allowed to proceed normally, if they’re not it’s straight off to decon. Trip finds himself hoping T’Pol has to go to decon before she can speak to him, if only to put it off a little longer. That doesn’t seem to be the case as Phlox steps out of the pod followed by Malcolm and Travis only a few minutes later. 

T’Pol is the last to step out. She hesitates, her hazel eyes looking from face to face and she opens her mouth to speak, but before she can get the words out Captain Archer walks up and hugs her. 

“Welcome back Commander.” Captain Archer says with a smile. 

“Thank you Captain, I look forward to returning to duty as your first officer.” T’Pol’s voice is stiff and icy, Captain Archer’s ice-breaking hug obviously not making her feel anymore comfortable. 

Hoshi is next to move forward, instead of a hug or a handshake she offers the familiar Vulcan salute. “Commander, I hope you had a comfortable journey.” From her tone it sounds more like Hoshi hopes the journey was as uncomfortable as possible. 

“It was pleasant thank you.” T’pol says icily in response. 

From Malcolm’s stiffness and the lack of Travis’ optimistic smile Trip has the impression that the journey was uncomfortable and awkward. Malcolm makes little move to speak with either of them and moves off to the side to give Captain Archer a quick briefing of the flight, Travis following close behind them. Trip is the last one to greet T’Pol and he steps forward and looks her over. She doesn’t squirm physically but the slight tightening of her jaw is enough to tell him she’s uncomfortable. 

He’d once dreamed of her coming back, telling him it was a mistake and she wanted to be with him and Elizabeth, that she never should’ve left at all. He’d once stayed up at night imagining her calling him and telling him how sorry she is and to please let her back into their lives. Now that both of those things have happened he wants nothing more then for her to go back to Earth and leave him and Elizabeth alone. That hope had faded into a sort of resentment towards her years ago. Resentment for what she did to him and Elizabeth, and with her standing in front of him those feelings are magnified a thousand times. How can she think she’ll be able to come right back into their lives like this? What gives her the right to cause more problems for him and Elizabeth?

“Trip,” Captain Archer says. “I want you to show T’Pol to her quarters and want the two of you to join me for dinner tonight, same time as always. Everyone else back to duty.” 

“Yes sir.” Trip says. 

Hoshi squeezes his arm and offers him a supportive smile as she turns to leave, Malcolm pats his shoulder and Travis nods. Relief floods Trip as the senior staff shuffle out and he’s able to drop his mask and look warily at T’Pol.  

“Trip…” T’Pol says, her façade softening and her hazel eyes searching his blue ones. 

“Save it, we need to have a talk about Elizabeth.” He mutters. “I’ll take that.” He holds his hand out for her duffle and she raises her eyebrows but wordlessly relinquishes the bad. 

“Thank you.” She says quietly, following him out of the launch bay and to the turbolift, he presses the button for E deck and looks back at her. 

“Finally got yourself a uniform huh?” He says. 

“I never had the time the last time I was here.” She mutters, her tone stiff and he can sense her discomfort despite her outward appearance of being calm and collected. “I decided it would be best that I look the same as the rest of the crew.”  

* * *

 

_ Enterprise’s  _ familiar corridors have lost their warm feel to them, they no longer feel like the place she belongs and is safe. Instead they feel as cold and as hostile as they had been the first time she set foot in them. She steps out of the turbolift onto E deck and is caught off guard by the drawings taped to bulkheads, what appears to be a poorly drawn Vulcan on one, and IDIC on another. 

Trip pulls one down and a small smile crosses his lips. “the ‘Lizzie Tucker Welcome Committee’” 

“The what?” She frowns, looking a the piece of paper. 

“She’s been real excited to have another Vulcan on board, this is be her way of welcoming you to the ship.” Trip chuckles, holding the drawing of the Vulcan out to her. 

“Does she know?” T’Pol asks quietly taking the crayon drawing.

“No.” The bit of joy has drained out of his voice and a dark cloud seems to descend over his face. “She just knows you’re the new science officer and you’re Vulcan.” 

“Has she met many other Vulcans?” T’Pol asks, starting off after Trip again. 

“A few. Soval a couple of times, T’Pau came up once, but aside from that no.” She detects a hint of guilt in Trip’s voice. “I haven’t done a very good job of acquainting her with Vulcan culture.” 

“It’s never too late to learn.” T’Pol says. “What were Minister T’Pau’s thoughts on her?” 

“It was a few years ago, Lizzie was only 3 and I don’t think T’Pau likes kids very much anyway, but she really didn’t seem to like Lizzie.” He growls. “I asked that Lizzie be granted Vulcan citizenship and T’Pau made up some excuse about not being able to grant it if I didn’t hold Vulcan citizenship.” 

“T’Pau does not like children no.” T’Pol mutters. 

An uncomfortable silence descends over them and T’Pol finds her mind beginning to wander as they walk. She can almost imagine Elizabeth growing up in these corridors. She’d been pulling up on things when T’Pol left and she can almost see her taking the first hesitant steps along these halls, into Trip’s arms. She can almost hear a three year old Elizabeth start her first conversation with Trip one day, and almost see the excitement on Trip’s face when Elizabeth starts talking. T’Pol wonders if they celebrated her birthdays in the human fashion or let them pass in the Vulcan fashion, she decides they must’ve celebrated them. Trip had been getting so excited for Elizabeth’s first birthday just before she left. 

“And here we are.” Trip mutters, entering the access codes to her quarters and the door slides open. “First officer's quarters, they ain’t anything special like the ones on the newer ships but they’re the same as they were when you last saw them.” 

T’Pol follows him in and looks around, at least one thing has stayed the same. He drops the duffel bag on the ground and she expects him to leave, but he doesn’t. “Do you require something of me?” 

“Just your time.” Trip mutters. “We need to lay out a few ground rules when it comes to Elizabeth okay?” 

“What sort of rules?” T’Pol asks, cocking her head very slightly to the left. 

“For one thing, I don’t want her to know that you’re her mother. She doesn’t know now and she’s perfectly happy that way.” Trip states. 

“And what if she discovers I am her mother on her own?” She asks, sitting down and motioning for him to do the same – he doesn’t but starts pacing across her quarters instead. 

“If she some how does I want to be told immediately and you and I can sit down and explain it to her, but you are not to tell her anything yourself. In fact I don’t want you to have private contact with her at all. Someone else has to be present and you have to move to a public area if you’re somewhere alone with her.” Trip says firmly. 

“That hardly seems reasonable, I have no interest-“ 

“I don’t care what you interests are, she’s my daughter and I do want her learning anything from you. Frankly I don’t trust you with her right now so I don’t want you alone with her.” He snaps. 

T’Pol is taken aback, and blinks at him for a full minute before she says, “Do you really think I’d hurt my own child?” 

“Physically? No, I don’t think you’d harm a hair on her head, but psychologically you’ve already done enough damage. I don’t trust that you won’t just tell her you’re her mother so I want you watched.” Trip explains. 

“Fine.” T’Pol mutters quietly. “But you said yourself she hasn’t met many Vulcans, she’s going to get curious. What am I to say if she asks questions about the culture she has been denied but is still a part of?” 

“You can answer questions about Vulcan as a culture and place but you’re not to get into family bonds or any of that bullshit. She’ll be at Captain’s Mess once a week, I’d like to keep that to being your primary contact with her because then I can watch her and keep you both out away from those topics.” Trip continues. 

“Trip I am not a child.” T’Pol says, “And I do not need to be watched like one.”

“That’s nice T’pol, but I don’t intend to leave you with Elizabeth where you could tell her something. She’s been through enough for such a young kid, and I don’t want to be putting her through anything else.” Trip snaps. 

“Well are there any other ‘rules’ I should know about or am I allowed to be alone now?” T’Pol says curtly. 

“Goodbye T’Pol.” He turns on his heel and storms from the room, leaving T’Pol standing next to the bed. 

She’s relieved that he’s gone, the hostile atmosphere in the room was beginning to unnerve her. She doesn’t care for all these rules but she can see where he’s coming from. He’s trying to protect Elizabeth but as usual Trip’s tendency to overreact was getting the better of him again. She rubs her temple and looks at the clock, it’s only 0930 and the day has already proven itself to be a long one. 

She turns to her duffel and unzips it, looking at the contents, she wants to meditate but her meditation candles are somewhere at the bottom of the duffel. She begins to unpack hoping that it will give her some time to clear her head and compose herself before she’s to go to her station and begin working. 


	7. Delicate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the first of the Saturday updates! Updating on Saturdays will cut the time this story takes to be completed in half and it should be done now sometime in late March or early April. I haven't worked out the exact date.
> 
> As one reader pointed out there is no way for Trip to keep Elizabeth completely away from T'Pol, given the nature of his job it's just not possible for him to keep that close of an eye on Elizabeth and as we start to see here Elizabeth is already curious about T'Pol.
> 
> I hope y'all like this chapter and keep reading, I'll see you again on Wednesday for Chapter 8!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 7 

_ “You said ‘be careful it’s delicate, _ _   
_ _ Things can just crumble apart’ _ _   
_ _ But it’s not the same for me _ _   
_ __ It’s not the same for me

_ I kept treading so carelessly _ _   
_ _ Thin lines that splintered my ground _ _   
_ _ But I closed my eyes to them _ _   
_ __ I closed my eyes to them”

_ -”Delicate” by Kina Grannis  _

Trip doesn’t see very much of T’Pol the rest of the day and manages to get out of dinner with the Captain by saying he needs to spend time helping Lizzie with her English. Lizzie would much rather have discussed T’Pol then her English but he keeps her on task. 

That night Trip  goes sleep fairly early and has been asleep for several hours when he’s woken. He blinks in the dark, trying to figure out what’s woken him up when he hears a small sniffling, reaching up he turns on the light above his bed and sees Lizzie. She’s standing in the doorway crying, her pajama bottoms are wet, Trip sighs. It’s been nearly a year since Lizzie’s had one of her bedwetting nightmares.

“Come ‘ere baby girl.” He mutters, swinging his legs off of the bed. “Had a bad dream?” 

“Y-yes.” Elizabeth sniffles, and rushes over to him. He wraps her up in a hug and kisses her hair. “I-I’m sorry Daddy.” 

“It’s alright. Come on, let’s get you changed and pull your sheets off the bed.” He picks her up and takes her back to her bedroom. “You get new pajamas I’ll figure out the bed.” 

Elizabeth goes over to her drawer and starts looking for a new set of pajamas. Trip peels the sheets and comforter from the bed and puts them down the laundry chute, he’ll go to the laundry and get them started in the morning. When he turns around Elizabeth, having changed pajamas, is watching him quietly.

“Come on you can sleep here.” Trip says, handing her the purple pillow and taking her to the other room. 

“Thank you daddy.” She mutters sleepily, crawling across the bed to the other side and pulling the covers up around her. “I’m sorry I wet the bed…” 

“It’s not your fault princess, we’ll get those sheets washed in the morning.” He mumbles, laying down next to her and turning off the light. 

7 am comes far too soon for Trip’s taste, the alarm buzz pulls him from the warm confines of sleep and he reaches over to turn it off. Next to him, Elizabeth seems to have slept the rest of the night fairly peacefully. He decides to give her a few more minutes of sleep he gets out of bed and heads for the shower. The rush of the water over his skin wakes him up a little more and he washes and dresses quickly. Though he’s still somewhat bleary eyed - today is definitely one where coffee is a necessity.  

“Come on Lizzie-bug.” Trip mutters, sitting on the edge of the bed and trying to wake her up. “Come on, time to get up.” 

“Do I have to?” Elizabeth mumbles, rubbing her big blue eyes and pouting up at him from her nest of blankets.

“Yes you do, we have to go to breakfast so I can get to engineering and you can do your school work.” Trip says, pulling the blankets off of her. 

Elizabeth pouts up at him again, but ultimately gets out of bed and shuffles into her room to get dressed. He makes the bed hastily and sits Elizabeth down on it so he can braid her hair, she’s still yawning and her face has a familiar grumpy scowl to it. Neither one of them are morning people.

By the time they join Hoshi for breakfast it’s 7:45 and they only have 15 minutes to eat before Trip has to run off to engineering. 

“Sleep well Lizzie-bug?” Hoshi asks wish a smile at the bleary eyed eight year old. 

“No I had that nightmare again.” Elizabeth mumbles. “The one where I’m chasing the woman in purple.” 

“The same one?” Trip frowns, he hadn’t asked her about the nightmare last night but since she was 3 years old she’d had a reoccurring nightmare about chasing a woman through the halls of  _ Enterprise.  _

“Yep.” Elizabeth nods. “I was chasing her in the halls on E deck, she was wearing the same sparkly purple dress and veil.” 

“You haven’t had that one in a long time.” Hoshi remarks, tucking some of Elizabeth’s hair back behind her ear and glancing over at Trip. 

“Not since last year.” Elizabeth nods, taking a bite of her cereal. “I haven’t had any nightmares since Christmas. This time I almost caught her again but she jumped into the black hole.” 

“Black hole?” Trip frowns, this is the first he’s heard of any black hole

“Yeah, we turned around a corner and all of a sudden the floor opened up into a swirling black hole. The woman jumped into it and I tried to stop but I couldn’t, I woke up as I was falling… that’s when I wet the bed.” She looks down at her lap in embarrassment. 

“Hey,” Trip says. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault you wet the bed, you were havin’ a nightmare. We can wash the sheets and they’ll be done by bedtime tonight.” 

“What if I have the dream again?” Elizabeth whispers. 

Trip can’t say she won’t – she used to have it 2-3 times a week – so he puts a hand on her shoulder and makes her look at him again. “If you have the dream again you come wake me up and we’ll do the same as we did last night okay?” 

“Okay.” She mutters. 

“Good girl, now are you ready for your Math? I need to get you set up before I go to work.” Trip says, pushing his tray out of the way

Elizabeth isn’t paying attention and is more focused on something behind him, he turns around and spots T’Pol. “Daddy is that the new first officer?” 

“Yep, Commander T’Pol.” Trip says. “Now are you ready for school or not?” 

“I want to meet her.” Elizabeth says, starting to get off her stool. 

“Elizabeth.” Trip says firmly, grabbing her arm. “Don’t go buggin’ the new first officer. Now sit down and do your math. 

* * *

 

Her first full day on duty has gotten off to a start, breakfast with the captain was an uncomfortable affair – especially after he made the mistake of asking about Elizabeth. Following her explanation of the rules Trip had given her Captain Archer seemed to have little to say on the matter – not that she’d expected him to, but she hand’t expected him to spend the rest of the meal watching her uncomfortably. Once  the awkward meal was over she had spotted Elizabeth in the mess hall and had made the mistake of stopping to watch her a minute. 

Elizabeth looks so different then she used to – even the picture Trip gave her doesn’t seem to capture what she really looks like. Her dark hair had been just fuzzy ringlets on top of her head when T’Pol left,  and now it was long and thick. Her eyebrows had hardly even appeared and now they were as pronounced as T’Pol’s were. She was still a very small child for her age, and appears closer to six then she does 8. 

The one thing that remains the same is her blue eyes, they’re tired and watery from a night of sleep and she keeps yawning as T’Pol watched her. After a moment they focus on T’Pol and give her what is almost the same tired stare that Trip had given her years ago when they were first aboard  _ Enterprise  _ together, like she’s trying to figure T’Pol out. When Trip notices her watching she blinks and moved quickly out of the mess hall, not wanting to start trouble. 

When she takes her place on the bridge and greets the crew the discomfort returns. She can tell from Malcolm’s stiff tone that he’s not entirely sure what to make of her return. Travis greets her with a bit of forced politeness buthe’s at least attempting to make her feel welcome. It’s Hoshi who surprises her most, she doesn’t even bother to give more greeting then a curt ‘hello’. 

Hoshi had been sitting with Trip and Elizabeth at breakfast this morning, and T’Pol wonders if there’s perhaps more than a simple friendship between Trip and Hoshi. Trip hadn’t mentioned being in a relationship with anyone but it’s not like T’Pol had expected him to be single forever, even if he had a child to raise. The thought of Hoshi and Trip being more then friends doesn’t sit particularly well with her but if Hoshi has been raising Elizabeth alongside Trip then that would certainly explain why she’s so cold. 

T’Pol shakes the thoughts from her head, and focus’ on her station, it’s going to be a long day. 

The day doesn’t get any less awkward as it progresses. By dinner, when she and Captain Archer are finally joined by Trip she’s more then ready for the day to be over so she can return to her quarters and meditate. Trip is five minutes late and smells strongly of engineering when he makes an appearance – something’s never change. 

“Sorry I’m late sir, had a bit of a tough time convincing Elizabeth she couldn’t come to dinner tonight.” Trip explains, pulling a plate towards him. 

“It’s fine Trip. How’s she doing?” Captain Archer smiles. 

“She’s clingy this evenin’.” Trip sighs. “Had a nightmare last night and the closer it gets to bed time the more worked up she gets.” 

“A nightmare?” T’Pol asks, Trip seems unusually worried. T’Pol had been under the impression that most human children had nightmares fairly regularly when they were young. 

“Yeah, she’s been havin’ this reoccurring nightmare.” Trip explains. “Started when she was about 3. She gets so scared that she wets the bed and wakes up crying when she has it, until December she was havin’ it every 2 or 3 nights.” 

“That’s an unusal amount of nightmares for human children I assume?” T’Pol asks. 

“Very. Most kids have the occasional nightmare but not like Lizzie.” Trip sighs, shaking his head and taking a bite of the chicken. 

“Have you considered taking her to Phlox?” Captain Archer asks. 

“I did before they stopped, he said it could be somethin’ she grows out of – which I assumed it was since it stopped last December – or that it could be somethin’ related to trauma at a young age.” Trip mutters, giving T’Pol an angry look. “In which case they could return. Which they have.”

T’Pol doesn’t say anything, but continues eating her potatoes in silence, her opinion likely wouldn’t be valued anyway. 

“Trip.” Captain Archer warns. “Be polite.” 

“Sorry.” Trip mutters, not sounding particularly sorry at all. “If she has the nightmare a few more times, and it looks like she’ll be having them regularly again I’ll take her back to Phlox. We’ll talk about counseling and if that will help, but I am not looking forward to wet sheets three times a week again.” 

“Bedwetting is common in human children isn’t it?” T’Pol asks, attempting to seem interested but not overly intrusive. 

“It is, my sister wet the bed until she was 7 but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.” Trip sighs. “No matter how you shake it gettin’ up in the middle of the night to do laundry sucks.” 

“Perhaps Lieutenant Sato could help you?” T’Pol says coolly. 

“Hoshi?” Trip frowns. “Why would she help me with Elizabeth’s laundry?” 

It’s a good thing T’Pol has enough emotional control to keep her embarrassment below the surface and off of her face. “Forgive me, I saw the two of you at breakfast this morning and thought perhaps you had entered a relationship with her.” She picks up her water glass quickly and takes a drink. 

“Well we haven’t, and what’s it to you if we did anyway?” Trip growls. 

“I was simply making an observation.” T’Pol mutters. 

“An observation? Well you don’t have the right to make observations into me and Hoshi’s personal lives, and you don’t have the right to make suggestions regarding my daughter – that’s a right you gave up a long time ago.” Trip snaps.

“Trip. T’Pol.” Captain Archer says firmly. “That’s enough from both of you.” 

The rest of the meal is passed in silence and T’Pol hurries back to her quarters once it’s over. She’s not looking forward to repeating that tomorrow, or later in the week with Elizabeth present, she might have to request sitting that meal out. 

The news of her daughter’s nightmares are somewhat concerning to her, especially since they don’t appear to be within the realm of normal for human children at all. What if Trip was right? And they were caused by her abandonment Elizabeth?

_ Stop lingering on such emotional thoughts!  _ She scolds herself, turning to pull her candles out of the drawer and setting up for some much needed meditation.


	8. Ghosts of the Past

Chapter 8 

_ “It finishes against my will _ _   
_ _ The light goes out my heart goes still _ _   
_ __ And just like that I believe in ghosts”

_ -” _ **_Smell”_ ** _ by Sleeping At Last _

* * *

 

The next night at dinner Trip is determined to make an effort to be ‘polite’ to T’Pol, Captain Archer had given him a lecture at breakfast that morning – which T’Pol had been absent for. Apparently she was having a difficult time adjusting to life back on the ship and Captain Archer didn’t want to make it any harder on her then it already was. The way Trip saw it, it wasn’t his job to make her comfortable. She’d caused him and his daughter a world of pain and while he had no desire to seek revenge he also had no desire to go out of his way to adjust his attitude for her. Still, the last thing he needed was to make Captain Archer mad at him, so as his Momma always said; ‘If it ain’t nice don’t say it’ 

“So, T’Pol.” Captain Archer says. “Now that you know what’s been going on here the last few years what have you been up to? Did you return to Vulcan or stay on Earth?” 

“I haven’t been back to Vulcan since my mother’s funeral.” T’Pol says quietly. 

“Why not?” Trip finds himself asking. “I’d’ve figured you’d want to get back to Vulcan as quickly as possible.” 

“Trip.” Captain Archer’s tone is warning. 

“It’s fine Captain.” T’Pol says, taking a sip of tea. “There is little for me on Vulcan. I have no desire to return to the High Command, and the Science Academy wouldn’t want anything to do with me.” 

“Wouldn’t want anything to do with you? I’m sure that’s not true.” Captain Archer says. 

“I assure you, it is true.” T’Pol looks at him. “Outwardly they claim it is because they do not need another astrophysics instructor but they do little to mask the fact that they found my choice of mate revolting.” 

“Your choice of… mate?” Captain Archer says uncomfortably. 

“Trip.” T’Pol says. “They find the idea of mating with a human to be a deviant practice.” 

“Hey.” Trip snaps. “We ain’t mates.” 

“That fact may be true now but the fact that a human mate is in my past will not sit well with any part of Vulcan society.” T’Pol cocks her head and looks at him, her hazel eyes watching him carefully. 

Trip fails to even find the words to respond, he can’tbelieve she actually said that. He knew it was technically true – even if they weren’t together their previous relationship would follow her around more then it would him – but it still hurt. “So did we mean anything to you?” 

“Trip I didn’t –“ 

“Save it.” He snaps. “I don’t give a damn how you meant it, because it sounds to me like our daughter and whatever relationship we had didn’t mean a damn thing.” 

“I never said they didn’t. You know they mean a great deal to me, but that doesn’t change the way Vulcan society will perceive it.” She says, her collected demenor faultering the slightest bit. 

“Yeah well it sounds like you left because you wanted a career and once again us humans were holding you back.” Trip raises his voice slightly. 

“Commanders.” Captain Archer says firmly. “I want the both of you to drop it now.” 

“Fine. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” Trip mutters, getting up and walking out of the Captain’s Mess. 

He makes his way back to his quarters, his head still spinning. Could T’Pol really have just said that? That everything they’d had years ago was nothing more than a blemish on her reputation? He doesn’t realize how much she’s gotten under his skin until he lets out a shaky breath and realizes he’s closer to tears of anger then he has been in a long time. He stops in the hallway, knowing he can’t return to Elizabeth like this, he just needs a moment to compose himself. 

He ducks into a nearby bathroom and rubs some water over his face. “Get ahold of yourself Trip.” He mutters to himself, looking in the mirror. “You’re a grown man with a daughter you cannot let her get to you this way.” 

After a few minutes of deep breaths he manages to get a hold of himself and leaves the bathroom. His quarters are only a few feet away and he uses the several seconds it takes to reach them to gain further control. The door slides open, and Elizabeth immediately flies off the bed and into his arms. 

“Daddy!” She grins. 

“Princess.” Trip smiles. “You ready for bath?” 

“Yep!” Elizabeth says. 

“Alright go hop in, holler when you need your hair washed.” Trip says, Elizabeth skips off to the bathroom and Trip assumes he’ll have at least 10 minutes to himself, but he’s wrong, just a few seconds later she’s calling. 

“Okay my hair is ready!” 

Trip frowns and steps into the bathroom. “You feelin’ okay Princess, you usually want to play for a while.” 

“Well I’m tired tonight.” She says. “Besides I want to ask you about our new first officer.” 

Trip has to repress a scowl. “What about her princess?” He reaches for the bowl and pours it over her head to wet her hair. 

“Is she nice?” Elizabeth asks, pushing some of her sopping wet hair out of her face. 

“Nice? Well yeah I guess she is.” He sighs, squeezing some soap from the bottle onto her head and starting to lather her hair. 

“Where’s she from?” Elizabeth asks, scowling has he pulls on her hair a bit to get the soap worked in. 

“Vulcan.” He says. 

“Yeah but where on Vulcan?” Elizabeth says, turning around to look at him as he finished soaping her hair. 

“I don’t know, now dunk your head and rinse. It’s bed time.” He says shortly, putting a towel on the toilet lid and leaving the room. He’s not really in the mood to discuss T’Pol and while it’s fine of Elizabeth to be curious he doesn’t want to discuss any of it right now. 

Elizabeth comes out of the bathroom scowling, clearly able to read his bad mood. 

“Lizzie,” Trip sighs. “Sorry I was snappy, I’m just tired, it’s been a long day.” 

She looks at him, her big blue eyes giving him an irritated look. “Yeah but I just want to talk to you…” 

He instantly feels bad and he goes over to her and hugs her. “I know you do. I’m sorry. How about I read you a story before bed?” 

“Well…” Elizabeth says, then grinning. “Okay!”

* * *

 

Captain Archer and T’Pol finish their meal in an uncomfortable silence, as she’s getting up to leave he reaches out and touches her arm, she turns to him.

“If you want me to talk to Trip about tonight I will.” Captain Archer offers gently. 

“It’s fine Captain. I admit I ought to have worded that better, it make me sound selfish and arrogant. He has a reason to be angry.” T’Pol says quietly. “Though I believe it is best if we avoid discussing my time off of Enterprise with him, it seems to lead to anger and arguing.” 

“You’re probably right, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Captain Archer says. “I put you in that position and I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine, we’ll simply select our topics of conversation more conservatively.” She says, turning and leaving the mess.

In her quarters she pulls out the meditation candles and lights them quickly, then produces the meditation mat from a drawer and sits down quickly. She can feel the release of the day’s emotions as she closes her eyes and assumes the proper posture. Worry for her daughter’s nightmares, guilt that they might be her fault. Sadness for having cause Trip so much pain, however unintentional it was the guilt lingered for that too. Longing for a relationship with her child, she’d seen her several times that day, usually in the company of Trip or Hoshi. She was relieved that Elizabeth had so many people to care for her and for the fact that everyone did seem to genuinely care for Elizabeth. 

Anger lingers too, dark and ugly. Anger that Trip could ever have thought he and Elizabeth were nothing but a stain on her reputation They were her family, even if they weren’t a family at the moment. Blood and mental bonds would link them forever, no matter how overgrown the bonds came with time apart or anger they could be uncovered again, if only they were willing to try. 

Trying isn’t the best thing right now but it’s her hope that eventually they can try, that she’ll be able to make this right. She imagines herself apologizing to Elizabeth, explaining herself, and being forgiven. They’re childish dreams, not likely to happen, but it’s with this small bit of hope that she rises from her meditation cushion after three hours and blows out the candles. 

Just before she turns the light off she pulls the picture of Elizabeth from her nightstand drawer and looks at it. The little girl’s blue eyes shine up at her from the picture, her hair is up in one of those ridiculous bows that Trip so adored and she’s wearing one of those overly frilly smocked dresses his mother made. She looks happy, and T’Pol falls asleep hoping that Elizabeth can be that happy with her mother back in her life. 

 

It’s only been a few hours when T’Pol wakes in a panic, her eyes fly open and she gasps for air and fumbles for the light. Turning it on she sits up in bed, panting and looks at the clock. 0300 hours. She’s only been asleep for 4 hours. She runs a hand over her hair and tries to figure out what it is that’s woken her up in such a panic and the dream begins to return to her. 

She’d been walking through the halls of  _ Enterprise’s  _ E deck when she heard a small child crying, a terrified lonely cry. She sped up her pace and started dashing through the corridors, knowing in her core that if she didn’t help something horrible would happen. As she ran through the corridors the cries changed location, just as she was getting close the child would stop and start crying from somewhere else on the ship. Finally as she was rounding the corner and saw the child the floor opened up in front of her sucking the child down into nothingness. 

T’Pol gets out of bed and goes to the electric kettle on the desk. She presses the button to turn it on and takes a few deep breaths, she’d had her share of nightmares but never one quite like that one. Usually hers were about the time with the Vulcan Ministry of Defense, or the expanse, and while they were certainly more graphic and violent then this nightmare this one somehow seemed worse. She just can’t put her finger on why. 

The kettle boils and she pours herself a cup of chamomile tea and settles into bed with her cup resting gently on her lap. Could this be some how related to her guilt over leaving her daughter? She’d meditated that evening but ever since her Trellium D addiction she’d struggled with lingering emotions, even shortly after meditating. Especially if those were particularly strong emotions she was known to struggle with them, the crushing weight she’d felt shortly after Elizabeth’s discovery being the biggest issue her emotions had caused her to date. 

She sips her tea quietly and looks over at the clock, by the time she’s done it’s 0345 hours and she’s got to rouse herself again in 2 hours. Though four hours is enough sleep for the average Vulcan, she feels that it would be best for her to get at least 2 more given the fact that she’s under a good deal of emotional strain at the moment and needs to keep herself better controlled. She puts the empty mug on the nightstand and draws the blankets closer around her, descending into a nervous sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at chapter 8. I've been looking forward to being able to post this week, it's my first full week back at work and with school starting up next week for me I've been enjoying the last of my 'relaxing' days and I consider this one of my relaxing things. 
> 
> This chapter is... not so good for T'Pol, or Trip really but T'Pol makes quite a mistake though not nearly as big as the one she makes in the next couple of chapters. I'm super tired this week so I'll leave y'all to enjoying this chapter.
> 
> \- Galia


	9. The Best or Darkest Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unexpected absence, the last couple of weeks have been difficult. I've been struggling with anxiety and seasonal depression and between that and college starting back up I've been so exhausted I can hardly focus. For now updates will be moved to Fridays because I have a 3 hour biology class on Wednesday nights.
> 
> Chapter 9 is a very important chapter in how it moves the plot along, in more ways then one. I feel that the first one is fairly obvious but the second one is more subtle, so props to anyone who can catch the second turning point before chapter 13 where it becomes fairly obvious.
> 
> \- Galia

 

 

* * *

 

Chapter 9

"And these could be the best or darkest days  
The lines we walk are paper thin

And we could pull this off or push away

Cause you and me have always been

So close"

\-- "So Close" by Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness (Zombies on Broadway)

 

* * *

 

Trip isn't all that surprised when the Captain orders him on an away mission with T'Pol the next day. With the two of them butting heads left and right it's no wonder that Captain Archer wants them to be forced to get on – just like when Momma used to make him and Lizzie both clean the yard to get them to stop fighting. Malcolm and Hoshi are joining them as well, probably to keep the two of them from killing each other.

"So," He says, swiveling his chair around to face Hoshi. "Where we goin' today Lieutenant?"

"Mehtevas," Hoshi says. "The people have warp capabilities but prefer to stay close to home, they're friendly to alien races and have very diverse plant life. There's a university set up for interspecies botany studies in the main part of the city, they've offered to give us a tour."

"You sound way too excited for someone who ain't a botanist." Trip chuckles, but he knows Hoshi loves flowers. Elizabeth likes them too and he's hoping he'll be able to find a purple one for her bedroom.

"We're to meet the head of the botany department in front of the fountain." T'Pol interjects, looking back at the two of them from her station. "Dr. Ylime will take Lieutenant's Reed and Sato to see the plants, but I would like Commander Tucker to accompany me to the laboratories with Dr. Kered."

"What if I want to go see the plants?" Trip challenges.

"You will have to see them another time." She says, turning back around in her seat.

"I'll see if I can find something for Elizabeth's room." Hoshi assures him. "Purple right?"

"Yeah, purple, easy to care for would be best, she's only 8." Trip says. Lizzie has actually been asking for a pet, a Border Collie puppy to be more specific but a plant was a better place to start – besides, where would a Border Collie puppy fit into life on a starship?

The shuttle pod is let down nice and easy in the university square and the little group climbs out into the sun. The sky is a bright purple color, the sun burns hot and yellow in the sky and it takes Trip's eyes a moment to adjust, but when they do he's got to conceal his wonder.

Trip has been on a lot of planets in his lifetime, and he likes to think that not much can surprise him these days but Mehtevas is one of the few things that can. It's beautiful, aside from the paved area they've set down on, most of the square is unpaved and covered in lush grass. Low trees with thick branches and flowers resembling Magnolias large enough for Elizabeth to sit on surround the square. Lush green and pink bushes are arranged in a circle in the center of the square and a large plume of water spouts from the middle, it must be the fountain.

The Mehtevians themselves have bright yellow eyes that stick out against their blue-grey skin and white hair. Two of them – one with very long hair done in an elaborate style to remble a flower and one with loose but very long hair – wait by the fountain. This must be Dr. Ylime and Dr. Kered.

"Are you the crew from Enterprise?" The flower haired woman asks.

"Yes, you're Dr. Ylime ?" T'Pol asks.

"Yes and this is my colleague Dr. Kered, he'll be taking two of you to the laboratories and the other two may accompany me to the gardens." Her face stretches into a wide smile revealing surprisingly menacing looking sharp teeth.

Dr. Kered steps forward. "Come, the laboratories are this way."

"Thank you." T'Pol nods, following after him and motioning for Trip to do the same. "I'm Commander T'Pol the ship's science officer, and this is Commander Tucker the chief engineer."

"Pleasure to meet you sir." Trip says offering a hand, the other man doesn't take it.

"Yes, well, we should hurry the students will be in the laboratories in an hour and there's a good deal to see." Dr. Kered says.

The labs are far different from the ones on Enterprise. Though they're entirely white and every surface sparkles with cleanliness, they also happen to contain cages, cages housing plants. Trip walks up to one and peers inside, what appears to be an orchid sits inside, he frowns.

"What's this orchid doin' in here?" He asks, poking a finger through.

Dr. Kered doesn't even have to respond, as soon as Trip's finger passes through the bars of the cage the orchid lunges. Trip jumps back, yanking his finger with him and staring at the plant in shock.

"That would be why." Dr. Kered says coldly, pulling a cord and closing the curtains over the cage. "That's a carnivorus plant called and 'diachor' they're found in the jungles outside the city. Though they cannot move very quickly from their spot in the ground they can lunge quite fast and some are known to be 5 feet tall. They have a nasty habit of maiming small children who wander into the jungle."

"An-and it's in here because…?" Trip asks warily.

"They carry a disease that crosses between plants and infests our crops, we're hoping to find a way to immunizes the diachor and eradicate the disease all together." Dr. Kedrek explains.

"How do you plan to do that with the wild diachor if you cannot get close?" T'Pol asks, peering into a cage which houses a blue diachor.

"We're hoping to find some way to transmit the immunization through the air and use hover craft to spread it over the jungle." Kered says, motioning them to move through the lab in a hurry, several different plants growl at them through the cages. Maybe he doesn't want to bring a plant home for Elizabeth after all, it might decide to have her for dinner.

"Have these things ever killed anyone?" Trip asks.

"The Diachor?" Dr. Kered asks, Trip nods. "For the most part no. Maiming is fairly common but death usually only occurs in particularly small children or if the injuries are left untreated and become infected."

"Seems like a hell of a thing to meet on a nature walk." He mutters.

"Oh I think you'll find Mehtevains don't go on many nature walks. The Diachor isn't the worst of the carnivorus plants on our world." Dr. Kered asks.

"What is?"

"That would be the Elithepode." Dr. Kered says as they walk past a row of bigger cages.

"And which one of the plants is that?" Trip asks, looking at a vine looking one covered in some sort of smelly goo.

"Oh we don't have one of those housed here. They're far too dangerous to transport and grow much too large to contain in captivity." Dr. Kered explains.

"And how large is that?" T'Pol asks, Trip jumps, she'd been so quiet he'd forgotten she was next to him.

"Oh around a kilometer in length. The portion of them that's exposed to the surface doesn't look particularly menacing, they're no bigger then a Diachor and don't seem to be very harmful. Unfortunately it is all a ruse, the main body of the plant is underground and will reach up with vines to pull you beneath the surface." Dr. Kered explains.

"Where do you go?" Trip frowns.

"No one knows yet, the Elithepode is extremely rare and those who have been attacked by it don't usually live to tell about it." Dr. Kered says. "Now how about we move into the gardens to meet the others?" He's holding the door open and obviously eager to leave, not seeming to want the two of them around the plants any longer.

"He's a cheery fella." Trip mutters to T'Pol as they leave the room.

* * *

 

T'Pol has to repress a scowl as her companions leave the decon chamber, Phlox had insisted they all go through as they'd all been surrounded by unfamiliar plants on the surface, but as T'Pol had developed a light cough she'd been told to stay. She pulls decontamination gel D out of the compartment and begins to rub it into her skin, wanting nothing more then to be able to return to her quarters and write her log for the day so she can go to sleep. She hadn't been able to get back to sleep properly after the nightmare the previous night and as a result was somewhat tired after spending all day on the surface.

"That seems to have done the trick T'Pol." Dr. Phlox says over the intercom, his voice far too cheery for T'Pol's taste. "You're contagion free."

"And the cough?" She asks, coughing into her hands again.

"That should fade within a couple of hours and I don't believe you'll be able to transmit anything to the rest of the crew." Phlox says. "You can redress and go back to your quarters."

"Thank you doctor." T'Pol says, pulling the fresh uniform out of the locker and dressing quickly.

As she's making her way to her quarters she spots a small figure coming quickly in the towards her, Elizabeth.

"Good evening Commander!" Elizabeth says as she passes, T'Pol coughs into her arm and is unable to return the greeting. Not that it seems to have mattered because the girl rushes past her anyway. It strikes T'Pol as a bit odd that a child who, according to Trip had been so eager to get to know her, would rush by without taking the opportunity to attempt to force T'Pol into a conversation.

Once T'Pol reaches her quarters T'Pol know's why Lizzie was rushing, something is taped on the door. T'Pol pulls it off, it's a folded piece of paper, a note addressed to herself from Elizabeth.

Commander T'Pol

I haven't been able to talk to you yet because Daddy says you're working a lot and don't have much time to talk to little girls. I'm sorry if this message takes up tons of your time or something but I really have to ask you something. My mommy left when I was just a baby and she was a Vulcan who worked for the High Command. I was wondering if maybe you knew her? Please don't tell daddy about this note. I don't ask him about Mommy because I did once and it made him really sad, I don't want him to be sad again. Can you just write me your answer and leave it at the ship's sweet spot by noon tomorrow?

Thanks a bunch

Elizabeth T'Les Tucker the first.

T'Pol enters the access code to her room and sits on the bed quickly, what is she supposed to do about this? She could always just leave a note at the proper place explaining that she has no knowledge of who Elizabeth's mother is but Elizabeth ought to ask her father. This however runs the risk of Elizabeth explaining to Trip that she had asked T'Pol in the first place and T'Pol had responded and not told him anything of it.

She puts the note on the night stand, deciding it was probably for the best that she call Trip and have a word with him. She pulls her communicator from her pocket, it will be easier to get him in private on the personal communicator then it will the comm system.

"Commander Tucker." She says into it.

The line on the other end clicks. "T'Pol? What are you callin' for?" Trip's voice is confused and somewhat annoyed, they'd just been together in decon a half an hour ago.

"Are you alone?" She asks.

"Lizzie's in the bedroom, why?" His tone is growing suspicious now.

"Because, I don't believe Elizabeth should overhear this." She says evenly, she hears him adjusting the volume on the communicator.

"Okay go ahead." He says.

"Elizabeth left a note taped to my door." She says quietly. "In it she asks if I know her mother because her mother used to work for the High Command."

"What?" Trip's voice asks, he's clearly shocked and she hears him get up and move across the room and close a door behind him. "Does she know about you? Did you tell her something!"

"Commander, I haven't even spoken to Elizabeth yet, I haven't told her anything. I have no indication that she knows who I am." She sighs, picking up the note and reading it to him. "I can leave a note in the proper place telling her I don't know anything if you wish but I don't know how long she will believe that.

Trip sighs on the other end. "Look, just, just let me handle it."

"How do you plan to handle it? She asked me not to say anything to you." T'Pol says.

"I won't tell her you told me what the note says, I'll just say that you said Elizabeth had left you a note and tell her to stop buggin' you." Trip sighs.

"What if she wants to speak with me?"

"We can arrange for her to be at dinner with us if she still wants to talk to you or somethin' but you know the rule, you ain't seeing her alone." Trip says.

"I'm aware of that Commander. Goodnight." She flips the communicator closed and reads the not over one last time. She gets up with the intent of disposing of it but instead she opens the night stand and pulls out the photo of Elizabeth. She opens the back of the frame, folds the note again and sets it carefully on the back of the picture before sliding the back into place again. Then she crosses calmly to the computer to start recording her logs.


	10. A Hole So Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back with Chapter 10, where both Trip and T'Pol are left with a dilemma and both of them have different ideas of handling it.
> 
> I have really enjoyed discussing this fic in the comments this past week and I hope to be able to do that this week too, it's always wonderful to hear from the people who read this fic and I'd love thoughts from y'all on this week's chapter. 
> 
> But here we go into observing how Trip and T'Pol see things so differently when it comes to their daughter, I will see you all again next week and I hope you enjoy this week!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 10 

“ _ I think I dug a hole so deep _ _   
_ _ And lately it’s been hard to sleep _ _   
_ _ Maybe I should dig a little more _ _   
_ _ Buried under covers friend _ _   
_ _ Don’t wanna play these songs again _ _   
_ __ Until I’ve found some one to play them for

_ Don’t speak for me _ _   
_ _ I’ll get with it _ _   
_ __ Give it just a little longer”

 

  * __“Don’t Speak for Me” by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness (Zombies on Broadway)__



* * *

 

Trip exits the bathroom where he’d been talking to T’Pol and knocks on Lizzie’s bedroom door before pushing it open. Elizabeth is stretched out on the bed reading something on a PADD, she looks up at him and sets it on her nightstand as he walks in. 

“Hey Princess.” He says, sitting on the edge of her bed. 

“Is it bedtime already daddy?” Elizabeth frowns. “It’s only 7:15…” 

“Well I need to talk to you about somethin’ Princess.” Trip sighs, pulling the covers of the bed back for her. 

“What is it?” Elizabeth puts her legs under the blankets and looks up at him from her pillows. 

“I just talked to Commander T’Pol. She said you left her a little note.” Trip tucks the blanket up to her chin. 

“Oh…” Elizabeth mumbles. 

“She didn’t tell me what it said, just said you’d made her promise not to, but you can’t be leavin’ her notes pumpkin. She ain’t got the time to write notes to little girls.” Trip sighs. 

“I just wanted to ask her something.” Elizabeth pouts. “I really needed to and she doesn’t seem like she’s ever going to talk to me on her own so I thought I’d just write her a note, it would be less trouble. I’d be less annoying.” 

“Annoying?” Trip frowns. “What made you think Commander T’Pol would find you annoying?” 

“I left her a note and she must’ve found that annoying...” Elizabeth raises an eyebrow – throwing him off for a second because the expression is so like her mother. 

“Well, uh, I guess you’re right, T’Pol don’t really like kids.” Trip says. 

“I guessed that much, she seems curious about me though, lots of scientists are. Do you think it would be okay if I talked to her?” Elizabeth asks, reaching over to grab her stuffed puppy from the end of the bed. 

Trying not to think about just how many scientists were curious about her, Trip pushes some hir behind her ear and forces a smile. “Well, how about I set it up so she’ll be at dinner with the Captain when you are this week, okay?” 

“Okay.” Elizabeth sighs, not giggling like she usually does when Trip taps her nose. “Goodnight daddy.” 

“Goodnight pumpkin.” Trip kisses her head and picks up the PADD she was reading from before leaving he room. 

Trip sits down at the desk to start recording his logs, setting the PADD next to one of his own, at first he doesn’t pay it much mind, but as he’s reaching over for another PADD he needs he stops. Elizabeth’s PADD has an article open still, an article on T’Pol. He picks it up and skims it quickly, the article is from her time in the High Command, Enterprise isn’t even mentioned once. Still it wouldn’t be a far jump to get from this article to an article about T’Pol on the ship. From there it wouldn’t take Elizabeth long to realize that T’Pol was her mother, and that was the last thing Trip needed at the moment. If Elizabeth was going to find out about T’Pol it was going to be from him and maybe T’Pol, but he didn’t want her to find out yet. Not unless she absolutely had to. 

The bell rings, pulling him from his pool of thoughts. He stands up and goes to the door, Lieutenant Anna Hess – who’d been watching Elizabeth in engineering most of the day – stands at his door, Elizabeth’s pink jacket in her hand. 

“Lizzie left this in Engineering, I thought she might need it.” Lieutenant Hess smiles,

“Thanks.” Trip says, taking the jacket and tossing it on the bed. “Hey Lieutenant, what did Lizzie spend the day doing?” 

Lieutenant Hess frowns. “She was on the computer most of the day and I think she watched a movie after lunch, why?” 

“Well, I noticed she was reading about T’Pol’s service in the High Command on a PADD this evening.” He sighs, Lieutenant Hess was one of the few people still on the ship who knew T’Pol was Elizabeth’s mother. 

“Oh, well if you want I can send the logs of what she was looking at to you?” Lieutenant Hess offers, a small frown crossing her face. 

“Nah, it’s fine, I just wanted to know if you noticed anything specific about what she was up to today.” He sighs. “Thanks for returning the jacket.” 

“Any time.” Lieutenant Hess smiles and turns to go back to her quarters and Trip returns to his. 

He records the logs as quickly as he can get away with but his heart isn’t in it, he’s preoccupied with the thought that Elizabeth might be catching on that something is up with T’Pol and can’t focus. Finally once he finished the last one he turns the computer off and goes to take a shower. 

The hot water rushing over him begins to clear his head and allow him to sort through some of the emotions of the evening. Something in the note had stuck in his head, the fact that Elizabeth didn’t ask him about her mother because Trip had gotten sad. The thought doesn't sit well with him because he doesn’t even immediately remember the occasion when Elizabeth had asked and when he does he’s surprised that Elizabeth even remembers that day, she’d only been 3 years old at the time. 

_ “If Miss Hoshi’s not my momma who is? Everyone has a Momma.”  _

That had been what she asked, in her tiny little voice, blinking up at him from the bed. She’d used to ask if Hoshi was her Momma on a fairly regular basis but before that day she’d never asked who her Momma was if it wasn’t Hoshi. The question had caught Trip off guard and he’d gotten sad and quite before telling her that it wasn’t a conversation for bed time and he’d tell her when she was older. Since she hadn’t asked about it again he assumed she’d forgotten but he really should’ve known better, Elizabeth had always been hyper-perceptive to emotion, even if he didn’t give any outward indication of what he was feeling. 

He’ll have to set up a dinner where Elizabeth can talk to T’Pol, but he’s sure as hell not leaving her alone to speak to her willy-nilly. That would be a very bad idea indeed. 

He steps out of the shower and pulls a pair of underwear and a t-shirt on, at least he has the rest of the night to himself to think over what to do. He grabs his book and stretches out on the bed, not sure he’ll be able to focus on reading anyway. 

* * *

 

After writing up her log T’Pol decides she needs to talk to someone about the note. Phlox would be too optimistic and no one else on Enterprise seems interested in speaking to her outside of the shift hours. It’s with that sort of reasoning that she ends up in front of Jon’s door. It seems strange to be going to him when Trip is his best friend, but at one point Jon was one of her closest compaions too and she’d like to think he’d still be willing. 

“T’Pol?” Jon stands in a pair of pajama pants in the doorway. “You okay?” 

“May I come in?” She asks. 

“Sure, sure.” He steps back to let her in and the door slides shut behind her. “Is everything okay? You’re still in your uniform.” He seems somewhat embarrassed that he’s only partially dressed, and reaches over to pull a t-shirt over his head. 

“I am… well I wish to speak to you about something. As a friend not as your first officer.” She says, sitting on the couch next to a snoring Porthos. 

“Of course.” Jon sits on the bed across from her and frowns. “What’s bothering you?” 

“It’s Elizabeth.” She says quietly. “She left me a note taped to the door asking if I knew who her mother was and if I could tell her about her… She doesn’t seem to have any indication that I’m her mother but it was… shocking.” 

“Of course it was.” Jon says sympathetically. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to read a note like that. Have you told Trip?” 

“Yes I did, though Elizabeth had asked me not to in her note I still felt it was best.” She explains. “He’s said he’ll try to make it so I’m able to speak with her – supervised of course – but I’m not even sure where I would begin…” 

“Has he agreed to tell Elizabeth who you are?” Jon asks. 

“No he hasn’t, he’s agreed to let her ask questions about Vulcan, but I’m to deny any knowledge of her mother… it just seems wrong to me.” She says quietly. 

“How so?” Jon asks, though she can tell he doesn’t really wonder why, he just wants her to ‘talk about her feelings’ as the humans put it. 

“I don’t believe children should be lied to, that aside I think lying to Elizabeth now would be a very bad idea. It is no longer a matter of if, but when she does come to discover that I’m her mother. When she does it could cause further damage to the trust between her and her father if we’ve both lied to her.” T’Pol sighs. 

“What makes you think she’ll ever discover anything?” 

“She’s a very smart child, I don’t think it will take long for the old Vulcan bonds to surface in a child, it won’t be long before she doesn’t have to ask. Her Vulcan psychology will tell her who I am.” T’Pol explains. 

“You know we have a phrase on Earth.” Jon says with a small smile. “’we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it’. It means that when we come face to face with that event we’ll deal with it, but until then it can be left alone.” 

“I just think that Trip has a naïve perception of her. I believe that bridge shall be reached far sooner than he would like.” T’Pol says honestly. 

“Well, if he does it will be a shock but there’s no getting around that, Trip’s always known what’s best for Elizabeth and he’s always done what’s best.” Jon explains. “Speaking of Trip, how did the two of you get along today?” 

“I sent a log.” T’Pol says, not caring much for the subject change. 

“I know you did, but I haven’t had time to read that log, nor will that log contain any personal notes on how it went with Trip.” Jon says matter-of-factly. 

“It went fine.” She says. “We were able to get along for most of the day without any major incidents, there were minor arguments when he wanted to go to the botanical gardens with Hoshi and Travis rather then to the labs but aside from that it went well.” 

“Good, good.” Jon smiles. “And you liked Mehtevas?” 

“It was a perfectly decent place yes, though it would appear that a good deal of their flora and fauna would like nothing more then to consume the locals and bits of Trip’s fingers.” T’Pol says. 

“Trip’s fingers?” Jon frowns. 

“The Diachor, a biting flower. They had one in a cage at the lab, Trip stuck his finger through the bars of the cage and it nearly got taken off.” T’Pol explains. 

Jon chuckles; “That does sound like something that would happen to Trip.” 

“It does yes.” T’Pol stands up. 

“Leaving so soon?” Jon asks. 

“Yes, thank you for your advice, it was helpful, to have someone to speak to.” She says frankly. 

“Any time, and I mean that. I’ll see you at breakfast.” Jon smiles at her as she exits the room. 

Once back in her quarters she changes into her pajamas and lights one of her scented candles, if ever she needs it it’s today. She settles on the bed with her copy of the Kir’shara, after a day like today she hopes the words of Surak will be slightly more helpful then those of Jonathan Archer. Unfortunately this does not prove true.  She is unable to focus on the Kir’shara for very long and ends up spending most of the time staring blankly at the pages wondering about this meeting with Elizabeth. 

What will Elizabeth ask her? If she asks about Vulcan most of the answers should be relatively easy, she’s spoken of her home planet to human children before. If she asks about T’Pol’s personal life however – even something as small as a previous job before Starfleet or what her parents did – T’Pol will have little choice but to make something up, to lie to her own daughter. She finds the thought to be abhorrent, while there are certainly things children shouldn’t know Vulcans rarely lie to their children. If a parent feels a child isn’t old enough to know an answer they tell them that and the child – even if left unsatisfied – must deal with that answer. Unfortunately these questions aren’t really the kind T’Pol can give the ‘wait until you’re older’ excuse. 

After turning it over and over in her mind for another hour T’Pol reaches the conclusion she doesn’t like: She has no choice but to lie to her own daughter, and she has a feeling that it won’t take long for Elizabeth to catch her and Trip in that lie. 


	11. House of Seven Swords

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no update last week, last weekend was a little bit crazy between my school work and an emergency foster puppy for a few days. But this weekend we are back down to two dogs and I am finally having time to sit and breathe. In addition to that I was more then a little absent in the comments this week, that would be due to having two major assignments due for one of my classes and I will certainly be responding again this week as both of those things are over. 
> 
> Chapter 11 is a little different, I wouldn't really all it a filler as there are two things of substance that come up later in the story but one is fairly subtle. Once again let me know what y'all think about it because I love hearing your thoughts.

Chapter 11  
 _“And thats the way it is love_  
 _Go which ever way you need to go_  
 _Nobody can tell you how to build_  
 _Your house of seven swords”_  
 _House of Seven Swords (Liberman) by Vanessa Carlton_

* * *

  
The next morning Trip decides it’s best to keep Lizzie in Engineering with him, he wants to be able to monitor what she’s up to when not working on school. Throughout the morning he stops periodically at his desk where Elizabeth is supposed to be doing her school work and she seems to be working on her assignments the entire time. However as the morning progresses he notices something else that worries him. Elizabeth has coughed a couple of times, not enough to concern parents who have perfectly healthy children, and it certainly could just be a throat tickle or small cough, but Trip doesn’t have the luxury of believing it’s just a throat tickle.   
“Hey Lizzie-bug.” Trip says, when his lunch break rolls around. “Before we go to lunch I want to take you by Phlox okay?”   
Elizabeth frowns. “Why Daddy? I feel just fine.”   
“I heard you coughing, and we don’t want it to turn into something bad okay?” Trip says, he knows how much she hates to have to go to sickbay for a check up. She does fine with social visits to Dr. Phlox and Dr. Cutler, but check-ups are not her favorite thing, especially when she has a reason to worry that she might have to stay in sickbay.   
“Alright, but can I have ice cream after lunch?” She asks hopefully.   
“Sure thing pumpkin, now come on lets hurry along to sickbay.” He offers up his hand and walks her out of engineering.  
They arrive at sickbay to find it will be Dr. Cutler seeing them today, Phlox is busy feeding the animals. Rather reluctantly Elizabeth climbs up on the bio bed and swings her legs while Dr. Cutler gathers her tools.   
“What are her symptoms?” Dr. Cutler asks, feeling Elizabeth’s lymph nodes.   
“Well I noticed she’s coughed a couple of times since this morning.” He says somewhat sheepishly, he always feel ridiculous for coming in for every little thing. “I just thought given her history we should come get her looked at, I don’t want this to turn into anything too bad.”   
“Well it’s always better to be safe then sorry.” Dr. Cutler smiles. “Ever since Elsie was sick as a newborn I’ve been twice as worried about her then my other three.” She puts the stethoscope to Elizabeth’s chest and has her breathe in and out a few times. “Does anything hurt Elizabeth?”   
“My throats a little scratchy, but I think it’s cause I’m thirsty.” Elizabeth says, frowning as the cold stethoscope touches her skin.   
“Okay,” Dr. Cutler says, returning the stethoscope to it’s place around her neck. “Well aside from the coughing she doesn’t have any other symptoms. She doesn’t have a fever, heart rate is good and she doesn’t appear to be sick. I’ll give her some cough medicine and we’ll see if that helps anything.”   
“Thanks Doctor.” Trip says, ruffling Elizabeth’s hair. He wishes he were able to shake it off as easily as Lizzie and the doctor, but he just can’t shake the feeling that something could be wrong. Dr. Cutler hands him the bottle of cough medicine and instructs him to give her a teaspoon before bed, and he and Lizzie go off to lunch.   
After lunch Lizzie is noticeably restless in engineering, she finishes her school work by 3pm and he tries to get her to stay still with a movie but she’s not having it.   
“Daddy I’m bored.” Elizabeth whines, following him around the engine to where they’re cleaning the plasma injectors. “Please can I help you?”   
“Elizabeth.” He sighs in exasperation. “I’ve told you a half dozen times, cleaning the plasma injectors is not a job for little girls.”   
“Well then can I go home?” She crosses her arms and pouts at him.   
“No you can’t do that either. I want to keep an eye on you.” Trip sighs, picking up one of the injectors and starting to take it apart for cleaning.   
“Why? I’ve stayed home plenty of times before.” Elizabeth whines.   
“Because you have a cough, I want to watch it so it doesn’t get any worse.” It’s a lame excuse and he knows it, but he can’t exactly tell her he knows she’s been looking up T’Pol and that she’s not allowed to do that. That would bring up a whole other conversation he’s not ready to have yet.   
“Fine.” Elizabeth huffs, but she doesn’t move from where she’s stood. “Can I go to the mess hall and get a snack then?”   
“You just had lunch.” Trip frowns.   
“Daddy, lunch was 3 hours ago.” Elizabeth points to the clock, Trip looks at it. She has a point there, it has been a lot longer since lunch then he’d thought.   
“Alright, fine, go get yourself a snack but come back here as soon as you’re done eating it.” He says.   
“Yay!” Elizabeth says, dashing out of engineering as fast as she can without breaking the ‘no running’ rule.   
It’s not until Trip’s done cleaning the first of the plasma injectors and has started on the second one that he looks at the clock again. 3:45 pm, Elizabeth has been gone nearly 45 minutes now.   
“Lieutenant!” He calls over to Lieutenant Hess.  
“Yes sir?” She calls back.   
“You seen Elizabeth?”   
“No sir, not since she left to get her snack.” Lieutenant Hess peers around the warp Engine too look at him. “Should I go look for her?”   
“No, I’ll do it. You have the engine Lieutenant.” He says, standing up and starting towards the exit. Before he can leave the door slides open and in skips Elizabeth, her blue dress has a smear of pink on the front, she must’ve been having strawberries. “Elizabeth.”   
“Yes daddy?” Elizabeth frowns.   
“Where were you? You were gone almost an hour.” Trip says, rushing over and kneeling infront of her. “You were supposed to come straight back after your snack.”   
“I did come straight back, but had a cup of tea too and I had to wait for it to cool down.” She frowns.   
“Elizabeth, a quick snack is not 45 minutes, I meant more like 15.” He scolds. “Now go sit down and don’t leave the desk until it’s time for dinner tonight understand?”   
“Yes sir.” Elizabeth grumbles, moping back towards his desk.

* * *

 

T’Pol had taken a rather late lunch that day, not that she’d intended to but she’d been caught up in filing all the botanical data gathered from Mehtevas the day before and before she knew it 3pm had arrived.   
“Commander,” Captain Archer says from his spot.   
“Yes Captain?” T’Pol looks up from her work, hiding her annoyance at having been disturbed.   
“It’s 3pm and you haven’t gone to lunch.” Captain Archer says. “Go get something to eat, the data will be here when you get back.”   
“Captain I would like –“   
“It will be here when you get back, now go get something to eat. That’s an order.” He insists.   
She steps out of her station, giving Lieutenant Markov clear instructions not to mess with the data she was working on but to move onto the non-violent plants they’d logged instead. She steps into the turbo lift and presses the button for E deck. She doesn’t like being made to stop in the middle of her work for the human tradition of a lunch break, as a Vulcan she could go days without food or water and experience little discomfort, she was more then fine to continue her work. Still she knew Captain Archer never seemed to believe Vulcans ate enough and didn’t like to worry that his staff wasn’t getting the time to eat -there’d been far too many missed meals in the expanse for his taste.   
For lunch she selects a simple salad and a cup of tea and takes both to her usual spot in the back of the mess hall. Most of the crew know better then to disturb her while she eats so she expects to be left alone, and for the most part this is true, until about a third of the way through the meal. A third of the way through her salad she starts to feel someone watching her, she glances around the mess hall discreetly. On the other side of the mess, wearing a blue dress and a hairbow big enough to hide her face sits Elizabeth. The little girl’s eyes are fixed on T’Pol as though she’s either trying to work up the courage to come talk to her or hoping that she’ll be noticed. It’s certainly working, but T’Pol doesn’t plan to engage the girl and to reduce the risk of Elizabeth gaining the confidence to initiate conversation herself she starts eating slightly quicker.   
She finishes the meal a full 15 minutes before she usually does and makes her way quickly past Elizabeth to leave the mess, pretending not to notice her presence at all. She’ll have to bring this up to Trip as soon as possible as well, but before she can get her communicator out she notices Elizabeth has left the mess and started back towards engineering. She’ll have to wait until dinner then.   
That night at dinner Trip arrives 10 minutes late – he seems to always arrive late as he has to get Elizabeth settled at dinner first.   
“Sorry I’m late.” He apologizes. “Had to get Lizzie set up first.”   
“It’s fine Trip.” Captain Archer assures.  
“Trip, we need to discuss something.” T’Pol says.   
“What?” He asks as he sits down, pulling a plate towards him.   
“Elizabeth.” T’Pol starts. “This afternoon while I was at lunch I noticed Elizabeth was also in the mess hall.”  
“And?” Trip asks, taking a bite of his chicken and giving her a quizzical look.   
“And, she spent the entirety of my lunch staring at me.” T’Pol says.   
“Was this about 45 minutes of time?” He asks,   
“30, but I believe she was already in the mess hall when I arrived.” T’Pol nods.   
“I wondered what kept her so long, she said she wanted to go get a snack – I probably shouldn’t have let her go alone but I needed to get work done.” Trip sighs. “Did she talk to you?”   
“No she did not.” T’Pol assures. “But I did get the impression that she wanted to talk to me, or wanted for me to come speak to her. I ate faster then normal to reduce the chance of her gaining the courage to speak to me. I would’ve spoken to you sooner but as soon as I left the mess hall she did as well, I assume she went back to engineering?”   
“Yeah, she came back around 3:45.” He sighs. “I’m sorry she bothered you, I’ll keep a better eye on her but she’s starting to fight that too.”   
“Keeping a better eye on her may work but she’s a strong willed child.” T’Pol points out. “I think it’s best that we put her in a situation where she can talk to me, supervised of course.”   
As much as T’Pol would love to be able to tell Elizabeth everything about who she is she knows Trip will never go for it so she doesn’t even suggest unsupervised conversations. Trip is quiet for a moment, considering what she’s said – he had told her he wanted to have Elizabeth talk to her at some point because of the note.   
“She can always come to dinner.” Captain Archer suggests. “I know we were going to have her for dinner on nights when T’Pol wasn’t here, but there’s no reason that she can’t be here when T’Pol’s around too.”   
Trip nods. “Alright, would tomorrow be okay? I’d like to minimize the chance of another incident like this happening.”   
“Tomorrow's perfect.” Captain Archer smiles. “What do you think T’Pol? Sound good?”   
“It sounds perfectly suitable to me.” She says quietly, not saying how much she’d rather have a discussion as Elizabeth’s mother rather then a complete stranger. Though having been gone so long she supposes she’d be a complete stranger no matter who she was speaking to Elizabeth as.   
“Good.” Captain Archer smiles. “I’ll tell chef to prepare something for Lizzie tomorrow and it’s all settled. We’ll even make sure to have plenty of ice-cream.”   
“Make sure it’s lactose free.” Trip says. “We forgot that the last time and it wasn’t pretty.”   
“Of course.” Captain Archer chuckles. “Poor Lizzie sure had a miserable time with that.”   
As cheery as Captain Archer and Trip are both trying to sound T’Pol isn’t fooled, they’re both as worried about this meeting as she is. While they have no reason to believe that Elizabeth knows who T’Pol is they really have no way of knowing for sure until they talk to her and none of them want dinner tomorrow to be any more awkward then it’s already going to be.

 


	12. You're My Silver Lining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Chapter 12, here we go. So there are a couple of things that y'all should be aware of because it may effect next week's (February 24th) update, I have 2 projects, a speech and a final all due by the first of March so I don't know that I'll be updating next weekend or replying to any comments or reviews this week.
> 
> Okay so this chapter is the firs time Lizzie sits and talks to T'Pol, I tried to make it a fairly typical setting, a dinner and Elizabeth is of course the talkative kid, and T'Pol is slightly overwhelmed by this. Completely understandable at this point given what has led up to this and what she thinks Lizzie will be asking.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave a review cause I really enjoy reading them!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 12 

“ _ I keep going back there _ _   
_ _ To the crowded street where _ _   
_ _ I could see you walking in my sleep _ _   
_ _ I’ll never stop trying _ _   
_ __ You’re my silver lining” 

 

  * __“Walking in My Sleep”_ ** _Zombies on Broadway_** _by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness__



 

* * *

 

The next day Trip decides it’s best to keep Lizzie in engineering. Once again this idea doesn’t go over very well with her but the prospect of dinner with the Captain and T’Pol seems to pacify her – at least while she does her school work. Trip spends most of his day running tests to ensure the plasma injectors had been installed correctly the day before, and, of course, periodically checking in on Lizzie to make sure she hasn’t tried to brush up on T’Pol anymore then she already has. Thankfully, Lizzie stays put most of the day, not even asking to go get a snack and taking her cough medicine when she starts to cough a little after lunch. After 4 o’clock passes Lizzie starts getting restless. 

“Daddy.” Lizzie whines at almost 5. “Is shift over yet?” 

“No pumpkin it’s not, you asked that five minutes ago.” He says, trying to remind himself not to be annoyed with her. “Just go sit down and wait please.” 

So back to her seat she would shuffle, flip through a book for a few minutes and come back to asking when it was time to go to dinner. He knew this apparent starvation wasn’t hunger but the desire to finally talk to T’Pol.  

Her excitement to talk to a “real” Vulcan as she put it made him feel a little guilty, he’d never really put much thought into how she saw herself.  Maybe he hadn’t done such a good job of incorporating Vulcan culture into her life, she knew almost nothing about it – except that most Vulcans repressed their emotions and were vegetarian. She’d only met a handful of Vulcans in her life, 3 of them hadn’t wanted to see her at all and Soval hadn’t had the time to talk to a little girl while preparing for a diplomatic mission. 

He assumed that if she was treated like a little girl on Earth that’s what she’d be, only that didn’t seem to be true. She talked about ‘real’ Vulcans like they were some step above her, Trip wasn’t able to tell why. Trip didn’t know if it was because she’d never met a Vulcan for longer than 10 minutes or because she somehow thought her Vulcan blood didn’t count. Did she think that because she was only half Vulcan she was worth less than full Vulcans? Or did she think of herself as human instead? Either way, for some reason he can’t quite pin down it doesn’t sit well with him that she thinks of herself as less Vulcan. 

Her behavior was also becoming increasingly more Vulcan – at least according to Hoshi. Elizabeth has always been very head strong but at eight years old she was still throwing temper tantrums like she was four or five. Hoshi seemed to think this was something that had to do with unrepressed Vulcans feeling their emotions more strongly, especially strong ones such as sadness or anger. She certainly seemed to go that way. 

“Daddy, that’s the end of shift.” Elizabeth says, pulling him from his thoughts as the buzz rings out through engineering to signal that it is indeed the end of shift. 

“Alright pumpkin, let’s go get your dinner.” He sighs, standing up and holding his hand out to her. 

“Commander T’Pol will be at dinner right?” Elizabeth asks, taking his hand and trying to tug him along faster. 

“Slow down,” Trip chuckles. “Dinner will still be there when we get there.” Elizabeth sighs and slows her pace to walk next to him.

“Okay fine, see I’m slow, but will she be there?” Elizabeth asks. “Will I be able to talk to a real Vulcan?” 

“Yes, yes she’ll be there.” Trip assures. “You’ll be able to talk to her but don’t be too intrusive, okay Liz?” 

“What do you mean too intrusive?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“I mean don’t go asking her everything from what her favorite color is to if she’s married.” Trip sighs. 

“What if I want to know her favorite color?” Elizabeth asks. 

“Okay look, you can ask her favorite color but Vulcans are very private, don’t go asking her about everything under the sun. Got it?” He asks. 

“Got it.” Elizabeth nods. 

As they round the corner to the mess hall Elizabeth’s pace slows and she falls behind him, he glances back at her and frowns. She’s chewing on the sleeve of her sweater like she does when she’s nervous and her eyes have gotten big.

He kneels in front of her and makes her look at him. “You okay baby girl?” 

“What if she doesn’t like me?” She whispers, leaning against his shoulder.

“What do you mean what if she doesn’t like you?” Trip frowns, wrapping an arm around her and stroking her hair. “Why wouldn’t she?” 

“Well you said she didn’t like kids.” Elizabeth mutters. “And none of the other real Vulcans liked me… most of them wouldn’t even look at me.” 

“Hey now.” He says, pulling back and looking at her. “She might not like kids but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to like you. She just hasn’t met Lizzie-bug yet, just be yourself okay?” 

“Will you carry me?” She asks, hooking his arms around her neck, Trip stands up, pulling Elizabeth with him. 

“Of course I will baby girl.” He kisses her hair and starts back towards the mess hall. 

By the time they walk into the main mess hall she’s smiling again and he can almost feel her excitement, she asks him to put her down before they walk into the Captain's mess. He complies and she takes his hand and all but drags him into the Captain’s Mess. Captain Archer and T’Pol are already both seated. 

* * *

 

T’Pol can’t shake the mild discomfort that she has as soon as Elizabeth walks into the mess hall, dragging Trip along behind her. T’Pol watches as Elizabeth pulls out a chair and sits down carefully, up close Elizabeth looks even more like Trip then she’d have thought. Elizabeth pulls her plate over to her and looks over at T’Pol. 

“Hello Commander T’Pol.” The girl smiles. “I’m Elizabeth.” 

“It’s nice to meet you Elizabeth.” T’Pol says politely, looking over at Trip, who’s watching both of them closely. 

“You’re from Vulcan right?” Elizabeth asks. 

“Yes, from ShiKhar, the capital.” T’Pol nods, taking a bite of her dinner. 

“What’s it like?” Elizabeth asks, reaching for the juice cup.

The brief moment Elizabeth isn’t looking at T’Pol allows T’Pol enough time to glance at Trip for permission to answer the question, he doesn’t have to nod for her to know it’s alright. “It’s significantly warmer than most places on earth, even during the winter temperatures below 30 Celsius are rare.” 

“Why don’t Vulcans like their emotions?” Elizabeth’s next question tumbles out so quickly that T’pol has hardly had time to finish answering the previous one.

“It is not that we do not like our emotions.” T’Pol says slowly, trying to find a way to explain this to an eight-year-old.  “Our emotions are dangerous, they can sometimes cause us to hurt one another and they’ve started wars before. Vulcan emotions were stronger then human ones, though these days almost all Vulcans repress them, with the exception of a handful of Vulcans.” 

“What happens to the ones who don’t repress their emotions?” Elizabeth asks, taking a bite of her sandwich and furrowing her brow in a very Trip manner

“Some claim they can live in harmony with their emotions but most do not find this to be true, the emotions become too overwhelming and they at some point lose control and are forced back down the path of repression.” T’Pol explains. 

The meal continues in a somewhat uncomfortable manner, at least for T’Pol – and she assumes from Trip from how tense his shoulders remain for the entirety of the meal. Elizabeth seems to hang on T’Pol’s every word and it leaves T’Pol to wonder how it is that the child knows absolutely nothing about her own world. When chef offers to let Elizabeth come back and prepare the dessert she seems to forget entirely about the questions and trots off to help.

T’Pol watches her leave and then looks back at Trip. “She’s…” it takes her a moment to think of the word but she finally says it; “she’s so much like you.” 

“Really?” Trip frowns. 

“Of course she is.” T’Pol nods. “Why wouldn’t she be? You raised her. She’s so smart, eager to learn, and she seems happy.” 

“Well yeah I raised her, but I guess I never really thought she was much like me.” Trip says. “She does love math and will do anything to get out of her Reading. As far as she’s concerned all she must be able to do at the end of the day is read math problems the rest doesn’t matter.” 

“I take it you were like that?” T’Pol asks. 

“Yeah I guess you could say I was.” Trip nods. “I mean I guess she’s like me, but every now and then she’ll do something that catches me completely off guard.” 

“What do you mean?” T’Pol asks. 

“I mean she’ll say something or do something and for just a moment she’s you.” Trips voice sounds almost the slightest bit sad. “The other day she was so focused on something she was doing, and she had the same look of concentration that you get when you’re focused on your work. It catches me off guard sometimes, like she always looks like you but when she did that I could’ve sworn I was looking at you at 8.” 

“You weren’t alive when I was 8.” She points out. 

Trip looks like he’s going to say something more when Elizabeth skips out and helps chef put a bowl of ice cream in front of each of them. T’Pol doesn’t really care for it and usually avoids it but the look on Elizabeth’s face as she waits for T’Pol to eat some tells her that she can’t refuse. She glances at Trip and then back at Elizabeth, who’s staring back at her with her wide unblinking eyes. T’Pol is about to refuse when Elizabeth says:

“It’s lactose free cause I can’t have dairy but it still tastes good.” 

T’Pol glances over to Trip and takes a bite, she’d never cared for ice cream, regardless of what it contained or how it was prepared. 

“Alright pumpkin.” Trip says nearly half an hour later. “Say goodbye it’s time to get you in your bath.” 

“But Daddy…” Elizabeth pouts, but a stern look from Trip seems to change her mind. “Okay… Goodbye Captain! Goodbye Commander T’Pol!” 

“Goodnight Elizabeth.” T’Pol says.

Trip picks her up and exits the mess, and Captain Archer turns to her. 

“So what do you think?” Captain Archer asks. 

“I think she’s exactly like Trip.” T’Pol says quietly. “I think he’s doing a wonderful job raising her, much better then I would’ve been able to do if I’d been on my own.” 

“You’d’ve been fine.” Captain Archer says. 

“No, I wouldn’t have, but just because he’s doing fine doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have stayed.” She says quietly. 

“T’Pol,” Captain Archer says. “I’m not going to argue with that, you should’ve stayed with your daughter but what’s done is done. For now the most you can do is try to work it out with Trip and maybe someday she’ll know who you are and why you did it.” 

“Perhaps.” She says, but Captain Archer's optimistic words mean little to her, she doubts Trip will ever settle for T’Pol telling Elizabeth the truth. She can hope Elizabeth will figure it out on her own but it could take months for that to happen and it won’t necessarily be a good thing when it does.  “I should be going as well, I have to meditate before bed.” 

“Alright, sleep well T’Pol. I’ll see you at breakfast.” Captain Archer smiles. 

“Same to you Captain.” T’Pol says. 

Once back in her quarters T’Pol showers and changes into her pajamas, but before pulling out her meditation candles she looks at the picture of Elizabeth. Elizabeth is just like she’d imagined, smart, outgoing, just like Trip, and T’Pol wishes she’d been there to raise her daughter. She had the impression that Elizabeth knew so little about Vulcan and it’s people that she didn’t even consider herself to be Vulcan. Even though she looked Vulcan and green blood ran through her veins and she had Vulcan emotions too. T’Pol could sense them radiating off her at the dinner table, she’d been excited and nervous at the same time. 

T’Pol puts the picture back and pulls out her meditation mat and candles. Hopefully a couple of hours of meditation will push the feelings of guilt and worry that had arisen over dinner back down where they belonged. 


	13. Puzzle Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so here we are at chapter 14. I had time for this today largely because I finished my two big assignments and now I'm at a place where it's like 'oh well everything is out of my power at this point' with them, and all i have to do for the other big thing is rehearse my speech.
> 
> OKay so next week I should update but it will be either late Friday night or sometime on Saturday. Friday is my final for biology (I'm presenting a disease so wish me luck) so I don't know that I'll be up to editing and posting a whole chapter after that. In addition to this the next time i update this story I'll also start updating TFTV again, it's finally finished and I've started planning the next installment in that series as well.
> 
> So this chapter leaves us with Lizzie and T'Pol in a very important place, though that place is doubly important for little miss Lizzie. So I hope to hear your thoughts on this chapter in the reviews because I really enjoy reading them (especially during finals week) and I'll see you all next week.

Chapter 13

_ Like a final puzzle piece _ _   
_ _ It all makes perfect sense to me… _ _   
_ __ The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity.

 

  * __“Pluto”_ _Atlas: Year One_ ** _Sleeping At Last_**_



* * *

 

 

The next morning, upon returning from his shower Trip spots Lizzie coughing, he goes over to her and looks at her, she looks a little paler then normal. 

“You okay princess?”

“My throat hurts a little from coughing.” She mutters, her voice was scratchy and low. “But I’m okay, I just want water.”

“Alright, how about we get you some water and then we’re going to see the Doctor.” Trip says, filling her a glass of water and handing it to her. 

“I don’t want to go.” She pouts, taking the glass of water and drinking a few gulps. 

“I know you don’t, but I think it’s best that you do.” Trip sighs. “We don’t want this to become something bad, so we’ll go in now and the Doc will give you some medicine and you can watch movies in engineering for the rest of the day. Okay?” 

“Okay…” Elizabeth sighs, setting the glass back on the desk. 

“Good, now go get dressed so we can go see Doctor Phlox.” Trip smiles, ruffling her messy hair. “And don’t forget to brush your hair either.” 

“I won’t.” Elizabeth says, trotting back to her room. 

The cough was really starting to worry him, it sounded wetter this morning then it had the day before, and that meant chest cold. Chest colds went one of two ways for Elizabeth, either she got them and they lasted two horrible weeks, or she got them and they lasted two horrible weeks and then became pneumonia that seemed hell bent on killing her. There was no in between with her and because of this he’s not taking any chances – even if it is a bit of an overreaction. 

“Okay daddy,” Elizabeth says, coming out wearing her pink dress and hairbow. “I’m ready, will you carry me?” 

“Sure thing pumpkin.” Trip smiles, picking her up and kissing her cheek. 

 

As soon as she sees them Doctor Cutler motions them over to the bio bed, apparently Phlox is still at breakfast. As much as he like Liz Cutler he really does wish Phlox was here, Dr. Cutler doesn’t spend much time on  _ Enterprise  _ these days and doesn’t see Elizabeth nearly as often as Phlox does, Phlox is more familiar with Elizabeth’s pattern of sickness. Trip reminds himself this is more a peace of mind visit then anything else and sets Lizzie on the bio bed. 

“So what’s up with our Lizzie-bug today?” Dr. Cutler asks, washing her hands in the sink as she speaks. 

“My throat hurts from my cough.” Elizabeth says, her voice is still a little scratchier then usual and she frowns up at Dr. Cutler sadly. 

“Does it?” Dr. Cutler frowns back, pulling out her stethoscope. “Any fever?” 

“Not from what I can tell.” Trip shakes his head. “I haven’t taken her temperature but we came right in anyway, her cough seems a little wet to me, like there’s fluid in her lungs.” 

“Can I put the stethoscope under your dress sweetheart?” Dr. Cutler asks Elizabeth, Lizzie unzips the side of the dress and grimaces as the cold metal touches her skin. “Well, wet is better then dry, it means the mucus in her lungs is loosened up, she can cough it up.” 

“Mucus? You mean there’s something in her lungs?” Trip asks, suddenly more panicked then he was before. 

“Well not much, but I can hear it on the stethoscope.” Dr. Cutler nods. “Honestly if it’s a wet cough and she’s coughing it up she’ll probably be fine.” 

“Doesn’t she need an antibiotic or something? You know because of her history?” Trip asks. 

“I wouldn’t prescribe one yet, if it doesn’t clear up in a couple of days come back but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.” Dr. Cutler insists. 

“Well not now it’s not but what about in a few days?” Trip asks. 

“Then we’ll deal with it in a few days.” Dr. Cutler says. “You can always come back and see Phlox in an hour but if she was my daughter I’d take her home, give her honey water and lemon, tuck her into bed and wait it out. She might not have much of an immune system but if it’s a wet cough it sounds to me like she’s already started to fight it off.” 

“See daddy, I told you not to worry.” Elizabeth smiles, hopping off the bio bed. “Can I have a lollipop Dr. Cutler?” 

“If it’s concerning to you then you can always bring her in for peace of mind, but I don’t think she needs anything right now.” Dr. Cutler repeats, then she smiles down at Elizabeth. “Sure, lets go get you a lollipop.” 

Trip watches Dr. Cutler lift Elizabeth up to dig through the jar of lollipops, a slight frown etched on his face, Elizabeth might be happy with this solution but he’s not. He knows Dr. Cutler is only here 8 weeks a year but he’d have thought given Elizabeth’s history she would’ve taken it more seriously, but she wasn’t Elizabeth’s doctor. Besides he wasn’t a doctor, and it  _ was  _ a wet cough, maybe she was fighting it off, and if she was that was certainly a good sign. 

Still, as much as he wants to believe Elizabeth is getting better and fighting it off he’s doesn’t, not truly. He makes a mental note to bring Elizabeth back that night before bed, he’ll feel a lot better with Phlox telling him that it’s just a cough, she’s fighting it off and she’ll be fine. 

“Okay Daddy can we go get breakfast now?” Elizabeth asks, running over and jumping into his arms. 

He chuckles and kisses her cheek. “Sure thing pumpkin, lets go get you those pancakes.” 

“Can I have blueberry ones? And honey and lemon water like Dr. Cutler said?” Elizabeth asks, putting her arm around his neck. 

“You can have both of those things, and then we’ll set you up with your blanket and a movie in engineering for the day okay?” He asks, turning and waving to Dr. Cutler before he exits sick bay. 

“Okay. Can we go to dinner with Commander T’Pol again?” Elizabeth asks hopefully. 

“No not this time princess, but Daddy is going to eat dinner with you and Ms. Hoshi tonight, how’s that sound?”  He tickles her tummy with one hand. 

“Well, okay I guess that’s good too.” Elizabeth giggles. 

* * *

 

Most of T’Pol’s morning is spent in the laboratories, overseeing the continued cataloging of the samples from Mehtevas. She’d intended to skip lunch that day so she could finish the samples but the Captain didn’t seem too keen to let that happen.

“Captain Archer to Commander T’Pol.” Captain Archer’s voice rings out from the Comm. 

T’Pol sighs and crosses the room to where the comm is. “Yes Captain?” 

“You had lunch yet Commander?” Captain Archer asks. 

“We’re logging the plant samples still, I haven’t had the time.” She says, resigning herself to what will come next. 

“Well take a break, I want you to meet me for lunch in the main mess hall.” Captain Archer says. 

“Is something wrong Captain?” She asks, raising her eyebrows. 

“Does something have to be wrong for me to enjoy a cup of coffee with my first officer?” She can practically hear his smile through the comm. “I’ll see you in twenty minutes. Archer out.” 

T’Pol motions over Lieutenant Mikhail. “Lieutenant I’d like you to over see the logging of the samples for the next hour while I’m meeting with the Captain.” 

“Yes Commander.” Lieutenant Mikhail nods.

T’Pol removes her lab coat and hangs it on the hook before leaving. She’d much rather stay and continue to oversee the logging of the samples but she knows she can’t argue with the captain and she’d be letting him down if she turned down his invitation. 

T’Pol is surprised that Captain Archer isn’t in the mess hall when she arrives, she must’ve gotten here earlier then she thought. She gets herself a cup of tea and a bowl of broth and goes to her usual table in the back. A few tables down she notices Elizabeth, reading something on a PADD and eating soup, she looks paler then she did the other day and T’Pol finds herself concerned that she’s ill. 

Concerns of illness are soon replaced with concerns of another sort because as soon as Elizabeth notices her she frowns. For a second it looks like Elizabeth is going to come over and speak to her but she doesn’t, and after a minute she looks back down at the PADD. T’Pol does her best not to stare at the girl and begins eating her lunch but every couple of minutes Elizabeth will look up from her PADD and lunch and watch T’Pol for a bit. Each time the way she watches T’Pol changes ever so slightly, as though she’s trying to figure something out but is just barely missing something for the answer.

“You okay T’Pol?” Captain Archer’s sudden appearance almost causes T’Pol to jump, she’s more unnerved then she thought. 

“I – yes, I’m fine.” T’Pol says, taking a bite of her soup as the Captain sits down. “You wished to see me?” 

Captain Archer chuckles. “I suppose I did but when you say it like that it sounds like you’re in trouble. I just wanted to see how the cataloging was going?” 

“It’s going well, we should be able to finish this evening.” T’Pol says, glancing over the Captain’s shoulder to where Elizabeth is, she’s watching T’Pol again but looks quickly back at the PADD when she notices T’Pol has seen her. 

Captain Archer glances over his shoulder. “What’s up with Lizzie?” 

“She’s been reading the PADD but every few minutes she looks up and studies me.” T’Pol says quietly. “I admit it’s a bit unnerving.” 

“Studying you? Why?” Captain Archer asks, looking back at T’Pol. 

“I’m not entirely sure.” T’Pol says slowly, Elizabeth looks back up at her and makes eye contact for a moment before T’Pol looks away and give the Captain her attention. 

“But you have a theory, don’t you?” Captain Archer says quietly. 

“Yes I do.” T’Pol confirms. 

“And that would be?” 

“I believe Elizabeth has either discovered that I am her mother, or is very close to making that discovery.” T’Pol says. 

“How would she possibly have done that?” Captain Archer frowns. 

“It’s not hard.” T’Pol insists. “All she has to do is get her hands on a PADD that isn’t locked, then she could look up any information she would like about me. Where I’m from, what my previous assignments are – if she reads Vulcan she could even look up my birth records in the Vulcan Medical Database, it’s all public record.” 

“T’Pol,” Captain Archer says. “She’s an eight-year-old girl, I doubt she’d think to look up any of that.” 

“Captain,” T’Pol says. “She’s a smart eight-year-old girl, a  _ Vulcan  _ eight-year-old girl. Vulcan family bonds are incredibly strong, she could still feel the bond without knowing what it is, - or even that it’s there. It could explain why she’s so drawn to me.” 

“She’s drawn to you because you’re a Vulcan and most of them won’t even look at her.” Captain Archer reminds her. 

“Possible yes,” T’Pol admits. “But I don’t think the drive would be this strong if that was the case, I think she would’ve dropped it after she was able to speak with me.” 

“Okay, say she does know who you are, what are you going to do?” Captain Archer asks. 

“I’m going to wait until she comes to me or to Trip, and then I suppose Trip and I must discuss it between ourselves.” T’Pol says, looking back at Elizabeth, who’s picking up her tray and leaving the mess hall. 

“You’ll figure it out.” Captain Archer assures. “Besides, there’s no way to know if she has figured it out or not, and my bets say she hasn’t. You’re giving her too much credit.”

T’Pol doesn’t say anything more on the topic but she can’t shake the feeling that Elizabeth knows who she is. The rest of the meal is spent discussing the samples from Mehtevas and all thoughts of Elizabeth are pushed from her mind until she is making her way back from the lab. 

On her way back to the lab her mind begins to wander and she’s starting to pick up on emotions coming from somewhere, confusion and worry seem to be the dominant ones. She pauses outside the lab trying to decipher where they’re coming from, she turns around and as she turns in the direction of engineering they grow stronger. Though there’s a small chance they’re Trip’s their mate bond hasn’t been this strong in years. The bond between mother and child is far more likely to return this soon, and something tells her the emotions are Elizabeth’s.

T’Pol quickly tries to distract herself from the bond, Elizabeth doesn’t seem to realize it’s there yet and T’Pol has no intention off alerting her to it by prodding the bond any further. She puts up her mental block and enters the lab, deciding to tell Trip at the first opportunity, it should be dinner – no it won’t be dinner, he’d said he was spending dinner with Elizabeth tonight. Which would make it breakfast the next day, assuming Trip is there, she contemplates sending him a message on a PADD but theres a chance Elizabeth could read it and have her thoughts confirmed. 

Deciding it’s best to wait until she’s in person T’Pol pulls the lab coat on and takes over cataloging the samples from Lieutenant Mikhail. Distraction can only work so well though and most of the day is spent with the lingering worry that the façade has already fallen, and that in such a short time Elizabeth may have discovered her true identity. 


	14. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here we go, Chapter 14. So this is the build up to 15 where the big event finally happens, and you'll all see what that is as you read this chapter. 
> 
> In other news TFTV comes back today so if you've been reading that hop on over there and it will be updated again
> 
> That's about all for today so I'll see y'all next week
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 14 

_ I’ll come back _ _   
_ _ When you call me _ _   
_ __ No need to say goodbye

 

  * __“The Call” by Regina Spektor__



* * *

 

 

The next morning Trip has to leave Elizabeth with Lieutenant Hess again before a staff meeting, he’s supposed to be running tests with Travis on the shuttle pod for most of the day so he’s sure to leave very clear instructions. 

“Alright, so Miss Lizzie here has a lot of school work to do.” Trip starts. “You don’t usually have to watch her too much but check to make sure she does her reading, she hates it so she’ll try to get out of it.” 

“No I don’t daddy.” Elizabeth pouts. 

“Yes you do.” Trip says, “And don’t fall for any of that, check because she won’t mention that she hasn’t done it.” 

“Yes sir.” Lieutenant Hess chuckles. 

“And she usually finishes school after lunch – usually around 2 so I left a list of movies she likes to watch, just put one on for her and she should be good. She knows to ask if she wants to go get a snack and she is allowed to go get a snack once or twice if she wants.” Trip explains. 

“Alright, and you’ll be back by the end of shift?” Lieutenant Hess asks, somewhat nervously. She’d never watched Elizabeth after shift ended and seemed to be concerned that she might have to. 

“You don’t have to worry about it.” Trip says. “If I’m not back by end of shift Hoshi is going to come get her for dinner and she’ll stay with her until I’m back. I should be back by the time shift ends though.” 

“Alright, I think I can handle her sir.” Lieutenant Hess says, smiling down at Lizzie. “What do you think Lizzie-bug?” 

“Yeah we’ll be okay. But will you be back by bedtime?”  Elizabeth asks. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back by bedtime.” Trip bends down and kisses her hair. “I love you baby girl, be good for Lieutenant Hess okay?” 

“Okay.” Elizabeth smiles. “Bye daddy!” 

“By baby girl.” 

The staff meeting goes pretty well, Trip briefs the Captain on what he wants to do with the shuttle pods today – testing a few systems to check if maintenance needs to be done. After the staff meeting he and Travis start towards the shuttle bay but he feels a hand on his arm, he turns, it’s T’Pol. 

“Trip we need to talk.” She says quietly, he can sense some uneasiness in her manner. 

“Can it wait?” Trip asks with a  small frown, though if it could wait T’Pol wouldn’t be coming to him now would she?

“Not really.” She says, moving over to the side. “I tried to speak to you at breakfast but you were with Elizabeth.” 

“Well she’s my daughter.” He rolls his eyes. “I can’t eat breakfast with you and the captain every day.” 

“It’s about Elizabeth.” T’Pol says. 

“You coming sir?” Travis says, looking back having realized that Trip wasn’t following him. 

“Yeah, I am.” He nods. “Look T’Pol, we’ll talk about this when I get back, but right now I need to go.” He sighs, he doesn’t have time for her endless ‘concerns’ about Elizabeth. If she’d been that concerned about her she’d have stuck around. He jogs to catch up with Travis and the two make their way to the shuttle pods. 

They need to get at least 500 kilometers from Enterprise before they can start the tests so they have a few minutes to talk. 

“What did T’Pol need?” Travis asks. 

“Oh somethin’ to do with Elizabeth.” Trip sighs, shaking his head slightly. 

“She seems awfully concerned for someone who left her child.” Travis comments. 

“Yeah I know she does.” Trip sighs. “Lizzie’s been gettin’ curious.” 

“Curious?” Travis frowns. “About what?” 

“T’Pol, her Momma.” Trip sighs. “She wrote T’Pol a note a couple of days ago askin’ if T’Pol knew her Momma.” 

“What did Commander T’Pol do?” Travis asks. 

“Nothin’.” Trip shrugs. “She told me about it and I talked to Lizzie, told her not to bug T’Pol and then we arranged for Lizzie to be at dinner one night. She asked about Vulcan but didn’t bring up her Momma again.” 

“Doesn’t she ask about Vulcan a lot?” Travis asks, Trip has to remind him that the helmsman spends significantly less time with Lizzie then Hoshi does. 

“No she doesn’t. Hasn’t talked to many, most won’t even acknowledge her existence and Soval never has more then a few minutes to stop and say hello.” Trip shrugs. “Honestly I never thought of having to explain Vulcan and it’s people to her – though lookin’ back on it I should have.” 

“Permission to speak freely sir?” Travis asks. 

“Go ahead.” Trip frowns. 

“I think it was a bad idea of you to not talk to her about Vulcan.” Travis says. “When you grow up so far away from your own planet hearing stories about it are the only way you know it. I wouldn’t have known what grass was if it hadn’t been for my Mom telling me about it. I can’t imagine being from two planets but only knowing about one.” 

“I know, I know.” Trip sighs. “I really should’ve tried to integrate Vulcan more into our lives but I didn’t, I guess I thought I could raise her human and the Vulcan side would just go away. Add to that the fact that she’s been lookin’ up T’Pol lately too and I’m even more worried about her.” 

“Looking up T’Pol?” Travis asks. 

“Yeah I found her searching for articles on her the other night. I don’t want to tell her not to but at the same time I don’t want her to be able to find everything on T’Pol.” Trip sighs. “I found her reading an article about her service to the High Command, she got about halfway through it before I made her go to bed and realized what she was doing. Had she read the end of that article it would’ve linked her to a page about her service on Enterprise, and from that page she definitely could’ve found out that T’Pol was the Vulcan on Enterprise when Lizzie came around.” 

“Why don’t you just tell Elizabeth who T’Pol is?” Travis asks.  “Sure seems like she wants to know about her, and I think she deserves to know her own mother.” 

“I’m not gonna do that Lieutenant.” Trip sighs. “Because if I do it could just add to the trauma, her mother just walkin’ back into her life like it’s nothing will shake her up and as sickly as she is I don’t want to risk it.” 

“I guess.” Travis mutters, but Trip knows he still disagrees. Travis can disagree all he wants, but Elizabeth isn’t his daughter and he’d feel differently if she was. 

“Alright this is far enough, let's get started on those tests.” 

* * *

 

T’Pol’s shift is long and she spends most of it on the bridge in communication with the shuttle. The most interesting thing about her day thus far is that she had been able to track an ion storm that appeared to be moving towards the shuttle, she’d even gone so far as to have the away team move off course to avoid the storm. The storm then ended up changing direction entirely and T’Pol’s excitement for the day was over. 

That wasn’t to say she didn’t have plenty to think over. Trip hadn’t been at dinner the night before or breakfast this morning, which wasn’t unusual considering Elizabeth has been ill with a cold. According to Captain Archer he never comes to meals in the Captian’s mess if Elizabeth is sick, and while it makes him a good father T’Pol is a bit annoyed that he wouldn’t even give her a minute before going off with Travis. 

She feels almost certain that Elizabeth will be able to confirm her suspicions today while Trip is gone. Lieutenant Hess was a wonderful engineer but she had never cared much for kids and had always been nervous around Elizabeth when she was a baby, from the looks of it this hasn’t changed now. All through lunch T’Pol watched Lieutenant Hess awkwardly try to get Elizabeth to finish her soup and to put the PADD down. Even T’Pol could’ve done better than that. 

T’Pol also remembers Lieutenant Hess as having been one to get so absorbed in her work she forgot other responsibilities – a trait that while Trip shared, he’d always been able to handle Elizabeth when she was in engineering as a baby. T’Pol was certain that if Elizabeth was going to make the connection soon it would be while Lieutenant Hess is watching her, and Elizabeth seems to know that Lieutenant Hess doesn’t feel comfortable babysitting. All through lunch Elizabeth would listen for a few minutes after being told to put the PADD down but she would then wander back to it and continue reading something and looking at T’Pol. 

By the time T’Pol’s shift ends she’s ready for a  hot shower and a cup of tea before her meditation and bed, but first she heads to the mess hall to get something to eat. Captain Archer has decided to remain on the bridge until the away team returns and had ordered her off of it when she tried to stay at shifts end – apparently she worked too hard. As she walked into the mess hall she noticed it was empty, as it was just shift change most people should be here eating dinner. She spots Lieutenant Hess coming out of the Captain’s mess and looking frantic. 

“Lieutenant, would you care to tell me where everyone has gone?” T’Pol frowns. 

“I-It’s Elizabeth, she’s missing!” Lieutenant Hess whimpers. 

“Missing? Where could she have gone?” T’Pol snaps. “How could you have lost her, she’s a child not a pencil.” The hint of anger rising up in her voice surprises even her, it’s not much but it’s definitely there.

“I-I don’t know.” Lieutenant Hess panics. “A-about half an hour ago I-I went to tell her to pack her stuff up so we could leave at the end of shift and she wasn’t at Trip’s desk. S-so I waited a few minutes and then checked the bathrooms thinking she was there and she wasn’t so I alerted the crew, most of the engineering team is looking for her. I-I imagine by now others have joined in.”

“You lost my daughter.” T’Pol growls, Lieutenant Hess had been stationed here since the launch of Enterprise and was one of the few people left on Enterprise who knew T’Pol was Elizabeth’s mother.

“I-I’m so sorry Commander, she has to be around here somewhere and she’ll come back at some point. I-I just don’t want her to get hurt.” Lieutenant Hess whimpers. 

“You should never have been left with her, you’re obviously incompetent when it comes to looking after a child.” T’Pol says. “Have you looked in her quarters?” 

“N-No, not yet, people are checking their own quarters to see if she snuck in but I don’t have the codes to Commander Tucker’s.” Lieutenant Hess whimpers. 

“I do.” T’Pol says. “I’ll check them you get back to looking for her and when you find her it's in your best interest that she’s not hurt.” It’s vaguely threatening and significantly more emotional then T’Pol normally is, but this is not a normal situation. This is her child and she has an overwhelming biological drive to find her. 

As she makes her way to Commander Tucker’s quarters she tries poking at the bond, between her and Elizabeth. All she gets is a wave of anger, no thought on a location, nothing but overwhelming blind rage. She quickly stops trying that, it won’t work, Elizabeth’s emotions are too strong for T’Pol to be able to see where she is. 

She enters the access codes and steps into the room, it smells familiar, just like Trip, warm and inviting, but there’s an added underlying scent. The other scent is also familiar and comforting, Elizabeth. She looks through the slightly untidy room, Elizabeth isn’t in the main room where Trip sleeps. T’Pol knocks on the bathroom door and then opens it, Elizabeth isn’t there, she hasn’t fallen in the shower either. T’Pol even opens up the cabinet beneath the sink, there’s a good deal of lavender bubble bath and soap but no Elizabeth. 

She crosses to the other side of the small quarters and opens a storage closet, only it’s not a storage closet anymore. The back wall has been taken out and the room has been widened to be about 5x5 feet, just big enough to be a bedroom. It must be Elizabeth’s room, the bed is made neatly and unlike the other room this one is surprisingly tidy, no clothes on the floor or cups of water lying around. Elizabeth isn’t in here either, and T’Pol even checks all the dresser drawers and under the bed. 

Resigning herself to Elizabeth not being in Trip’s quarters she starts to make her way towards her own quarters, her suspicion is growing that Elizabeth is  there. As she’s rushing down the hall she sees a nervous Lieutenant Hess approach her. 

“Has she been found?” T’Pol asks. 

“N-No. Was she in Commander Tucker’s quarters?” Lieutenant Hess asks. 

“No she was not, I’m going to check mine.” T’Pol says. 

“Hurry, the away team is back and I don’t want Commander Tucker to come back and find this mess and that his daughter is missing.” Lieutenant Hess says. 

T’Pol doesn’t comment on just how selfish that makes Lieutenant Hess sound but rather continues on her way to her quarters. 

She enters her quarters and finds a familiar scent lingering in the air, lavender bubble bath and Starfleet issue soap – Elizabeth. 


	15. Grey is Not a Compromise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update, I updated on FFN on Friday before I went away but I forgot to update here and didn't realize until I was already up in the mountains and without wifi. 
> 
> Anyhow, this chapter has the big reveal, Elizabeth's reaction to seeing as her mother T'Pol for the first time in her memorable life. This and the next half of the story mainly deal with the issue of now Elizabeth knows who her mother is so if things aren't answered or addressed in this chapter never fear they will be in the upcoming chapters. 
> 
> In addition to this we are now officially half way through this fic! Yay! 
> 
> Alright on with the story, I hope to hear your thoughts in the comments as it is always a joy to have a discussion down there. 
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 15

"' _Cause grey is not a compromise_

_It is a bridge between two sides_

_The shores on which our stubborn lands_

_And reckless seas collide_

_Grey is not just middle ground it is a truce that waits to be signed_

_I would even argue that from where we stand_

_It most represents God's eyes_

_"101010" by Sleeping At Last_

* * *

Trip feels the launch bay doors slide shut beneath the shuttle pod and Travis sets it gently down on the now sealed floor. Their away mission had been successful, he knew what he knew what he needed to work on with the shuttle pod, it was mostly general maintenance, the most urgent being that the steering mechanism was starting to stick. It could be a major problem down the road, though not that far down the road, Trip reminds himself, Enterprise only has 11 months of service left. It's a shame too, he's heard the shuttles on the new class of ships are intended as back up to the transporter, more likely to sit and collect dust then be used to explore strange new worlds.

"I'm going to go make the maintenance schedule, thanks for your help Lieutenant." He says. He really has to put his back into opening the door, it's been sticking lately, but once he gets it open he steps out and holds out his hand for the tool case Lieutenant Mayweather is holding.

"Sir," Lieutenant Mayweather asks. "Where is everybody?"

"What do you mean?" Trip frowns, taking the tool case and turning around. Travis is right, the launch bay is unusually empty, normally by now and engineering team has come down to secure the shuttle into place for maintenance the next day. Even the office where someone must've been sitting to close the launch bay doors is now empty. "I don't know, someone had to be in that office a few minutes ago."

"I know they did sir, but whoever they were they're not here now." Travis frowns. "Where did they go?"

"Somethin' must be goin' on." Trip mutters, setting the tool box down. "Come on, we better go find out.

The sight that greets them when they exit the launch bay is not one Trip has ever wanted to see. It would appear all 83 crew members are opening every door, hatch and panel on the ship and they all seem to be looking for his daughter.

"Travis," Trip says, turning to the other man. "I'm gonna go ask Lieutenant Hess what's goin' on. Will you go tell the Captain there's going to be a delay on my report?"

"Aye sir." Travis nods.

Trip rushes over to the turbo lift but before he can step on Lieutenant Hess steps off and walks into him.

"S-sir." She yelps.

"What's going on Lieutenant. Are they lookin' for my daughter?" He snaps.

"I-I'm so sorry Sir. I-I went to tell her to get ready to leave because it was almost the end of shift an-and she wasn't there and she wasn't in the bathroom. We've been looking for half an hour and we still can't find her." Lieutenant Hess looks like she's going to start crying but this doesn't earn her any sympathy with Trip.

"You were supposed to watch her!" He raises his voice slightly.

"I-I'm sorry sir I just got caught up in my work, and I-I didn't realize she slipped out." Lieutenant Hess whimpers.

"When did you last see her?" He growls.

"A-about 3, maybe 3:30? She asked if she could get a snack. I-I saw her come back and she sat back down to watch a movie. I-I just assumed she'd be content with that for the rest of the afternoon, and then the next thing I know it's nearly the end of shift and she's gone."

"Did you check my quarters?" Trip asks.

"C-commander T'Pol did, she didn't find her. She's going to check her quarters and the Laboratory next." Lieutenant Hess says.

"Alright, I'm going to check the cargo bays and the sweet spot, sometime she falls asleep in both." Trip tries not to shout as he doesn't like how scared and guilty Lieutenant Hess looks. He really should've known better then to ask her to watch Elizabeth all day. The last time it ended in Elizabeth looking up information on T'pol and it was only a matter of time before Elizabeth had figured out she could easily slip out of Anna's watch.

He turns and sprints towards the cargo bay – it's closest, sometimes Elizabeth likes to go and play dolls in there while he takes inventory for Engineering, and she might have fallen asleep - though she knows she's not supposed to be here alone.

"Elizabeth?" He calls when he enters, he looks over to the corner where she usually plays, she has a makeshift doll house set up with some of the containers but it doesn't appear to have been played with. Her beloved doll, Samantha, isn't there which means Elizabeth must not be either, she'd never come to play in the cargo bay and leave the doll behind.

Still he starts to check around the crates of engineering equitement and the cases of ammunition for the armory. It makes him sick to his stomach to think of what could happen if Elizabeth was here unsupervised. An explosion would've been detected but a crate could've easily fallen and crushed her with no one being any the wiser.

"Commander T'Pol to Commander Tucker." T'Pol's voice comes over his comm as he's looking behind a case of plasma rifles.

"Yeah?" Trip asks, pulling his comm out of his pocket. "Have you found her? Is she in the Laboratory?"

"Yes I've found her." T'Pol says quietly. "She's in my quarters."

Trip feels his heart sink and settle in his stomach. "I-I'll be there in a second."

"Good, you might wish to be here for this conversation." T'Pol says quietly.

Trip rushes out of the cargo bay, telling everyone he sees that Elizabeth is fine, she's been found and to stop searching. Even doing this he gets from the launch bay to the T'Pol's quarters on the other side of E deck in record time. He enters the override code and the door slides open.

The scene in front of him is one he hadn't expected to see, Elizabeth is sitting on the bed, her hair messy like she'd just woken from a nap and she's glairing at T'Pol like she wants nothing more then to slap her. T'Pol stands a few feet away near the dresser, watching Elizabeth calmly – though Trip can sense the emotions swirling beneath her hardened exterior. To him it's very clear what's happened, Elizabeth has found out T'Pol is her mother and she's not very happy about it.

* * *

T'Pol finds Elizabeth asleep on her bed, Elizabeth sleeps like her father, on her stomach with an arm tucked around something – in this case it appears to be a PADD – and her mouth slightly open. She must've been here longer than a half an hour as she's very much asleep, snoring lightly. Elizabeth looks very young in her sleep, closer to five or six then eight.

Curious as to the content of the PADD T'Pol gently unwraps Elizabeth's arm and replaces the PADD she's holding with one from T'Pol's desk. Elizabeth shifts a little bit but doesn't wake, she was always a heavy sleeper like Trip. This proves as useful now as it did when Elizabeth was a baby.

The PADD is open with an Starfleet article on Elizabeth from when she was only 8 months old, there's a picture at the top of Trip and T'Pol and in T'Pol's lap sits baby Elizabeth. T'Pol remembers this being written, she hadn't wanted it to be but Starfleet said it was best for the world to find out the truth now that they had some reason to believe she would live. She'd been near that day, Elizabeth had hit a growth spurt and was nursing every two hour for as long as 45 minutes, leaving T'Pol sore and sleep deprived.

The article must've been the final piece of the puzzle for Elizabeth, the PADD's search history were all articles about T'pol but this appeared to be the only one that directly linked her to Elizabeth.

Shifting on the bed makes T'Pol look up, Elizabeth is yawning and rubbing her eyes, she blinks around in confusion for a moment. She lifts up the PADD In her hand and frowns, and then looks up and notices T'Pol, her face hardens and she holds out her hand.

"Give it back." Elizabeth says, T'Pol holds the PADD out and Elizabeth snatches it quickly.

"Are you al-"

"Is it true?" Elizabeth asks.

"Is what true?" T'Pol says quietly.

"Are you really my mother?" Elizabeth growls, glaring at T'Pol from her place on the bed.

"…Your father is back, everyone is looking for you." T'Pol says.

"I don't care. Are you my mother or not?" Elizabeth says.

"I'm going to call for your father, he needs to be the one to help explain this." T'Pol says, pulling her communicator out of her breast pocket. "Commander T'Pol to Commander Tucker."

"Yeah?" Trip's panicked voice comes on over the Comm. "Have you found her? Is she in the Laboratory?"

"Yes I've found her." T'Pol says quietly, still watching Elizabeth. "She's in my quarters."

"I-I'll be there in a second." Trip's voice says shakily, he must realize why Elizabeth is there.

"Good, you might wish to be here for this conversation." T'Pol says, she closes the communicator and puts it on the dresser. "Would you like a glass of water Elizabeth?"

"No." Elizabeth growls.

They stare at each other for few moments before the door slides open and Trip rushes in, he looks at Lizzie and then at T'Pol. "Wh-what's going on?"

"Daddy is she my Momma?" Elizabeth asks.

"Wh- how?" Trip pants, clearly he's run most of the way here, he's flushed and panting.

"She read an article on a PADD." T'Pol says. "The one where starfleet officially announced that a hybrid child had indeed been found."

"Oh…" Trip mutters, pulling his communicator out. "Commander Tucker to Lieutenant Sato?"

"Yes sir?" Hoshi's voice says.

"Can you come to T'Pol's quarters and get Lizzie? T'Pol and I need to have a little talk." He mutters, shooting T'Pol a glare.

"Don't look at me like that, I wasn't the one who left her with Lieutenant Hess." T'Pol says.

"Um, yes sir I'll be right there." Hoshi says, Trip closes the communicator.

"Daddy!" Elizabeth shouts. "Is she my Momma!"

"Elizabeth T'Les." Trip says firmly, going over and kneeling in front of the bed. "We do not yell at Daddy or anyone else is that clear? Now you're going to go with Miss Hoshi while I talk to T'Pol okay?"

"I don't want to!" She crosses her arms and knits her brow together in an angry pout.

"Well you don't have a choice." Trip says, standing up as Hoshi walks in. Elizabeth starts to throw a tantrum, kicking and screaming at T'Pol and then at Trip and then Hoshi, though T'Pol doesn't approve of the somewhat rough way Elizabeth has to be drug from the room they don't exactly have the luxury of waiting for her to be done with her fit.

"I told –"

"Don't." Trip mutters. "Don't even start with that 'I told you so' bullshit."

"I did tell you we should've told her from the beginning and I tried to tell you that I thought she figured it out this morning. You were so concerned with running your flight tests that you didn't listen." She raises her eyebrows, allowing the tiniest bit of anger to slip into her voice.

"Did you tell her?" Trip snaps.

"No I did not tell her, she was left alone all day for several days in a row and she's smart enough to be able to conduct a basic search." T'Pol says. "I told you she should've been watched closer, if you didn't want this to happen and I knew it would happen anyway. I could feel her Trip. I've been able to feel her since yesterday."

"Feel her?"

"The bond between mother and child is very strong, it rarely fades completely, it's been quiet for years but yesterday I could start to feel her again. She'd become aware that her mother was nearby." T'Pol explains. "She's known who I was since yesterday, she was just waiting on an opportunity to corner me. Now she knows and we'll have to answer her questions."

"No we won't have to do anything." Trip raises his voice slightly. "You gave up your right to do anything 7 years ago. I will talk to her about this but you will stay as far away from her as you can until I decide you can see her."

"Trip that isn't going to work. I'm her mother." T'Pol growls.

"Mother's don't walk out on their daughters." The comment is like a slap in the face to T'Pol and she stares at him in stunned silence, unable to conceal her hurt. Trip doesn't care and turns around and storms from the room.


	16. Full of Broken Parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it has been one hell of a week on my end, particularly the last 72 hours (So that is why I haven't been as active in the comments this week) but decisions have been made and I've ended up changing my Camp NaNo fic to another Trip/T'Pol one as opposed to the next part of my Troshi series. So if any of you are reading that I'm sorry for the delay, I still plan to work on it but the next installment of that series is a big downer so I need something a little happier for the moment. 
> 
> This chapter is decently important in propelling the next two or three chapters forward, there's tough conversations and big decisions to be made on both Trip and T'Pol's end. They're really burning the candle from both ends and though they both want the best from Elizabeth they both want to go about that very differently. We also have T'Pol admitting to her Post-Partum Depression to someone for the first time this chapter so that's definitely a recurring theme in the next half of the fic. 
> 
> As usual I hope you enjoy and I hope I get to hear from you in the comments!
> 
> \- Galia

 

Chapter 16

_ “No I can’t stop if all I’ve got _ __  
_ Is an empty heart _ _  
_ __ Full of broken parts” 

 

  * __“Concrete” by As It Is__



* * *

 

 

The door slides closed behind him and Trip turns towards his quarters, he’s not looking forward to this conversation, he doesn’t even know how to begin it. He should probably lead by apologizing to her for not telling her the truth in the first place, but how could he explain to an 8 year old that he hadn’t wanted to upset her when she was already infuriated? He supposes that looking back on it T’Pol  _ had  _ been right, they should’ve told her right from the start who T’Pol was, but it’s too late for that now. 

He enters the code to his quarters and walks into find Elizabeth sitting on Hoshi’s lap and sobbing on to her shoulder. Hoshi looks up at Trip and bites her lip, mouthing  _ ‘you need to talk to her.’  _ As he sits down. 

“Princess?” Trip asks, reaching out and rubbing Elizabeth’s back gently. “You okay?” 

“I-I –“ The rest of Elizabeth’s words are lost in the sobs. 

“Baby girl I need you to calm down so I can understand you, can you do that for me?” Trip asks, getting her a glass of water and sitting back down next to Hoshi, who’s rocking her gently. 

They wait nearly five minutes for Elizabeth to calm down, drink her cup of water and move from Hoshi’s lap to Trip’s. 

“I’m going to go,” Hoshi says, standing up and kissing Elizabeth’s hair. “I’ll see you in the morning Lizzie-bug.” 

“B-Bye Miss Hoshi.” She sniffles, wrapping her arms around Trip’s neck and looking up at him. “I-It’s true isn’t it, T’Pol is my Momma?” 

Trip sighs and rubs her back gently. “Yeah baby girl, it’s true. T’Pol is your Momma, I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, I just didn’t know how.” 

“A-are you mad at me?” Elizabeth sniffles. 

“Mad at you? No I’m not mad.” Trip whispers, hugging her tightly. “I’m glad you’re okay, I was really worried about you when I got back and you were missing. How did you get into T’Pol’s quarters?” 

“I-I put her quarters on the maintenance crew’s route and snuck in while they were looking at the shower.” She mutters. “Why did T’Pol come back?” 

“What do you mean?” Trip asks, rubbing her back still. “She lives in her quarters and she thought maybe you were there. She was right wasn’t she?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Elizabeth sniffles. “I-I meant why did she come back to Enterprise? She left because she wanted to didn’t she?” 

“Well,” Trip sighs, knowing the hard questions are just beginning. “I don’t really know why she came back, and I don’t really understand why she left or how she could’ve left, but I do know it ain’t your fault.” 

“Yeah it is.” Elizabeth mumbles. “She left us because she didn’t love me right?” 

“No that’s not why she left us.” Trip says firmly. “I don’t know why she left, but I think she came back because of you.” 

“What do you mean?” Elizabeth sniffles. “Does it have to do with my brain?” 

“Your brain?” Trip frowns. 

“Y-Yeah, my brain. Wh-when I was in the mess hall yesterday reading about T’Pol being on Enterprise the first time she was there, an-and I kept looking at her and onetime she looked over at me and – and I think I felt her in my brain.” Elizabeth isn’t doing a very good job of explaining it but Trip thinks he knows what she means. She can only be talking about the bond, she must’ve felt it too, just like T’Pol did. “An-and today when she was looking for me, I heard her calling my name in my dream.” 

“Well, Vulcan Momma’s have very special connections to their children.” Trip tries to explain. “The reason you could feel her in your brain is because she was so worried about you that her connection to you – which stayed there all these years because you’re her daughter – was trying to help her find you.” 

“It was?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“Yeah it was.” Trip says. 

“And there was something else too,” Elizabeth sniffles. “You know my nightmare? The one I’ve been having since I was really little?” 

“Yeah.” Trip whispers. 

“I-I recognized T’Pol in the mess hall yesterday. She was the woman in my dream, the one I’m chasing.” Elizabeth whispers. 

“She was huh?” Trip says quietly, he’d never mentioned his own private speculations that it might be the case, but it doesn’t surprise him that it was T’Pol in her dreams. “Do you have any more questions?” 

“Not right now.” Elizabeth shakes her head. She’s still obviously upset but eems to be trying to process the information she’d learned in the last hour.

“Alright lets give you your bath then,” Trip says, picking her up and carrying her into the bathroom. “And then I’ll bring us both some dinner and you need an early bed.” 

“Okay, can I sleep with you tonight daddy?” Elizabeth asks, letting Trip set her on the bathroom floor. 

“Well I guess you can, but you have to try to sleep even though I have a few reports I need to finish okay?” 

“I will.” Elizabeth promises. 

True to her promise Elizabeth crawls right into the bed after she finishes her dinner and Trip is able to sit down and write up his reports. The reports aren’t anywhere nearly as good as they should’ve been, but it’s the best he’s able to do with his mind so preoccupied, not to mention exhausted. The day has been more emotionally draining then he realizes and he finds himself yawning by 9 o’clock, maybe he should call it an early night too. 

He gets up from the desk and goes into the bathroom to put his pajamas on when all of a sudden he finds himself in a white space – a familiar white space. 

“Goddamnit.” He curses. “Not this again.”

“Not what again?” T’Pol’s voice says, he turns around and though she’s only a few feet from him her voice sounds very far away. 

“Can’t you just let me get dressed in peace?” He sighs. 

“We need to talk Trip, and since I doubt you’ll be at breakfast I thought this was the best way to do it.” T’Pol says. 

“How did you even do this anyway? How is this possible, I thought that bond was broken years ago.” Trip sighs. 

“It wasn’t, it faded and grew weaker over time but it certainly never disappeared.” T’Pol explains. “The connection is weak, it’s why I sound so far away.” 

“Well what do you need? Make it quick,  I’d really like to get some sleep.” Trip sighs. 

“I want to speak to Elizabeth.” T’Pol says. 

“Well that’s gonna have to wait. She was havin’ a meltdown for Hoshi when I walked in and she’s been upset all evening.” Trip snaps. “She was thinkin’ it was her fault you left, I told her it wasn’t but-“ 

“But you’re beginning to wonder for yourself.” T’Pol’s voice sounds almost sad. “I don’t blame you, but she’s not the reason. If I could explain this to her it would become clear.” 

“Like hell you are.” Trip mutters. “You’re not coming near her for at least a couple days. She needs time to process the fact that you’re her mother.” 

“The sooner I can talk to her the better, I can explain and begin to help her through the healing process.” T’Pol insists. 

“Well that’s all fine and dandy but I don’t want you near her for the next couple of days. I’m keeping her with me tomorrow and then in a few more days you and I can begin to discuss when you can see her again.” Trip says. “And while you’re explaining yourself to her I’d like an explanation too.” 

“You’ll have one.” T’Pol insists. “But not at the same time as Elizabeth. You’ll need more information, she’s still a child.” 

“I thought you didn’t believe in lying to children.” Trip snaps.

“I don’t but I don’t believe giving them the entire truth is always good either, especially when it can be harmful to them – as this can.” T’Pol sighs. 

“Whatever.” Trip mutters. “I’ll call you in a couple of days and we’ll set up some time for you to come talk to Elizabeth but until then I want you to stay far away from her, okay?” 

“I’ll do my best.” T’Pol agrees. “But I expect she’ll come looking for those answers on her own.” 

“Not under my eye she won’t.” Trip insists. 

“Goodnight Trip.” T’Pol says coldly and the next time he blinks he’s in the bathroom again. 

He pulls his pajamas on and brushes his teeth angrily, he hates that mental communication thing, he hated it 8 years ago and he hates it again now. It might be useful to Vulcan couples but it seems to cause him nothing but trouble. He reenters the main room and presses the button above the bed to turn the lights off, finally after a long day settles himself into bed and givesinto the welcoming arms of sleep. 

* * *

 

T’Pol opens her eyes and stands up, she hadn’t even changed out of her uniform before meditating and trying to contact Trip – which had gone better then she’d thought considering she wasn’t even sure she’d be able to do it after so long. Meditation can’t fix her other problem though, she still has no idea what she thinks about Elizabeth knowing who she is. She’d longed to tell Elizabeth the truth but it seems that the truth has done the harm Trip had feared it would. 

She stands up and starts towards the Captain’s quarters, she needs to talk to him and he should be done with his dinner by now. Jonathan had promised to listen if she needed someone to talk to and she certain needs it now. 

She presses the bell and hears him call her in. “I’m sorry for the intrusion, it’s late.”

“Is something the matter?” Captain Archer asks, sitting up and putting his book on the nightstand. 

“Elizabeth went missing for a while today.” T’Pol says, sitting down on the couch across from the bed.

“I heard, Trip told me that she was found but she was upset.” Captain Archer nods. “Is she alright?” 

“She’s fine, thankfully, but she was in my quarters, she knows who I am.” T’Pol says quietly. 

“Did you tell her?” Captain Archer frowns.

“Of course not.” She insists. “I promised Trip I wouldn’t tell her and I didn’t. She found out on her own, like I thought she had at lunch.” 

“Ah.” 

“I was right, she had found out and she was furious at me – rightfully so, if I was eight years old and in her situation I would’ve been furious too.” T’Pol explains. 

“You? Furious? I can’t imagine.” Jonathan chuckles. 

“If I was eight years old I would be, Vulcan children are emotional, some more than others.” T’Pol mutters. “Emotional repression is taught, it’s not an instinct.” 

“I know T’Pol.” Jonathan chuckles. “So what are you and Trip going to do?” 

“I’m going to explain to Elizabeth what happened.” She looks over at Porthos, asleep on his dog bed. “I just don’t know how to make an eight year old understand what happened.” 

“Maybe you should start by explaining it to Trip?” Jonathan suggests. 

“I suppose I could but I’m not particularly comfortable discussing the topic regardless.” T’Pol says. “It might be somewhat easier with Trip, he’s well aware of the fact that Vulcans have emotions, but with Elizabeth the innocence of a child might cause her to question less.” 

“If you don’t mind the intrusion,” Jonathan says slowly. “What exactly did happen?” 

T’Pol finds herself chewing her lip, the most obvious sign of distress she’s ever displayed in front of the Captain before. “I spoke to a human psychologist about it, he called it Post-Partum Depression. It’s not unheard of in Vulcans but it’s very rare and highly stigmatized.” 

“Water is wet.” Jonathan mutters. 

“I’m sorry?” T’Pol raises an eyebrow. 

“It’s an expression, means to state the obvious.” Jonathan says.

“Oh.” 

“If you don’t mind the intrusion, I do have a question of my own.” He says. 

“Yes?” T’Pol nods. 

“You were never pregnant were you? How could it have been Post-Partum if you didn’t have a Post-Partum.” He frowns. 

“It is seen in adoptive human mothers as well.” T’Pol explains. 

“But not in adoptive Vulcan ones?” Trip asks. 

“I don’t know, Vulcans rarely adopt, it’s considered strange to raise children that are of no relation to you.” T’Pol explains. “But when a Vulcan woman gives birth most of the time a mental bond is formed between mother and child, if that bond fails to form or doesn’t develop properly it’s very difficult for a Vulcan mother to attach to the baby, it can be corrected with medical and spiritual help but it’s not an easy thing to fix.” 

Jonathan is quiet for a moment, turning this over in his head before he answers slowly. “Then it sounds to me like you and Elizabeth were set up for failure.” 

“I’m sorry?” T’Pol asks. 

“You never got the chance to give birth to her, if she was never a newborn with you it sounds as though the bond never had the chance to form properly at all and you didn’t have the proper Vulcan help to correct it.” He explains. 

“Perhaps that was it, but it’s no excuse.” T’Pol says. 

“I’m not saying it is.” Jonathan says. “I’m saying I’m not surprised it happened to you.” 

“I suppose it’s no surprise no…” T’Pol sighs. “I cannot change the past but I do wonder what it would’ve been like had I been able to form those bonds with Elizabeth. From what I hear it’s very special.” 

“Does the bond exist at all?” Jonathan asks. 

“It does,” She nods. “It’s very weak, it probably would’ve only taken another year or two to sever completely and then she’d have never found out who I was. “ 

“But it’s there.” Jonathan says. “And if it’s there I’m sure it can be fixed.” 

“I do wish that were the truth.” T’Pol sighs. “But I don’t know, I doubt if any Vulcan does. Most of these bonds are fixed in infancy. Besides I doubt Trip would let me have the time to fix it, and I doubt if she’ll ever want me as a mother.” 

“Trip will come around,” Jonathan insists. “He’ll come around because he raised the most loving forgiving little girl ever, and knowing Elizabeth she’ll warm up to you pretty quick if you’re honest with her.” 

“You’ve always been optimistic.” T’Pol points out. 

“Hoping never hurt anybody.” Jonathan smiles. 

“That is not true during –“ 

“T’Pol.” He chuckles. 

“Yes sir?” 

“Go get some sleep, trust me, Trip will get over his anger.” Jonathan says. 

Still not convinced that Jonathan is right T’Pol stands up. “Very well, thank you for listening, I’m sorry I bothered you so late.” 

“It’s no trouble, never is.” Jonathan smiles. “If you ever need anything I’m always here, no matter what time of the day or night it is.” 

“Goodnight Jonathan.” 

“Goodnight T’Pol.”


	17. Pretending So Comfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week flew by, and with it the last few days of my break before starting school. On Monday my classes start up again, they shouldn't effect my ability to post too much as the only day I don't have class during the week is Friday, how ever as I don't know what the work load will be I can't make any promises about uploading on time. In addition to this Camp NaNoWriMo starts on the first and I don't know what made me think it was a good idea but I'm going a head with it. I have a solid fic idea and am going to do my best to get it finished in April and then that will start posting after this fic is finished (sometime in July or August).
> 
> Now this chapter isn't completely filler, T'Pol and Jon have an important conversation down in her part and when reading that do remember that she's looking at her and Trip's relationship from the point of view of someone who was very depressed for most of it. So keep that in mind.
> 
> As always I adore hearing y'alls thoughts on it every week and I will do my best to answer questions and comments.

Chapter 17

“ _ The silence tells us all we need to know _ _   
_ _ Pretending so comfortable _ _   
_ __ But I had to go.”

 

  * __Silence (Pretending So Comfortable) by As It Is__



 

* * *

 

The next morning Trip and Elizabeth eat in their quarters again, this time joined by Hoshi, who had been worried about Elizabeth last night. Elizabeth seems to be alright this morning, she’s quieter than her usual self. Trip isn’t sure if it’s a result of her cold or the amount of information she’d gotten yesterday and is still trying to process. He felt her forehead again and she didn’t have a fever so he decided against having to fight her to go to sickbay for the cough. 

“Wipe your nose please Elizabeth.” Trip says, handing her a tissue as she sniffles over her breakfast. 

“Thanks Daddy.” Elizabeth says, her nose is stuffed and she’s got a scratchy voice again. She blows her nose and tosses the tissue in the bin. “My throat hurts.” 

“After you eat we can give you some of that cough medicine Dr. Cutler gave us.” Trip says, taking a bite of his pancakes. 

“That doesn’t help my throat though.” Elizabeth frowns. “And it doesn’t help my cough – it helps my nose.”

“We can go get you some hot water with honey and lemon before my shift and I have vapo rub in the bathroom.” Trip says. “But you need to eat first baby.” 

“Okay…” Elizabeth mutters, taking a small bite of her hardly touched pancakes. 

“What’s wrong Lizzie?” Hoshi frowns. “Not hungry?” 

“Not really…” Elizabeth mutters. “I’m still sleepy.” 

Hoshi and Trip exchange a look, if Elizabeth wasn’t wanting to eat that could point to bigger issues, but it was a cold not a stomach virus. “Why don’t you want to eat? Are you just not hungry or does your tummy hurt?” Trip asks. 

“I’m just not hungry.” She mutters. “Can I sit on your lap Miss Hoshi?” 

“Sure.” Hoshi says, letting Elizabeth climb on her lap. “Can you take a few more bites of breakfast for me?” 

“I guess.” Elizabeth lets Hoshi give her another bite of the banana pancakes. 

Hoshi is able to coax nearly half a pancake down Elizabeth before she has to go get dressed so Trip can take her to engineering. While they’re waiting on Elizabeth ,Trip and Hoshi take the opportunity to talk about the night before. 

“So what happened?” Hoshi asks, sipping her coffee. 

“Elizabeth found out about T’Pol bein’ her Momma.” Trip sighs. “Said she read the article where Starfleet formally acknowledged her existence, there’s a picture of the three of us.” 

“I guessed as much.” Hoshi says. “She was sobbing horribly last night when I tried to get her back to your quarters. She hasn’t had a meltdown like that in a while.” 

“Yeah she was really upset, she thought it was her fault.” Trip says, lowering his voice. “I told her it wasn’t but the truth is I don’t know why T’Pol left us – whatever T’Pol’s reason was it certainly wasn’t Elizabeth’s fault but I wish I had answers for her.” 

“Of course you do, you’re her father.” Hoshi frowns. “Have you thought about letting her talk to T’Pol?” 

“T’Pol contacted me last night about it.” Trip admits. “She wants to talk to Elizabeth in person about it.” 

“Good,” Hoshi says. “Elizabeth needs to hear it from T’Pol, she’s the only one who really knows why she left.” 

“I know she does.” Trip sighs. 

“But?” Hoshi frowns. 

“But what?” Trip asks. 

“I know that tone.” Hoshi frowns. “That’s the ‘I don’t want to do it’ tone, why don’t you want her to talk to T’Pol.” 

“I didn’t say she couldn’t.” Trip snaps. “I just said to give her a while.” 

“Trip.” 

“Fine,” Trip mutters. “I don’t want T’Pol to upset Elizabeth further by making her feel like it’s her fault.” 

“Trip Tucker,” Hoshi says. “T’Pol made some really bad decisions – asshole decisions but even she would never try to pin her leaving on a little girl who wasn’t even a year old when she left. You know what I think?” 

“What do you think?” Trip mutters. 

“I think you’re afraid.” Hoshi says. 

“Afraid?” He snaps. “Afraid of what?” 

“Afraid of the truth.” Hoshi says. “You’re afraid that what every she’s going to say will make you stop hating her.” 

“I never said I hated her.” Trip mutters. 

“You have every right to.” Hoshi says. “But hating her justifies keeping Elizabeth away from her and if you don’t have that reason it would mean having to admit you were wrong about her hurting Elizabeth and wrong about keeping the truth from Elizabeth.” 

“She did hurt Elizabeth.” Trip snaps. 

“Sure she did, but I don’t think she’d do it intentionally again.” Hoshi says. “She did enough damage when she walked out, and if I were you I’d hate her for walking out too, but you can’t let that hurt Elizabeth more than it has. You’ve already hurt her enough by lying to her about T’Pol.” 

“I never meant for her to find out.” Trip snaps. “And I don’t recall asking for your help.” 

“You’re right you didn’t, but I don’t want to see Elizabeth get hurt anymore then you do.” Hoshi says. 

Trip opens his mouth to say something back but Elizabeth comes out of her bedroom. “I’m ready daddy!” She says. 

“Alright princess.” Trip sighs. “How about you take your pillow and watch movies in Engineering today huh?” 

“No school?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“Nope, no school today. You can just make yourself all cozy while I work okay?” Trip asks, kissing her head. 

“Well… okay can I get my honey and lemon water now?” Elizabeth asks, pulling her pillow off of Trip’s still unmade bed. 

“Yeah pumpkin, we’ll go get your honey and lemon water.” He kisses her hair and picks her up, Hoshi gets the door and the three of them go their separate directions. Trip and Elizabeth turn towards the mess hall for her hot water and Hoshi towards the bridge. 

* * *

 

T’Pol was up most of the night, tossing and turning, thinking about Elizabeth and what she’d say to her. Would Elizabeth accept what she had to say? What about Trip? Would he do as Jonathan had said and come around to the idea of Elizabeth and T’Pol having a relationship? T’Pol wouldn’t blame him for not coming around at this point. 

Trip isn’t at breakfast with the Captain, not that she’d expected him to be, he’d be avoiding her at any cost today. 

“Good morning Captain.” T’Pol says, pouring herself a cup of tea.

“Morning T’Pol.” Captain Archer smiles. “Did you sleep well?” 

“I didn’t sleep at all.” T’Pol admits. “I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and I’m still not sure Trip will come around.” 

“He will,  he wants what’s best for Elizabeth and at some point he’ll come to realize that having an explanation from you is in her best interest.” Captain Archer says. 

“What makes you think that?” T’Pol asks, taking a sip of her broth. 

“Well, aside from wanting the best for Elizabeth, it’s you.” Captain Archer says. 

“What about me?” T’Pol raises an eyebrow. 

“He’d never admit it, but he spent a lot of years wanting you to come back. Not just for Elizabeth but for him too.” Captain Archer explains. 

“Captain, with all due respect, it’s been 7 years since I left. I doubt he’s wanted me to return for some time.” T’Pol says gently.

“That’s not true.” Captain Archer says. “You know every year on the anniversary of you leaving he and I have a drink, and every year he tells me that sometimes he wants you to come back.” 

“He did not seem to want me back this year.” T’Pol mutters. “He was furious when I contacted him and even more furious when I returned.”

“Yeah he was, but he was furious because of Elizabeth.” Captain Archer says. “I think he was mad because he didn’t know what else to feel – he still doesn’t.” 

“He should feel angry.” T’pol says. 

“T’Pol,” Captain Archer says. “There’s a part of him who still loves you, a part of him that always will, even when he’s furious, because that’s the kind of guy Trip is. He’s got too much love to give and he’s forgiving, he was even able to forgive Degra.” 

“I am not Degra.” T’Pol says. “And Elizabeth is not his sister. It’s very different where children are concerned.” 

“T’Pol, right now he’s mad at you, that’s true, but, if you sit down and explain to him why you left he might not forgive you enough to let everything go back the way it was – I don’t think that’s ever going to happen, too much has happened since then –  I think he’ll forgive you enough to let you have a relationship with your daughter.” Captain Archer explains. 

“I don’t expect things to go back to the way they were, honestly I don’t think it would’ve worked between us even if I had stayed.” T’Pol admits. “But I do want to know my child.”

“Why wouldn’t it have worked if you had stayed?” Captain Archer frowns. “You two seemed to be going pretty strong there for a while, if you’d had proper help I think it would’ve worked.” 

“It wouldn’t have worked because the second we step off this ship and onto Vulcan or Earth we’d have been outsiders.” T’Pol says. “Neither of our societies would’ve accepted it, and the strain would’ve been too much to handle – especially with a child involved. My mother said something to me once, before I had decided to marry Koss. I was angry with her for lying to me about her retirement and she wanted me to marry Koss so she could be reinstated,  I asked her what would happen if I didn’t want to marry Koss. She told me -  ‘think of the shame your children would endure’ if I stayed with Trip.” 

“Your mother doesn’t strike me as the type to say that.” Captain Archer frowns. 

“You didn’t know her very well.” T’Pol says quietly. “And over time I’ve come to realize she was right, even if Elizabeth’s health had permitted us to live on Vulcan or Earth we never could have. If she went to Vulcan school she’d be treated as an outcast, picked on by the other children, held to impossible standards for a human child by her teachers, had whispers follow her wherever she went. If we lived on Earth it would be much the same, other children would pick on her, call her names, teachers would treat her differently and her own grandmother would’ve thought she was some sort of hybrid mistake. The strain that would put on Trip and I would’ve been more then our relationship could’ve handled at that time.” 

“Relationships change.” Captain Archer says. 

“They do, but I think in this particular case it would’ve been better for Elizabeth if we took our relationship out of the equation and focused solely on her.” T’Pol says. “And she’d have been so lonely. Perhaps on Earth she could’ve had friends but on Vulcan no parent would want their child associated with her.”

“A sibling would’ve been good for her.” Captain Archer points out. 

“Another child would never have come along and it would’ve put even more strain on Trip and I if it had.” She says. 

“Maybe it’s that ‘human optimism’ as you call it, but I like to think you and Trip would’ve made it work and have been the best parents to Elizabeth.” Captain Archer says with a smile.

“Perhaps it is,” T’Pol says. “But Trip and I aren’t what matters now, Elizabeth is what matters and I want your ‘human optimism’ to be right about that. I want Trip to come around to me being her mother again – even if it’s rocky at first.”


	18. A Ton of Bricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another week has flown by, on the bright side I don't think I'm going to be as busy this semester as I thought I was going to be. At least half of my Korean class is the teacher rambling on and on about health superstitions. Nutrition is proving to be more work then I thought but even then it isn't hard work it's just tedious. 
> 
> This chapter is a bit, tense, for lack of better word. Things are said and in saying those things we finally see Trip and T'Pol talking to each other in the next chapter which is what really needed to happen all along. I'd really enjoy hearing any thoughts y'all have on this chapter, I responded to most everyone who reviewed last week and I should be able to do the same this week so I hope y'all leave something for me to respond to! 
> 
> -Galia

Chapter 18 

“ _ A feather is a ton of bricks _ _   
_ _ Or maybe I’m to sensitive _ _   
_ _ I don’t know,  _ _   
_ _ All I can say is this,  _ _   
_ _ From now on _ _   
_ __ I’ll try to listen to intuition

_ There’s magic in our bones _ _   
_ _ A north star in our soul _ _   
_ _ That remembers our way home _ _   
_ __ There’s magic in our bones”

 

  * __“Body” by Sleeping At Last__



 

* * *

 

“Daddy!” Elizabeth whines. “Do I really have to stay with you in engineering again?” 

Trip sighs and turns to his daughter, she’s been staying in engineering during the day for three days now and she’s grown bored of it. “Elizabeth, I don’t want you out wandering around on your own.” 

“Can you at least ask Captain Archer if I can stay on the bridge with Miss Hoshi today? He lets me sometimes if I promise to be good.” Elizabeth pouts. 

“I’ll ask but I don’t think he’ll agree.” Trip mutters, he doesn’t have much intention of asking and if Captain Archer were to say yes Trip wouldn’t let Elizabeth go to the bridge anyway, he still doesn’t want Elizabeth near T’Pol. “Now will you put your shoes on so we can go to breakfast?” 

Elizabeth scowls and goes to get her shoes out of her bedroom and picking up her back pack grumpily. 

Trip settles Elizabeth in to breakfast with Hoshi and goes to the Captain’s mess, it’s the first day since Elizabeth made her little discovery that he and T’Pol will sit in the same room with each other and try to have a civil conversation. 

“Morning Trip.” Captain Archer smiles. 

“Mornin’ sir.” He mutters, ignoring T’Pol, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. 

“How’s Elizabeth this morning?” Captain Archer asks, passing Trip the pitcher of orange juice. 

“She’s not too happy. Doesn’t want to spend another day in engineering, but I’m not leavin’ her alone.” Trip shakes his head. “She wants me to ask you if she can sit on the bridge with Hoshi, but that ain’t happening.” 

“Why not?” Captain Archer frowns. “If she behaves herself it shouldn’t be a problem.” 

“Because I don’t think it’s a real good idea for her to be around T’Pol right now.” Trip says. 

“I’ll be in the labs most of the day.” T’Pol says coolly from across the table. “I’m training Crewman Gregorovich on maintaining the sample logs.”

“See, then it won’t be a problem.” Captain Archer says. “So why not? Elizabeth loves the bridge and she needs a break from engineering every now and again.” 

“You know when I was her age I’d have sold my sister to be able to spend all day everyday in a starship’s engineering bay?” Trip says. “But if you’re sure it ain’t any trouble and T’Pol ain’t gonna be around I suppose she can stay on the bridge. 

“Not every child wants to spend all day in engineering.” T’Pol mutters. 

“You know when I was a kid I’d have settled for being allowed in my father’s office.” Captain Archer chuckles. “It’s not a problem Trip, really it’s not.” 

“I just think she could learn a little something about engineering, but she’d much rather read the physics books.” Trip says. “She’ll be happy to hear that she can stay, thank you sir.” 

“She’ll see the value in engineering someday Trip,” Captain Archer chuckles. “Or maybe she’ll be a physicist like her mother.” 

“A physicist huh?” Trip chuckles. “Well that’s alright too I suppose, I guess she’s only 8, but when I was 8 I knew I wanted to be an engineer.” 

“I knew I wanted to be a starship captain when I was 8 too.” Captain Archer smiles. “I just don’t think anyone thought I’d actually do it. What about you T’Pol? Did you want to be a physicist when you were a little girl?” 

“Me?” T’Pol raises an eyebrow and considers the question for a moment. “There was a good deal going on when I was 8 but no, I did not want to be a physicist – my mother wanted me to be one. I wanted to be in the Vulcan Ministry of Defense like my father.” 

“You were eight in what, 2095?” Captan Archer asks. “You were in the Vulcan Ministry of Defense for a while too, what made you change to physics.” 

“2096.” T’Pol corrects. “And there were several things that made me switch to physics, I already had a physics degree when I left the Vulcan Ministry of Defense – my mother had made me go to school for physics before she’d let me do anything else – I simply decided to put it to good use and pursue astrophysics after several years. Perhaps Elizabeth will do the same but it is my experience that human children do not follow the whim of their parents, so she may decide to be something entirely different. Personally I think she’d be suited to being part of Starfleet’s investigative branch, she certainly knows how to find information she needs.” 

“SI huh?” Trip frowns. “I got a friend at SI, Lieutenant Brody – they’re a real secretive bunch over there. Smart though.” 

“Lizzie can do just about anything she wants to do.” Captain Archer chuckles. “I think she’s proved that enough times, but she’s more then welcome to spend today on the bridge.” 

“Alright, I’ll tell her. I’ll make sure she brings a book or something so she ain’t too bored.” Trip says, taking a bite of his eggs.

“She usually isn’t, likes to talk sometimes but she knows when to keep out of the way.” Captain Archer says. “Besides she can always play in my ready room with Porthos if she gets too bored.”

“Well she’ll love that, not sure Porthos will appreciate it though. I seem to recall the last time she played with Porthos he wound up with pink toenails.” Trip grins.

“That he did, and they smelled like sugar cookies too.” Captain Archer laughs. “Porthos wasn’t too fond of the scented nail polish but if she feeds him enough cheese he’ll let her do just about anything her heart desires.” 

The rest of the meal passes with a bit of comfortable conversation between him and Captain Archer, only made awkward by T’Pol’s occasional interjections and the reminder that this was not a typical day. He still had to decide when and if he was going to let T’Pol explain to Lizzie what went on 7 years ago. 

“T’Pol,” He says as they’re getting ready to leave to their respective places. 

“Yes?” She asks, raising her eyebrows at him, it’s the first time in three days he’s initiated any conversation with her. 

“Tonight after dinner we need to have a talk.” Trip starts. “We’ll sit down and talk about what we need to do for Elizabeth okay?” 

She’s quiet for a moment but nods tentatively. “What time does Elizabeth go to sleep? We should wait until then.” 

“7:30. I’ll have Hoshi come sit with her to make sure she doesn’t sneak out. Does around 8 work?” Trip asks. 

“I’m free at 8 o’clock, my quarters would be the best place to meet I think.” She says, her voice picking up slightly – trying to conceal her hope he realizes. 

“Alright, see ya then.” He nods, leaving the room and taking Elizabeth to the bridge with Hoshi. 

* * *

 

T’Pol’s day in the laboratory gets off to an uncomfortable start, over the past three days word has traveled fast around the ship and everyone knows T’Pol is Elizabeth’s mother. The whispers follow her everywhere – though are certainly worse in the mess hall – though for the most part her colleagues in the labs are polite if nothing else. 

Crewman Gregorovich seems  uncomfortable in her presence though she’s unable to tell if it’s because of the rumors following her or because there aren’t many Vulcans in Vladivostok. Despite his discomfort he learns quickly and after just over two hours of training T’Pol decides to allow him to work on his own for an hour so she can start filing her own reports. 

“I’ll be back in an hour to check your progress.” T’Pol says. “IF you have any trouble I’ll be in the other room.” 

“Yes Commander.” The young Russian says with a nod, turning back to the work at hand. 

T’Pol goes quietly into the small office just off of the labs. It’s where most of the reports are written and checked over, T’Pol pulls out the report she’d been writing yesterday about the asteroid field they’d come across and goes over to one of the computers. Before she can start recording the door opens, she turns around and sees Elizabeth standing there. 

“You are not supposed to be here.” T’Pol says firmly.

“I don’t care.” Elizabeth crosses her arms. 

“I’ll have to call your father.” T’Pol says. 

“Go ahead.” Elizabeth challenges, clearly not believing T’Pol is actually going to do it. 

“Commander T’Pol to Commander Tucker.” T’Pol says into her com. 

“Yeah?” Trip’s voice says. 

“I have Elizabeth in the lab, she must’ve gotten away from Lieutenant Sato.” T’Pol says. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Trip says, she hears the com click shut and looks over at Elizabeth, who’s glaring angrily at her. 

“What are you – “ 

“Why did you leave me?” Elizabeth asks, crossing the room and glaring at T’Pol. “Is it true that you don’t like kids? And that you didn’t want me?” 

The last two sentences catch her off guard because not only were they strangely perceptive for a child, the first one wasn’t entirely wrong. She hadn’t liked kids very much and had never wanted any of her own until Elizabeth came along. When Elizabeth came along though things changed, she loved her daughter more than she’d have thought she could love a child – but it wasn’t enough. T’Pol had still felt inadequate and wrong mothering Elizabeth. Elizabeth had deserved more, and though T’Pol aches to explain this to her she can’t. 

“Th-that has nothing to do with why I left.” T’Pol says quietly. “I can’t explain it to you right now but –“

“Why can’t you explain it?!” Elizabeth stomps her foot.

“Because your father and I have to talk about it first.” T’pol sighs, Elizabeth looks like she’s going to say something but starts coughing into her arm instead. “Are you alright?”

“I-“ She starts but coughing quickly starts again, it lasts for nearly two minutes and is alarming enough to T’Pol that she goes over to Elizabeth and watches her carefully. 

“Perhaps you should get some water.” She suggests. 

“I’m fine!” Elizabeth shouts hoarsely. “I was fine until you showed up!” 

Trip chooses this moment to make an appearance, T’Pol glances up at him trying to convey her concerns without making them too obvious. Trip kneels next to Elizabeth and turns her to face him. 

“Elizabeth T’Les Tucker!” He snaps. “What do you think you’re doing? You nearly gave Hoshi and Captain Archer heart attacks!” 

“I want to talk to T’Pol!” Elizabeth frowns. “I want to know why I wasn’t good enough!” 

Trip looks up at T’Pol and licks his lips nervously. “Well we’re not havin’ that conversation right now, right now you’re coming back to engineering with me, and sitting at my desk for the rest of the day.” 

“But Daddy…” Elizabeth whines. 

“No buts, lets go.” He takes her by the hand and starts towards the exit, “Thanks T’Pol, this won’t happen again. Elizabeth say you’re sorry.” 

Elizabeth looks T’Pol over. “I hate you.” 

Trip looks as taken aback by the child’s words as she is, and without another sound drags her from the room.  Maybe now he’ll realize she’s right, she needs to talk to Elizabeth more than ever before.


	19. Half a Week Before the Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here we are a day late, I'm very sorry about the delay I ended up having the opportunity to spend the day with my sister and we're both so busy these days that I decided to take it even though it meant I didn't get this chapter up as soon as I'd've liked. Here we are though and normal updates will resume on Friday. 
> 
> This chapter sees Elizabeth with another visit to the doctor and Trip and T'Pol having an important conversation about the other conversation that really does need to happen. So that comes in the next chapter so y'all have that to look forward to. I always look forward to hearing your thoughts on each chapter so be sure to leave a comment or review and I'll respond to as many as I can!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 19

_ Half a week before the winter _ _   
_ _ The chill bites before it comes _

 

  * __“Half a Week Before the Winter” by Vanessa Carlton__



* * *

 

 

After work Trip knows he has to give Elizabeth a very stern talking to, she can’t be talking to adults like that, so before taking her to dinner they go back to their quarters and he sits her down on the bed. 

“Elizabeth, I want to talk to you about what happened this morning.” Trip says. “You cannot ever talk to anyone like that, do you understand me?” 

“Daddy,” Elizabeth pouts. “She left me! I should be allowed to hate her!” 

Trip grimaces a bit. “Elizabeth T’Les, you cannot hate anyone. You should never hate anyone. Hate is dangerous. What makes you think that about your mother?”

“She left me, I wasn’t enough for her.” Elizabeth says. 

Trip sighs, that’s a tough point to argue with. “I know she left Elizabeth, she left us both and I don’t like what she did but that doesn’t mean I hate her. I don’t like it, and I don’t think she had any right to leave you but we don’t know why she did it.” 

“If we find out why can I hate her?” 

“No, and you’re never to talk to her or anyone else like that ever again. Now I’m going to go get us both some dinner and you’re going to stay right here. You’re grounded and will be staying in these quarters or engineering for a week. Do you understand?” 

“Daddy!” Elizabeth whines. 

“Do you understand?” He says firmly. 

“Fine.” 

“Elizabeth,” 

“Yes sir, I understand.” 

“Thank you, now I’ll be right back.” 

Elizabeth is quiet all through dinner, making a point not to say a word to him but her silence tells Trip all that he needs to know. She’s angry, really angry, but she’s thinking, turning it over in her mind and while she’s trying to get back at him a little bit he’d rather she be quiet and think about what he’d said then be talkative and push his words out of her head.

Her silence also lets him notice something else, she’s coughing a lot more then she has been over the past few days. The cough is a dry rattle instead of a wet one too, definitely a chest cold but he decides maybe he should take her back to Phlox. After dinner and bath he picks her up and they start towards sickbay, Elizabeth protesting all the way. 

“Daddy no!” She cries. “Daddy I’m fine I don’t want to go to sickbay!”

“Elizabeth,” Trip sighs, he’s slowly reaching the end of his rope with her today. “You have to go to sickbay, something could be really wrong.” 

“It’s not I promise!” 

“You don’t know that.” Trip sighs, pushing the button for the sickbay doors. He’s relieved to see Phlox is there tonight, as much as he likes Dr. Cutler he’s not sure she did enough for her cough.

“Commander Tucker.” Doctor Phlox smiles. “Elizabeth, what brings the two of you here this evening?” 

“She’s got a bit of a cough.” Trip says, setting the struggling Elizabeth down on the bio bed – trying to at least, she’s clinging to him like he’s trying to throw her in  a vat of boiling water. 

“Just a cough?” Phlox asks, sliding the stethoscope under Elizabeth’s shirt and along her back. “No other symptoms?” 

“Sore throat, her nose was stuffy a few days ago too but that seems to have gone away now.” Trip says, trying to hold Elizabeth still so Phlox can get a decent reading. 

“Liz mentioned you were here a few days ago. She gave her cough syrup, did that help?” Phlox asks, taking the thermometer and holding it in Lizzie’s mouth so she doesn’t try to spit it out. 

“I thought it was but her cough changed. It’s a dry cough now not a wet one.” He explains, holding out an arm so Phlox can put the blood pressure cuff on her. 

“Well she certainly sounds raspy.” Phlox says taking the thermometer out of her mouth. “Her chest has some fluid in it but she doesn’t have a fever so I’m hesitant to call it pneumonia, but we’ll do antibiotics just to be safe.” 

Trip sits on the biobed, still holding Elizabeth in his lap in case she tries to make a run for it. “IV or oral?” 

“We’ll start her with 5 days of oral antibiotics but if it doesn’t clear up in 36 hours bring her back for another exam.” Phlox says, going over to the medicine cabinet to look for the proper pills. 

“36 hours? You think it could get better that soon?” Trip frowns. 

“It’s possible, if it is bacterial anyway. If it’s viral she should at least sound better by then unless something more serious is going on. Better safe than sorry.” Phlox says, printing a label and sticking it on the bottle. “One after dinner and one after breakfast, make sure she takes them on a full stomach.” 

Trip reads the bottle, Elizabeth has taken this a couple of times before. “Thank you doc, do you have a cup of water? She can take one now.” 

“Certainly, would you like fish or butterflies Elizabeth?” Phlox smiles, Elizabeth looks up at him, pouting. 

“Fish.” She mumbles. Phlox brings her a cup of water and Trip hands her one of the pills, thankfully she doesn’t try to fight this and swallows the pill quickly with no complaints.  “Can I have a sticker now?” 

“You most certainly can, come on you can even choose one yourself hm?” Phlox smiles, holding out his hand. Elizabeth jumps off of Trip’s lap and follows the doctor over to where he keeps the sticker sheets. 

“See that wasn’t so bad was it pumpkin?” Trip asks, kissing her cheek. 

“No I guess not… but I don’t like getting poked.” She frowns. 

“You didn’t get poked today though did you?” He says. 

“No I didn’t, and I like Dr. Phlox I just don’t like him having to doctor me.” Elizabeth scowls. “I don’t want to go back.” 

“Well then take your medicine and you can get better and you won’t have to go back.” Trip says, hoping he’s right. 

“I guess so…” Elizabeth mumbles. 

Trip enters the access code and walks into Elizabeth’s bedroom. “Now I’m going to put you to bed and then I have to go talk to T’Pol so Miss Hoshi is going to sit with you for a bit, okay?” 

Elizabeth scowls. “Okay, but you’ll read me a story first right?” 

“Course I will, I’ll always read a story to my princess.” Trip kisses her hair and sets her on the bed. “You pick one out and I’m gonna go get my pajamas on, then we’ll read okay?” 

“Okay daddy!” Elizabeth grins going over to look through her book shelf. 

* * *

 

T’Pol is meditating when she’s interrupted by the chime of the bell, pulling herself from her thoughts she gets up and answers the door. Trip stands there, wearing his pajamas and looking uncomfortable -it’s not exactly an unfamiliar sight. 

“Come in.” T’Pol says quietly, stepping back to let him in and going to put the kettle on.  “Have a seat.” 

“Thanks.” Trip mutters. “Look I’m sorry about today.” 

“It’s fine.” She says quietly, sitting down on the floor across from him. “It’s to be expected, she’s a very… emotional child.” 

“And you don’t approve huh?” He says defensively. 

“That’s not what I said.” T’Pol sighs. 

“Sounded like it was.” Trip mutters. 

“Trip,” T’Pol says. “Do not do this.” 

“Do what?” 

“Turn everything into an attack. I was simply making an observation, her emotions seem to be even more pronounced then most human children her age.” T’Pol says. 

“Yeah I know they are, we’re working on it.” Trip mutters. “She’s grounded for a week and she won’t be bothering you again.” 

“That’s not what I’m concerned about, but I am concerned about her emotions. Vulcan children are very emotional, only unlike human children if we don’t learn to get it under control our lives are torn apart.” She says quietly. “I’d like to teach her some emotional repression.” 

“Look she doesn’t even know why you left her yet so emotional repression is a little far down the line.” Trip mutters, watching her stand and go pour them each a cup of tea. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” She mutters. “It may be a bit far out but I think she’d be a happier child if she had even a slight degree of repression, but  you’re her father, and I suppose you’re right.” 

Trip is quiet for a minute, watching her. “She’s upset, and angry. I’ve never seen her get that mad before and – I never thought she’d tell anyone she hated them.” 

T’Pol winces, Elizabeth’s words had been more upsetting to her then she’d let on. Hearing that her own child hated her hurt her deeply – even if that child had every right to hate her and had been saying the words in a fit of anger.

“She has every right to hate me.” T’Pol says quietly. 

“I don’t want to hear that she’s hating anyone.” Trip says. “Even you. Because hate is dangerous T’Pol, we’ve seen what it does.” 

He doesn’t have to elaborate, T’Pol has seen what it does – more then he has. Earth after the Xindi attack had been a hateful one, one that for a time had been difficult to live and work on if you weren’t Human. For nearly two years after the Terra Prime incident the Vulcan Embassy maintained minimal staff in San Francisco and the Andorians had all but left, it had taken hard work and years of pushing on Captain Archer’s behalf to get the Coalition into real formation. 

On a more personal level she and Trip knew their daughter was forged from hate. Hate had driven John Frederick Paxton to create a hybrid child that couldn’t survive in the outside world, he’d had every intention of letting her suffer and die to make his point. 

“It is dangerous, but she’s a bit young to understand that – even if she is smart.” T’Pol says quietly, long ago they’d decided not to tell Elizabeth the full truth of her origins. Only that she was a binary clone grown in a lab secretly, not that she’d been engineered to die and from what she’d gathered Trip had decided to stick to this explanation. 

“Are you free tomorrow evening?” Trip asks, running a hand through his hair. 

“I am yes, I was planning to take dinner by myself.” T’Pol says. 

“Would you mind takin’ it with Elizabeth?” Trip asks. “I think it’s better that she know the truth sooner rather than later, then maybe we can start figuring this out.” 

“You’ll allow me to be a part of her life?” T’Pol raises her eyebrows, barely concealing the surprise. 

“Don’t get too excited.” Trip says. “I ain’t talkin’ her stayin’ the night or anything. Not yet, we need to go slow, give her time to adjust to the changes one at a time. Too much at once could stress her out and that could make her sick.” 

“So what are you proposing?” T’Pol asks. 

“You explain to Elizabeth why you left, and why you came back. Then once she’s processed that you can have dinner with her a couple times a week – but only if she’s comfortable with it. The second she seems uncomfortable we take a step back and give her space.” Trip explains. 

“That seems agreeable.” T’pol nods. 

“Good.” HE says. “I’ll see you tomorrow, my quarters at 1800 hours okay?” 

“That is agreeable yes.” T’Pol nods, standing up and following Trip to the door. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t go thanking me yet, we still need to get Elizabeth through this.” He says. 

Once he’s gone T’Pol settles back into her spot on the floor, tea cup in hand and her mind swirling. How is she supposed to go about explaining her Postpartum Depression to her daughter when she wasn’t entirely sure how to explain it to Trip? What about once Elizabeth had this information? Would she really warm up and allow T’Pol into her life – T’Pol certainly knows she doesn’t deserve that outcome even though she’d felt it would be better for Elizabeth. Those feelings had changed somewhat, she was now starting to worry maybe she  _ was  _ doing more harm than good like Trip had told her. 

She sits on the floor for several more hours, drinking tea and turning the problem over in her head, thinking out possible solutions, but this wasn’t mathematics or science. There was no clear answer, a+b did not equal c but rather could equal any number of positive or negative outcomes. Outcomes that could damage her daughter and outcomes that could help her. 

By the time T’Pol finally pulls herself out of her thoughts the clock on her night stand is flashing the time 2308. Deciding it’s well past her bedtime T’Pol crawls in bed and begins to mentally recite passages from the KirShara in an attempt to calm her mind. Her attempts are futile though and when she does fall asleep she again has the nightmare where she’s running though the ship looking for the crying child, unable to help. 


	20. It's Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look we're on time this week! So I had my Korean mid term this week, honestly I think it went pretty well but I won't know for certain until Tuesday.
> 
> In other news my Grandmother arrives from Seattle on Wednesday, and we're leaving for Tongyeoung on Friday afternoon, because of this next week's update will probably happen on Thursday as opposed to Friday. So be on the look out for an early update. I am also going to be gone the last 2 weeks in June and first week of July, pretty much what this means is I will be leaving the week before finishing this fic. As of right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that but I may end up double posting one week. Though it doesn't effect this fic too much it does effect the next one I have planned, so that will move to being published at the end of July instead of right after this fic finishes in June.
> 
> Okay and for the actual chapter this one is done a little differently, I have T'Pol starting things off, which is not my usual way of doing things but it worked better for this particular chapter, the next chapter things go back to normal with Trip starting us off.
> 
> Now for the real chapter, thank you for taking the time to read this (at least I hope you did) and as usual let me know in a review or comment what you think of this chapter!
> 
> \- Galia

_Chapter 20_   
_“It began with a whisper in my ear_   
_‘I think it’s time’_   
_Suddenly all we held dear was on the line_   
_As you heart measured and mountains fell and climbed_   
_‘You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay, we’re okay’_   
_“Life” by Sleeping At Last_

* * *

  
The next evening T’Pol makes her way to Trip’s quarters for dinner, she still has very little idea of how to explain herself to her daughter.

  
“Good evening.” T’Pol says quietly as Trip steps back to let her in. The room is even more crowded then usual as a small card table has been squeezed into it.

  
“Evenin’ have a seat. Sorry it’s a little bit crowded I just thought we’d like somewhere else to sit besides the floor or the bed.” Trip says, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “Elizabeth, come on dinner time.”

  
T’Pol takes a seat at the table, there’s a dish of plomeek broth in front of her spot. Trip pulls out a chair for Elizabeth, who climbs up into it very quietly, watching T’Pol all the while. “Good evening Elizabeth.”

  
“Hi.” She grumbles. “Why are you here?”

  
“I’m here because you have questions.” T’Pol says quietly. “And I’m going to answer them.” 

“Which ones?” Elizabeth asks, taking a cup of water from Trip. 

“Any of them.” T’Pol says, sipping her broth. 

“Okay.” Elizabeth takes a bite of her food and thinks for a minute, T’Pol can sense her tiny mind at work, trying to decide which of her questions to ask first. “Are you really my Mother?” 

“Yes, I’m really your mother.” T’Pol nods. 

“But you didn’t have me the normal way? Like, give birth to me?” Elizabeth asks. 

“No, I did not, you were created in a lab.” T’Pol says. 

“Okay so that’s all true.” Elizabeth says thoughtfully, watching T’Pol. “Did you love Daddy?” 

“Did I love your father?” T’Pol glances over at Trip, she hadn’t really expected this question and from the look on Trip’s face neither had he. “I – yes, I did love your father when you came along.” 

“And did you love me?” Elizabeth asks. 

“Yes, I loved you too. I still love you.” T’Pol does her best to hide her discomfort, discussing emotions isn’t easy for any Vulcan and she’s no exception to that rule. 

“Then why did you leave me?” Elizabeth says, at last the real question that Elizabeth has been wanting to ask T’Pol, one that she’s probably been sitting on for her entire memorable life. 

T’Pol takes a deep breath. “I was sick.” 

“You were sick?” Elizabeth frowns. “How?” 

“Not physically sick,” T’Pol explains. “I wasn’t coughing or sneezing, but emotions can get sick too.” 

“But you’re a Vulcan.” Elizabeth says. “I thought you repressed your emotions?”

“Yes I am a Vulcan, but before you were born and before I loved your father something bad happened to me that makes it difficult to repress my emotions.” T’Pol explains, dancing around the non-consensual mind meld and her Trellium addiction. 

“You seem fine to me.” Elizabeth raises her eyebrows. 

“Well it’s been many years, and I still struggle to repress my emotions sometimes.” T’Pol admits. “But struggling to repress them made it easier for them to get sick, it made it easier for them to take over too.” 

“So what happened? They got sick and you left?” Elizabeth scowls. 

“Not exactly.” T’Pol says, taking a sip of her soup to give her a moment before she had to explain the really uncomfortable part to her daughter. “When my emotions got sick, I didn’t realize that they were sick because they made me think things that weren’t true. I tried to nurse you when you were a baby and it didn’t go very well, because I hadn’t given birth to you I had to take medicine to be able to nurse you. This medicine made it more likely that my emotions would get sick.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“Just listen.” T’Pol says firmly. “I wasn’t able to feed you on my own, you still got synthesized milk sometimes and you often got sick. I blamed myself for you being sick, I thought that it was because I couldn’t feed you properly.” 

“I don’t have an immune system, I’d have been sick anyway I thought.” Elizabeth frowns. 

“That’s true you don’t have an immune system, and that was why you were sick, but my emotions were sick and they made me think that it was my fault. They made me think that I couldn’t do anything right for you, if you cried it must’ve been my fault, if you couldn’t sleep it must’ve been my fault. I watched your father do so well with you and I thought that you’d be better off if I wasn’t there, you seemed miserable when I was around.” T’Pol explains. 

“But that’s not true!” Elizabeth frowns. “Why didn’t you go to Phlox? He can make everything better, I’m sure he could’ve made your emotions not sick anymore.”

“Now I know it’s not true, but I didn’t know that then. I was sick, and tired and I thought the only way you’d ever be healthy and happy was if I left.” T’Pol says. “Vulcans aren’t very comfortable talking about our emotions, we don’t usually confront them, so I didn’t know they were sick, I didn’t go to Phlox because I didn’t know they were sick.” 

“How did you find out they were sick?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“Because after I left I still wasn’t right, I wasn’t right for years, but then I finally went to a doctor who could help and he told me my emotions were sick. When they got better I knew I had to find you, I had to try to make it right.” T’Pol says. 

“That didn’t really work.” Elizabeth says. 

“Elizabeth!” Trip warns. 

“It’s fine.” T’Pol assures. “It didn’t really work, because I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted you to know from the beginning who I was but your father and I were worried that it would make you upset to know.” 

“It makes me upset not to know!” Elizabeth says. 

“I know it does, we were wrong.” T’Pol says. “Sometimes adults are wrong, I was wrong a lot. I was wrong by not going to the doctor. I was wrong by coming back, but I was most wrong in leaving you in the first place.” 

“So it’s not my fault?” Elizabeth asks. 

“No, it’s my fault.” T’Pol says. “You are the most wonderful child you always were, I was at fault and I’m so sorry Elizabeth. You do not have to forgive me -I don’t expect you to – but you deserve the truth so there it is.” 

Elizabeth looks down at her now empty plate. “Daddy can I be excused.” 

“Sure thing pumpkin.” Trip says quietly, ruffling her hair. 

 

“Thank you.” She hops off the chair and goes back into her room, shutting the door behind her T’Pol’s sure she’s crying. 

“Should I go in?” T’Pol asks. 

“No,” Trip shakes his head. “I better do it. Thanks for coming, she really needed to know.” 

“Of course she did. If you need anything just let me know. Thank you for the dinner.” T’Pol gets up, leaving her half eaten plomeek broth on the table and exiting the room.

* * *

 

After Trip gets Lizzie tucked into bed he starts towards the Captain’s quarters, his mind is swirling with what T’Pol had said, and he’s kicking himself for not realizing she was sick before. He’d loved her so much, how could he have been that blind? How could he have missed that the woman he loved so much was struggling with depression to such severity she felt the need to leave. She may not have said it out right, but it certainly sounded like Postpartum Depression to Trip, but he wasn’t a doctor and he needed to talk to someone else who knew T’Pol like he did, and it’s with this that he finds himself standing in front of the Captain’s quarters. 

“Come in.” Captain Archer’s voice says and the door slides open. “Trip, I wasn’t expecting you, it’s usually T’Pol who stops in for a late night chat.” 

“Is it?” Trip frowns. 

“Yeah, she’s been coming here to talk about Elizabeth, so what brings you here?” Captain Archer motions to a seat on the couch and tosses Porthos the piece of cheese in his hand. 

“T’Pol actually – well and Elizabeth too I guess.” Trip sighs, running a hand over his hair.

“What about them?” Captain Archer asks, sitting on the bed and looking over at Trip.

“After Elizabeth came along did you notice anything different about T’Pol?” Trip asks. 

“Different? How?” Captain Archer frowns. 

“Did she seem, you know off? Like less motivated? Sad?” Trip asks. 

“Sad?” Captain Archer raises his eyebrows. “Trip she’s a Vulcan.” 

“Yeah but she has emotions.” Trip sighs. “Did you notice anything about them?” 

“Not particularly.” Captain Archer frowns. “She was just as driven at work as usual but she didn’t really seem to be enjoying motherhood – but that’s to be expected.” 

“What do you mean?” It’s Trip’s turn to frown.

“Well, one day she was just my first officer and then the next day a six-month-old baby shows up, turns out to be the two of yours and you two are trying to raise it. It’s a big change.” Captain Archer sighs. 

“Well she came by to talk to Lizzie about why she left,” Trip sighs. “And she had postpartum depression. You don’t have to give birth to have it, I looked it up. It happens in adoptive human mothers.” Trip sighs. “Post adoption depression is a real thing so why couldn’t she have had it with Elizabeth?” 

“She’s still Vulcan.” Captain Archer points out.

“That doesn’t mean anything, she has emotions, besides there are cases of Vulcan mother’s having it, now Vulcans don’t really adopt very much so I doubt they have recorded cases of post adoption depression but why couldn’t they get that too?”

Trip sits back on the couch and sighs. “I just don’t know how I could’ve missed it.” 

“Trip you’re missing my point, she’s a Vulcan,” Captain Archer repeats. “She has emotions but they’re not easy to read.” 

“But I should’ve been able to.” Trip insists. “We had that mental bond for years – it’s still there, just weaker, she poked it the other day. I was always able to feel what she was feeling every day until Elizabeth was like 4 or 5, I should’ve noticed, but I didn’t.” 

“She could’ve put a mental block up.” Captain Archer suggests. “Then you wouldn’t have been able to tell.” 

“I guess she could have,” Trip sighs. “I just can’t help but feel that it’s my fault. I never noticed she was sick so she never got any help and it got so bad that she felt the best thing she could do for Elizabeth was to leave.” 

“Trip,” Captain Archer says. “If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine.” 

“Yours?” Trip frowns. “How is it your fault?” 

“Because, like I said before, one day you’re just two officers on my ship who had been romantically involved in the past.” Captain Archer starts explaining. “And then the next day you’re parents trying to raise a very sick baby you didn’t know you had together. That’s one hell of a change.” 

“It is but I still don’t see how that makes it your fault.” Trip asks, confused. 

“I’m the Captain of this ship and your senior officer, I have the power to assign mandatory counselling if I feel it’s necessary.” Captain Archer sighs. 

“You never did it before.” Trip frowns. “Not after the Xindi attack, or after the Expanse mission.” 

“I know I never did before.” Captain Archer looks guilty. “But in hindsight I really should have, for all those times. If I had made the two of you get mandatory counseling the depression in T’Pol would’ve been caught, she could’ve been helped.” 

“With all due respect sir,” Trip says. “That doesn’t mean it would’ve been caught. Like you said she’s hard to read, and Vulcans don’t like to talk about their emotions, if you’d ordered mandatory counseling you probably wouldn’t have gotten any more out of her then we had originally.” 

“We don’t know that.” Captain Archer says. “She could’ve started the counseling and eventually felt safe enough to discuss the problems she was having.” 

“Maybe, or she’d have shut down even more.” Trip sighs. “I should’ve seen it. I spent every night for six months sleeping next to her, we shared a bond strong enough to feel each other’s emotions for six years.” He runs a hand over his head. “I spent 7 years thinking maybe it was my fault you know?” 

“Yeah I know.” Captain Archer nods. 

“And now I’ve found out that in a way, it was.” Trip sighs. 

“Trip,” Captain Archer says. “It sounds to me like you need to go talk to T’Pol.” 

Trip stands up and nods. “I do, I do, but I told Elizabeth that I’d only be gone a minute.” 

“That’s fine.” Captain Archer stands up too. “You go talk to T’Pol and I’ll sit in your quarters incase Elizabeth wakes up.” 

“Really?” Trip asks. 

“Really.” Captain Archer nods. “You need to talk to her and I don’t have anything else to do with my evening.” 

“Thank you sir, thank you so much.” Trip says. “I-I’ll be back in an hour or so, call if you need anything.” 

Before Captain Archer can even get his shoes on Trip is out the door and starting towards T’Pol’s quarters for yet another uncomfortable conversation concerning emotions.”

 


	21. Here In The Second Act

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay managed to update on time from Tangyeong (Which does not translate well into English) and it's beautiful here. Any questions/comments probably won't be replied to until Tuesday at the earliest as I have so much going on this weekend. 
> 
> I hope this chapter answers a few questions people have had about how T'Pol got better, it's not something we touch on a lot but it is a question that needed answering. 
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 21

_ “But I need to know- When you looked away _ _   
_ _ Was it something that I said? _ _   
_ _ Was it something that I said? _ _   
_ _ Well Okay, okay, I need you more then I did before _ _   
_ __ Now that the concrete’s nearly set

_ Here in the second act I’m living in repair _ _   
_ _ Strange how the heart adapts when it’s pieces disappear _ _   
_ _ And there on page 28, I’m so tired of drying glue _ _   
_ __ I begin my grand attempt and building something new

 

  * __“Page 28” by Sleeping At Last__



 

Trip makes his way to T’Pol’s quarters as quickly as he can, even though the captain is staying with Elizabeth, Trip doesn’t want to be too long. He pushes the bell and only has to wait a minute before the door slides open, T’Pol is already in her pajamas and based on the wet hair she’s just gotten out of the shower.

“Trip.” She raises an eyebrow and steps back. “What brings you here? Is Elizabeth alright?” 

“Elizabeth is fine,” Trip nods, sitting on the bed. “It’s um – I actually wanted to talk about you – you leaving.” 

“Oh.” She pours them each a cup of tea and sits down on the bed next to him. “What about it?” 

“I just – I want to know why I didn’t see that you were depressed.” Trip says quietly. “How did I miss that? I thought we had a bond or something?” 

“We did.” T’Pol sighs. “I was very good at blocking my emotions, I only let you feel certain ones.” T’Pol says. 

“Why?” He frowns. 

“Because I didn’t want you to know how much I didn’t like motherhood.” T’Pol admits, “You were so happy and I thought if I tried to feel that happiness and to keep my own emotions away from you I would start to enjoy it.” 

Trip watches her for a minute, able to sense her discomfort. “You know something? I-I spent years wondering if it was my fault.”

“How could it have been your fault?” T’Pol asks. 

“I wondered if maybe I had trapped you there, that you didn’t want a relationship and the only way you saw to get out of it was to leave us both.” Trip confesses. 

“What could you have done to make me feel trapped?” T’Pol asks, raising her eyebrows.

“We went from having slept together in the past to raising a baby together.” Trip says. “I never asked you if you wanted to raise her together, I never even thought that you could want different and that was selfish.” 

“If I’d have stayed I would’ve wanted to try to raise her together, to keep her family stable.” T’Pol says. 

“But…” Trip says. “Come on T’Pol, I know there’s something else.” 

“But I don’t know that it would’ve worked. We were two very different people raising a very sick, very challenging little girl.” T’Pol says, sipping her tea uncomfortably. 

Trip opens his mouth and then closes it again, watching her carefully for a minute. “But you would’ve told me if that was the case right? You wouldn’t have stuck around just for Elizabeth? Even if you were miserable?” 

“Trip,” T’pol says. “I was miserable, I was miserable because I felt like I was making Elizabeth worse, not because of you. If you had been the problem I would’ve said something, but you weren’t the problem, I was.” 

“But if I had been you’d have said something?” Trip asks. 

“Yes I would have.” T’Pol nods. “I’d have told you because Elizabeth doesn’t deserve to be raised in an unhappy home.” 

“Okay,” Trip says quietly, considering his next words carefully. “So, if it was your emotions, was it because of the Trellium?” She hadn’t exactly said it when she’d been explaining to Elizabeth but he had a feeling the her past Trellium addiction had something to do with it. 

“It probably was. Between Pa’nar syndrome and the Trellium destroying my synaptic pathways my emotions were more exposed then they had been before.” She explains. “I wasn’t sure how to explain either of those things to Elizabeth, so I didn’t even try.” 

“It’s probably good that you didn’t.” Trip admits. “She’s a little young for both of those things, but in a few more years she’ll need to know.” 

“I suppose she will.” T’pol nods. 

“Will she be, you know susceptible?” Trip asks. 

“Susceptible to what?” T’Pol frowns. 

“Addiction.” Trip mutters. “in humans if a parent has been addicted to a substance then the child is more likely to become addicted easier.” 

“I’ve never heard of that in Vulcans, but honestly I wouldn’t know,” T’Pol admits. “Much like Post-Partum depression data I doubt there’s very much and it’s a highly taboo subject anyway.” 

“Is there anything that isn’t?” Trip sighs.”And what - what finally helped?” He asks, he doesn’t want to seem like he’s intruding but he wants to know. What made her decide to come back?

“I finally decided to get help.” She says quietly. “I saw a counselor after living on Earth for a few years, I hadn’t started feeling any better and finally I was told - ordered really - to go see a counselor. After two years of weekly visits he brought up that it might be time to meet Elizabeth again.” 

“So you didn’t decide on your own?” Trip asks, his heart sinking.

“Of course I decided on my own, he simply suggested that I might be able to repair things with my daughter if I was willing to try. And I was willing to try.” T’Pol says quietly. 

Trip considers this answer for a moment. “Okay, sorry for bothering you this late.” 

“It’s only 9pm.” T’Pol raises an eyebrow.

“Is it really?” Trip yawns, he was up most of last night tossing and turning over hour this evening would go and the worrying had worn him out. “Do you want to join Elizabeth and I for breakfast in the morning?”

“Are you sure?” T’Pol asks. 

“Yeah I’m sure, Lizzie needs to see you more, I don’t really think she understands that you’re a part of her life now and you need to be around more to make that clear. So breakfast tomorrow is the perfect opportunity, and I’m sure Lizzie will love to introduce you to the wonders of Banana Pancakes.” Trip chuckles. 

“Banana Pancakes?” T’pol asks. “Well I suppose that is an offer I cannot refuse.” 

“Great,” Trip says. “I’ll see you in the morning 7 am in the mess hall.” 

“Very well.” T’Pol nods. “I shall see you then.” 

Trip makes his way back to his quarters and thanks Captain Archer quietly, he doesn’t know what to think. Though T’Pol had assured him it wasn’t his fault he still feels partially guilty for letting her pain go unnoticed, maybe if he had noticed Elizabeth would’ve grown up with a mother, maybe even a sibling or two – not that T’Pol seemed to think that was very likely. She seemed to think the two of them would’ve ended in divorce at some point, Trip had never thought that, he’d always liked to think that if T’pol had been around they’d have more kids and be happy. 

He barely gets the lights off before he collapses onto the bed, having not realized how exhausted he was he quickly falls asleep. 

* * *

 

T’Pol finishes her cup of tea and gets up to pour another, her mind lingering on some of what Trip had said. What possible reason had he had to blame himself? T’Pol had thought she made it clear in explaining to Elizabeth that the only fault was hers. Of course Trip has always been one to blame himself, he’d been convinced that he’d have been able to save his sister had he been on Earth during the Xindi attacks. It was a completely illogical thought but T’Pol had never been able to completely convince him otherwise. 

She’d never have told it to Trip but Trellium-D was more of the problem then she would let on. During the time when Elizabeth was a baby it will still difficult for her to differentiate between which memories were real and which were the results of the Trellium. According to her therapist her inability to differentiate between reality and delusion had contributed to her severe depression. She had no way of knowing from her own senses if almost a year and a half of memories was real, and her own pride kept her from asking. 

None of it mattered now, they were all selfish reasons and they’d hurt her daughter, she was aware that Elizabeth was the only reason Trip had been as willing to forgive her as he was. He was a wonderful father – that was true even 7 years ago – and he didn’t want for Elizabeth to see the two of them fighting. T’Pol didn’t doubt Elizabeth could feel the tension – T’Pol had always known when things between her parents were tense – but at least they wouldn’t be openly fighting in front of her. 

T’Pol’s stomach growls, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten very much at dinner, with any luck there’s still some food let in the mess hall. 

She enters the mess hall, it’s mostly emptied out by now as the Beta shift is in full swing and Gamma shift doesn’t start for another three hours. The only other person in the mess hall is Phlox, sitting by himself with a large spread of food around him. 

“Are you preparing for another hibernation cycle Doctor?” T’Pol asks, sitting down with her soup. 

“Hmm?” Phlox looks up. “Oh! Yes I am, I’m going to get one out of the way while Liz is here so that way we don’t have to worry about being short a doctor. What brings you to the mess hall at this hour? You’re not usually one for a late night snack.” 

“I had dinner with Trip and Elizabeth, I did not eat very much.” T’Pol explains. 

“How is little Elizabeth?” Phlox asks, his smile faltering slightly. 

“Oh, she’s fine, Trip and I sat down and explained a few things to her.” T’Pol says quietly. 

“Did you? And how did that go? If you don’t mind me asking that is.” Phlox asks. 

“She was, understandably upset but Trip got her calmed down and the three of us will be having breakfast together tomorrow.” T’Pol sips her soup quietly. 

“Breakfast? Has she decided to introduce you to her favorite Banana Pancakes?” Phlox smiles. 

“I believe she has.” T’Pol nods. “I am somewhat apprehensive at the thought of sharing a meal with her after tonight and the last seven years apart.”

“Nonsense, children are resilient little creatures she’ll come round at some point.” Phlox smiles. “Just give her a few months and I’m sure she’ll be as eager to show you her favorite things as she is to show them to Hoshi.” 

“She and Hoshi do seem to be quite close.” T’Pol nods. 

“Yes they are, Hoshi did quite a bit when Trip was still trying to figure out how to take care of her on his own.” Phlox explains. “I admit there was a time when I thought the two of them would get together and have a family but it never panned out.” 

“Trip and Hoshi?” T’Pol raises her eyebrows. 

“Yes, I’m surprised you haven’t picked up on the closeness of the two of them.” Phlox says. 

“I had but Trip said it was nothing.” T’Pol says, perhaps a little curtly.

“Well it is now, but I believe Hoshi still has a fondness for him, though his heart has always belonged to his daughter.” Phlox smiles. “If Elizabeth was a bit older he might pursue a relationship but I think he’s far too devoted to her to start one now, and Hoshi knows that.” 

T’Pol purses her lips slightly but doesn’t say anything, the thought of Trip and Hoshi in a relationship makes her slightly uncomfortable. 

“I admit to thinking that the two of them would at least try a relationship since I saw the two of them interact for the first time, but when the two of you got together I thought otherwise. I admit I didn’t see your relationship coming, I always thought you and the Captain were better suited to one another.” Phlox continues, T’Pol stands up. “Done already? You’ve hardly touched your food.” 

“Yes I am done.” T’Pol says curtly, getting up and leaving the mess hall as quickly as she can without running. She doesn’t want to hear about Trip and Hoshi, or her and the Captain. What could’ve led Phlox to believe either of those relationships was a good idea? He must need sleep more then he’s let on. 

 

Once she’s back in her quarters she pulls out the meditation mat and her candles, it’s a bit later than her usual meditation time but she certainly needs it after listening to Phlox ramble on about who he thought should be coupled with who.


	22. Parachute

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This week has been kind of crazy with my grandmother being here, I've had two papers to write, work and classes almost every day so I've been more then a little busy. Unfortunately it will remain this way until May 6th. On May 6th, which is a Friday, I take my last final in the evening so my usual update time will be pushed back a couple of hours or possibly until Saturday, it depends on how drained that final leaves me. Thank you so much for reviewing though and I'll try to get to responding to reviews this weekend!
> 
> So we have arrived at chapter 22, where we get a pretty big surprise from our Little Lizzie, the poor kid sure is conflicted about her mother. On one hand she doesn't consider T'Pol to be her mother at all, but on the other she's curious about her.
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 22

_ “I am short of breath _ _   
_ _ Standing next to you _ _   
_ _ I’ll be the dangerous ledge _ _   
_ __ You be the parachute”

_ -”Heart” by Sleeping At Last _

* * *

 

“You ready for breakfast with T’Pol?” Trip asks his bleary-eyed daughter as he brushes her hair so he can put her bow in it. 

“I guess so.” Elizabeth mumbles. 

“You guess so?” Trip asks, picking the pink hairbow up from the table. 

“Yeah, I’d rather have breakfast with Miss Hoshi instead.” Elizabeth yawns. “And my throat is still scratchy and I keep coughing.” 

“Well we’ll have dinner with Hoshi how about?” Trip asks, kissing her hair and putting the brush down and fixing the bow in her hair. “There, hair’s all pretty now.” 

“Thanks daddy.” She says, getting off the chair and grabbing her book bag. “I’m still staying with you in engineering?” 

“Yes baby girl, you are.” Trip says. 

“Daddy?” Elizabeth asks. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Just did baby girl.” He chuckles. 

Elizabeth rolls her eyes. “A real question.” 

“Course you can.” He grins. “Gotta ask while we walk though.” He puts his hand on her back and guides her out the door. 

“You and T’Pol loved each other, once right?” Elizabeth says, taking his hand. 

“Yeah we did.” He nods. “What about it?” 

“Well do you think you can love each other again?” She asks, looking up at him. 

Her question gives him pause, every child of divorced parents dreams of their parents getting back together and being happy again didn’t they? How was he supposed to completely shoot down this idea without upsetting her too much?

“Well pumpkin,” Trip sighs. “It’s a little too complicated to say right now but no I don’t think T’Pol and I will be falling in love again.” 

“Good.” 

“Good?” Her answer surprises him and he pauses. 

“Yeah, good.” Elizabeth shrugs. “Cause that would be weird. T’Pol might be my Momma but she’s not, you know  _ really  _ my Momma.” 

“I guess so.” Trip frowns. 

“Hoshi’s more like my Momma then T’Pol is.” Elizabeth says. “You should marry her.” 

Trip laughs and ruffles Elizabeth’s hair a little bit, causing the pink hairbow to go lopsided. “Hoshi and I aren’t gettin’  married either pumpkin. Sorry.” 

“Well alright.” Elizabeth sighs. “but you better not marry T’Pol, she didn’t stick around before and I’m not  sure she’s gonna stick around now. 

They walk the rest of the way in silence, Trip contemplating his daughter’s cynicism. Elizabeth had always been more perceptive then most children and she was significantly smarter then other human children her age but she was still a child. He was fairly sure it was normal for kids to fantasize about being a princess or being secretly adopted but he never expected any of this from Elizabeth, he’d always considered her to be too smart for these sorts of fantasies. He wasn’t even sure this fantasy of Hoshi becoming her mother even counts as one of those fantasies, especially given her seemingly cold attitude towards her mother. Maybe it’s time to talk to Phlox about counseling. 

“Good morning Commander T’Pol.” Elizabeth says, pulling herself up on a chair, T’Pol is already sitting at the back table in the mess hall with a bowl of broth. 

“I’ll be right back I’m gonna go get some breakfast. You want pancakes Elizabeth?” He asks. 

“Yes sir, Banana please.” Elizabeth says. “And can I have some tea with honey for my throat?” 

“Course you can princess.” Trip chuckles. 

As he starts towards the breakfast table he hears Elizabeth start to tell T’Pol all about her sore throat and cough. His thoughts that maybe it won’t be as awkward as he’d worried it would are dashed when he returns and see’s T’Pol’s discomfort with Elizabeth. Elizabeth doesn’t look very comfortable either and practically dives into her pancakes as soon as they’re set in front of her. 

“Slow down there princess.” He chuckles. 

“She’s been telling me about her mathematics class.” T’Pol says, sipping her broth quietly. 

“Has she? She tell you she was already doin’ algebra?” He grins. “She’s ahead in most subjects except reading and history.” 

“But that’s only because I don’t like reading and history, they’re boring.” Elizabeth insists. “I don’t want to spend all day on those unless I absolutely have to.” 

“I know you don’t.” Trip chuckles. “But gettin’ you to do them at all ain’t easy.” 

“You should devote yourself in all areas of study.” T’Pol says. “It’s the only way to become a well-rounded member of society.”

Elizabeth rolls her eyes. “I already know what I’m going to be, I’m going to be an engineer like daddy.” 

“Elizabeth,” Trip says. “Don’t roll your eyes at –“ He pauses, he almost said ‘your mother’ but that probably wouldn’t go over very well with Elizabeth. “At Commander T’Pol.” 

“Sorry.” Elizabeth mutters. 

The rest of the meal continues in much the same way, any attempts at conversation are uncomfortable and awkward and he’s glad when the mess hall starts to clear as Alpha shift prepares to start. 

“I’ll go put our dishes up, get your back pack baby girl it’s time to go.” Trip says at 7:45, it’s still a little early to head to engineering but he’s not sure he can take much more of this meal. 

“Do I have to?” Elizabeth asks. 

“Do you have to what?” Trip sighs. 

“Go to engineering.” Elizabeth says. 

“You can’t stay here, so yeah you have to come.” Trip sighs. “Now come on Elizabeth get ready to go.” 

“Can I go with Commander T’Pol instead?” Elizabeth asks, 

T’Pol – who’s midway through a bite of soup – looks up at him, caught as off guard as he is. 

“Um…” He says looking at T’Pol. “That’s – why don’t you just come with me.” 

“Why?” Elizabeth pouts. “Do I have to Commander?” She asks, turning now to T’Pol. 

T’Pol swallows and look from Elizabeth to Trip. “The lab is no place for children and you have school work.” 

“I’ll stay out of the way and do my work.” Elizabeth promises. “You don’t even have to check on me. I’ll be real quiet.” 

“It’s up to T’Pol.” Trip sighs. “As long as you get your work done and the Captain approves, then you can go with T’Pol.” 

“Can i?” Elizabeth asks, turning to T’Pol. 

“I suppose you can… I believe I’ll be in the laboratory today, which means you’ll have to stay in my office. It’s far too dangerous for you to be in the lab.” T’Pol says. 

“I will, I won’t mess with anything and I won’t make a peep.” Elizabeth promises. 

“Very well, you may come along.” T’Pol says. “Get your things, I’ll have to inform the Captain of your presence.” 

Elizabeth is surprisingly obedient and picks up her backpack quickly. “Bye daddy!” She hugs Trip briefly and trots out of the mess hall after T’Pol. 

Trip puts the dishes up and starts towards engineering, feeling oddly uncomfortable without Elizabeth beside him. It was by no means the first day she’d spent away from him, she often spent days with Hoshi, or in the mess hall, or their quarters working on her school work, but it had been years since she’d been alone with T’Pol all day. Even when she was a baby she spent most of her time in engineering as Captain Archer had been insistent that the bridge was no place for a baby. T’Pol would take small breaks to nurse her every two hours, but for the most part Trip had been with her every day of her life, and the thought of having to loose time with her so she could be with T’Pol unsettled him. 

If she was this willing to leave him for the day after only knowing T’Pol was her mother for a few days how long would he have until she decided she wanted to stay nights with T’Pol? A few months? A few weeks? What if the time came when Elizabeth decided she didn’t want to live with him anymore and wanted to go to whatever ship T’Pol was on?

“You okay?” Hoshi’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“Huh? Oh, um yeah.” He nods. 

“You sure?” Hoshi asks, falling into step next to him. “Cause you don’t look okay. Where’s Elizabeth?” 

“Oh, she’s – she’s with T’Pol.” Trip says quietly. “Asked to go with her today.” 

“Oh.” Hoshi says. “And you’re not okay with that?” 

“No, no I’m fine with it.” Trip insists. “I just didn’t expect it, she’s only known T’Pol was her mother for a couple of days and she didn’t seem to even like her much at breakfast.” 

“Well T’Pol is still her mother.” Hoshi says gently. “If I was in her position I’d be curious too, not to mention all the emotions she’s got to be having right now. 

“Yeah I guess, I just didn’t see it coming.” He shrugs. “I guess I’m just worried about her. 

“Good.” Hoshi smiles. 

“Good?” Trip frowns. 

“Yeah, good, because you love her and you’re worried about her. It gives you an excuse to check on her.” Hoshi says. “If she and T’Pol are on the bridge today I’ll keep an eye on them for you okay?” 

“Will you?” Trip asks, “Thanks, I just don’t know how well this is all gonna go.” 

“Of course I will.” Hoshi smiles. “Have a nice day Commander, I’ll give you an update when I see them.” 

“Thanks Lieutenant.” He smiles, waving a little and turning into the engineering bay while Hoshi goes straight towards the turbolift for the bridge.

* * *

 

T’Pol does her best to conceal her discomfort from her daughter, she has no idea why Elizabeth has decided to spend the day in the lab with her.  The lab is certainly no place for a child, not that engineering is really any better but at least Trip has some idea of what to do with her. T’Pol has absolutely no idea what she’s supposed to do with Elizabeth all day, will any human or partially human child really spend 8 hours working on school work without prompting? Somehow T’Pol highly doubts it, especially since Trips genes are featured prominently in most of Elizabeth’s personality. 

“Where should I go?” Elizabeth asks as they enter the entry room for the laboratory. 

The entry room is perfectly safe, for Elizabeth to be able to get to anything hazardous to her health she’d have to go through one of the three doors off the entryway. One leads to biological materials, another to the chemistry lab and the last one to the physics lab, all of these have varying degrees of danger and she’s not letting Elizabeth anywhere near them. The fourth door leads to her office and this is the one which T’Pol pushes open, it’s not very big but it’s enough room for Elizabeth to sit at the desk. 

“You can sit here, but you have to promise to work on your work and to use the comm system if you need me.” T’Pol says. 

“Why do I have to use the comm system?” Elizabeth frowns. 

“Because the other rooms are very dangerous, I don’t want you entering them on your own.” T’Pol says. “Do you understand.” 

“Yes Ma’am. What can I do when I finish my school work?” Elizabeth asks. 

“If you finish your school work before shift is over let me know and I can set a movie up on the computer.” T’Pol says. “Is that satisfactory?” 

“Yes Ma’am.” Elizabeth nods. 

“Good, I’ll be back in an hour to check on you.” T’Pol says, closing the door and entering the chemistry lab. 

T’Pol spends most of the day taking inventory of the chemicals and checking on Elizabeth every hour, as the day progresses she notices a change in Elizabeth. She was coughing and had a sore throat but was otherwise lively in the morning but after lunch when T’Pol stops into check on her around 2pm she notices Elizabeth has fallen asleep. She doesn’t attempt to wake her but it strikes her as odd, Elizabeth is eight years old, by that age most children – human or Vulcan – would’ve stopped napping. She attempts to reassure herself by telling herself that Elizabeth could just be a little different then most children, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time. Still she decides to tell Trip when she drops Elizabeth off at shift’s end. 

“Elizabeth.” She says gently, reaching out to shake her gently. “Wake up, it’s time to go see your father.” 

Elizabeth blinks a few times and whimpers. “I don’t wanna.” 

“You must wake now Elizabeth, we don’t have time for games. Get up.” T’Pol says more firmly. 

Elizabeth scowls and rubs her eyes. “Fine, I’m up see?” She grumbles. “Where are we going?” 

“To meet your father. Shift is over.” T’Pol says picking up her backpack. “Did you have a nice nap?” 

“It would’ve been nicer if I could’ve kept napping.” Elizabeth grumbles. 

“Well we don’t have time for you to continue napping.” T’Pol says. “Put your shoes on.” 

Elizabeth bends down to tie her tennis shoes and hops off the chair. “Can you carry my backpack?” 

“Very well.” T’Pol says, holding the backpack in one hand and opening the door with the other. “Come on,” Elizabeth trudges along after her, still sleepy from her nap.

They meet Trip in the mess hall at 4:15, he’s got a cup of tea for Elizabeth. “How’d it go baby girl?” He asks, taking the backpack from T’Pol and kneeling to Elizabeth, Elizabeth wraps her arms around him and yawns. 

“She was very well behaved.” T’Pol says. “She did not want to wake up from her nap though.” 

“Her nap huh?” Trip frowns. “You feelin’ okay baby? You haven’t taken a nap in months.” 

“Yeah I’m okay.” Elizabeth mumbles. “Just sleepy.” 

“Well you’ve had a big day.” Trip says. “Say thank you to T’Pol and let’s go drop your stuff off and get dinner.” 

“Thanks Commander.” Elizabeth mumbles. 

“Bye T’Pol.” Trip says, picking up Elizabeth and carrying her from the mess hall. 

 


	23. Living Blueprint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! So today has already been a success, for one I took my exam and managed to pull at least an 82 (the short answer questions will take a bit longer to grade then the multiple choice so it could go up (or down eep)) and should find out my final grades on Tuesday. For another I managed to update on time, something i admittedly wasn't sure I would be able to do. Things will return to normal from now on (assuming nothing sudden comes up, but I don't anticipate anything) until the 3rd week of June when I will be on the other side of the world, as that's the last chapter I intend to post that on time as well though I may be off by a couple of hours. 
> 
> This chapter does unfortunately see the decline of our sweet little Elizabeth but it does start to see Trip and T'Pol pull closer together as her parents so it's kind of 50-50 in good and bad I suppose. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter and please leave a review, I love to hear from y'all and I always try to respond to as much as I can.
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 23

_ “Patterns form and feel important _ _   
_ _ The starting lines of a living blueprint _ _   
_ _ All this information in formation is key _ _   
_ __ To tell the difference between waking life and our dreams”

_ \- “Mind” by Sleeping At Last _

* * *

 

Elizabeth napping was weird, but Trip doesn’t think too much of it, her first day alone with T’Pol in seven years was probably a little stressful. Even if all T’Pol did was check in on Elizabeth regularly to make sure she was working Elizabeth was only eight, she’d probably been anxious most of the day. 

Trip spends most of the meal trying to get Elizabeth to say if anything was upsetting her, she didn’t let on to anything, just kept repeating that she was tired. 

“Tired? Baby girl you had a two hour nap.” Trip frowns. “Do you wanna go see the doctor?” 

“No.” Elizabeth mutters. “I’m not sick, I’m just tired.” 

“If you ain’t sick then why are you so tired?” Trip asks, reaching across the table and feeling her forehead, she’s not warm. 

“Because I am.” She mumbles, crawling over onto Hoshi’s lap like she used to when she was little. “I’ve never been in the lab office before. It was new.” 

“New,” Trip says, thinking he may finally be able to get whatever was bothering her out of her. “Did that worry you?” 

“Not too much.” Elizabeth says. “I just get tired when I’m not used to places.” Hoshi starts to rock her gently and rub her back like she did when she was a baby.

“Do you wanna go get your bath then?” Trip asks.

“Can we?” Elizabeth mumbles. “I’m ready to get ready to bed.” 

“It’s not even 6 o’clock yet Lizzie-bug.” Hoshi mutters, looking over to Trip. “Maybe you should go see Dr. Phlox.” 

“I don’t need to go to the doctor!” Elizabeth pouts, crossing her arms and glaring up at Hoshi. Yep, she was definitely tired, she rarely acted like that towards her beloved Hoshi. 

“Alright, alright.” Trip says, not really wanting to push seeing the doctor since she didn’t have a fever. If it was just stress then forcing her to sickbay would only stress her out more. “Come on, we’ll go get your bath.” 

He collects the trays of food and takes them over to the counter quickly, then takes Elizabeth from Hoshi’s lap, she wraps her arms and legs around him and waves goodbye to Hoshi. 

“See you at breakfast Hosh.” Trip smiles, waving as they leave the mess hall. 

Elizabeth perks up a bit during her bath and plays with her dolls until the water gets too cold for her to stay in any longer. Once she’s out she asks Trip to get in bed and read a book to her before her bedtime, he agrees since they still have half an hour until she’s supposed to be in bed. 

“How about we start with one of my favorites tonight?” Trip asks, pulling a book from the shelf. 

“What book?” Elizabeth asks. 

“My Momma read this book to me and my sister when I was 8. It’s called  _ Danny, Champion of the World.” _ He grins. “You’ll like it. 

“It’s a chapter book?” Elizabeth yawns. 

“Yep, it’ll take us a couple of weeks to get through.” He nods. “You’ll like it.” 

“Okay daddy.” She says, crawling under the covers and snuggling up to him as he sits on the bed. 

Elizabeth barely makes it through the first chapter before she’s falling asleep, Trip closes the book and kisses her hair. He tucks her in and turns out the light, frowning as he glances at the clock, which flashes 7:20, Elizabeth hasn’t gone to bed this early of her own accord while healthy in three years. Reminding himself that she’s had a long couple of days he settles down with a movie before he himself heads to bed. 

He’s successful in not lingering on it again that night, and gets into bed himself at around 11pm after checking on her – she’s still asleep, still breathing, and still fever free. Having decided he was just being overly concerned and that nothing was wrong with her he slips into a peaceful sleep. 

When he wakes a few hours later it takes a moment for him to register what’s woken him up but the sound of heaving and then something hitting the floor with a wet  _ slap!  _ He pulls himself out of bed,  his hand on the light in seconds. Elizabeth is standing in the doorway of the main room, panting, a puddle of vomit at her feet and some dribbling down her chin, she’s pale and her eyes are glassy. 

“Daddy…” She whimpers. 

“Elizabeth!” Trip scoops her up, her tiny body is radiating heat. 

He doesn’t even bother to call first, he just pulls a blanket off the bed, wraps her in it and starts towards sickbay, Phlox definitely doesn’t need to confirm that she needs to come in. Elizabeth clings to him tightly, muttering incoherently to him, he strokes her hair and kisses her hot forehead. 

“You’ll be okay baby girl.” He whispers, trying to sound more confident then he feels. “Dr. Phlox is gonna make you all better.” 

He pushes the doors to sickbay open and Phlox is there almost before he can get her on the biobed. “What happened?” 

“Sh-she threw up, has a fever.” Trip mutters, setting her on the bed and stroking her hair back. 

“Other symptoms?” Phlox asks, working quickly to get her temperature. “Elizabeth open your mouth. Elizabeth!” His stern tone seems to work and Elizabeth opens her mouth, just enough to put the thermometer in it. At least she can still be ornery. 

“Um, she had a sore throat and cough this mornin’.” Trip says shakily. “I-I should’ve brought her in after dinner, she took a nap and fell asleep early.” 

“Never mind that now, what did she have for dinner?” Phlox asks, taking her pulse. 

“Um, she had a few bites of mushroom soup and a roll.” Trip says. “She didn’t eat much.” 

“Take her pajamas off,” Phlox says, pulling the monitor wires and sticky pads from a drawer as Dr. Cutler drags a heavy monitor over, Trip starts to work quietly, trying to assure Elizabeth that she’s going to be fine as Dr. Cutler and Phlox hook dozens of monitors up to her.

* * *

 

T’Pol is pulled from a deep sleep with the sudden feeling of falling, she lies there in the dark for a moment, something is wrong. She reaches over and turns on the light, the clock is showing ‘3:05 am’, she waits a moment to see if the comm chirps, it doesn’t. She wasn’t woken by the captain, and she wasn’t woken falling out of bed like she’d thought, then why was she so anxious? 

She crosses the room and turns the kettle on, perhaps a cup of tea will calm her down. She paces nervously while waiting for it to boil, trying to remember if a nightmare had woken her, she doesn’t remember having a dream at all. T’Pol pours her tea and sits back in bed, picking up the Kirshara, perhaps focusing in the words of Surak will calm the surely illogical anxiety she’s experiencing. 

She lays there for nearly an hour, sipping her tea and trying to read, but it’s no use she can neither focus nor calm herself down. She turns on the main light and starts to get dressed, perhaps a walk will help her. She dresses in a warmer pair of pajamas and a sweater before starting out to walk around the deck. 

Early in her days on board she used to wander around the decks late at night when Alpha and Beta shifts were asleep and Gamma Shift was busy. It was the quietest time on board the ship and she often found it a way to quiet her thoughts enough to meditate, those early days had been as troublesome for her as they had for her human companions. She’d been overstimulated almost constantly by the sounds and smells of the humans, they always seemed to want to touch her, be it on the arm or the back it gave her a sudden flash of emotion that was almost too much for her to handle at the time. The quiet night time walks had been her way of a slow desensitizing before meditating and a few hours sleep

Tonight however she finds herself wandering towards sickbay, if a cup of tea, reading or a walk won’t quiet her mind perhaps Phlox can give her something to calm her anxieties. She walks through the doors of sickbay and her sudden anxiety and insomnia make sense. 

Lying on one of the beds in the back attached to monitors and an IV, surrounded by Trip and Drs. Phlox and Cutler is her daughter. 

“What’s going on?” T’Pol asks, rushing across the room to stand next to Trip. “What happened?” 

Trip jumps. “What the hell are you doing here?” He exclaims, startled by her presence. 

“I couldn’t sleep, I went for a walk and wound up here. What’s going on?” She repeats. 

“We don’t know.” Phlox frowns. 

“You don’t know? My daughter is lying here obviously ill and you don’t know?” T’Pol frowns. 

“Sh-she threw up.” Trip mutters. “About an hour ago, I woke up and she’d vomited on the floor, has a high fever.” 

“She’s thrown up twice since and we don’t yet know what’s wrong with her.” Phlox frowns. “We were trying to get her to keep some water and crackers down so we could do a blood draw but we’ve had to go to IV fluids instead.” 

“What could it be?” T’Pol asks. 

“It could be a stomach virus.” Dr. Cutler speaks up. “If it is she’ll get better in a couple of days.” 

“She might.” Trip mutters. “Or she’ll get worse.” 

“If it’s a stomach virus?” Phlox frowns. “Well if it’s just a stomach virus it will take her a lot longer to get rid of but she’ll live. I’m worried it will turn into something else, if she gets fluid in her lungs and developed pneumonia she could be in a lot more trouble.” 

“How much trouble?” T’Pol asks, looking from Trip to Phlox. 

“If she gets pneumonia she’s at risk of death.” Phlox says grimly. 

“Death?” T’Pol asks, unable to conceal the shock. 

“She has no immune system and she’s taken so many different antibiotics in her short life the chances of her developing an antibiotic resistant strain are much higher than in the average child.” Phlox explains. 

T’Pol looks over at Trip who’s doing his best not to cry. “An-and you think this could be the case?” 

“We won’t know until I can get the blood drawn and tested.” Phlox sighs. “We’ll let her sleep until the IV is done and then we’ll have to wake her for the blood draw. I’ll go prepare the equitment.” 

Drs. Phlox and Cutler leave the three of them alone, Elizabeth is still sleeping soundly, T’Pols presence doesn’t seem to disturb her and she doesn’t seem to have heard anything. Both of which are good, T’Pol’s not sure an eight year old really needs to know the risk of her dying, it would just worry her. 

“She just – just threw up?” T’Pol asks, looking over at Trip nervously. 

“Yeah.” He nods. “She was standin’ in the doorway, I woke up, heard her  vomit, turned on the lights and she looked like the walkin’ dead.” 

“Has she done this before?” T’Pol reaches out and strokes Elizabeth’s hair back, she’s burning up. 

“Couple times.” Trip nods. “But it’s never been good. I know she means well but Dr. Cutler’s optimism doesn’t fool me, it’s probably not just a stomach virus.” 

“She’s trying not to worry us, it’s what a doctor is supposed to do.” T’Pol says. 

“Yeah to some degree, but they’re supposed to be realistic too.” Trip mutters, he’s silent a minute before continuing. “Maybe she is being realistic to her. If it was her kid she’d think stomach bug, she’d never rush to the hospital for something like vomit, but her kids are all healthy and have strong immune systems Lizzie never has.” 

“I know.” T’Pol whispers. 

“You gonna stay?” He asks. 

“Would it bother you if I did?” 

“No.”

“Then I’m going to stay.” She decides, taking a seat next to the bed. 

 


	24. What We're Fighting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, this week has been a little bit crazy and with mother's day this weekend I'm preparing for that to be crazy too. 
> 
> -Galia

Chapter 24

_ “Lay your weapons down _ _   
_ _ They’re calling off the war _ _   
_ _ On account of losing track _ _   
_ __ Of what we’re fighting for”

_ -”Mars” by Sleeping At Last _

* * *

 

Half an hour later, at a little past 4:30 in the morning, Phlox comes over to wake Elizabeth, she’s not easy to wake and doesn’t have much motivation to do so, knowing if she stays asleep they can’t do the blood draw.

“Come on Lizzie bug.” Trip sighs. “You need to get up baby girl, we have to do the blood draw, if we don’t we won’t be able to know what’s making you sick.” 

“I don’t want the blood draw.” Elizabeth whines. “It hurts.” 

“I know it does, but you can sit on my lap and squeeze my hand real tight.” Trip promises. 

Elizabeth opens her blue eyes, her pale face stretching into a pout. “But daddy…” 

“There’s a good girl.” He offers a small smile. “Come on, up you go.” 

He sits on the bed next to her and lifts her into his lap, she curls up and closes her eyes tightly but she lets him old out her left arm. “Can you hurry?” She asks. 

“I’ll be as quick as I can.” Dr. Phlox promises, attaching he needle to the tube and rubbing her arm with an alcohol wipe.

“No don’t!” Elizabeth says as soon as the wipe is removed from her arm, she’s done this enough times to know that the needle comes next, and tries to pull her arm out of Trip’s hand. The fluids she’d received had given some of her strength back but she was still an eight-year-old and Trip is easily able to hold her arm into place, though it kills him to do so. As soon as the needle pokes her skin Elizabeth starts to sob, Trip knows from experience it doesn’t actually hurt her, but it does scare her and he strokes her hair comfortingly. 

“You’re okay baby.” He whispers, “It’ll just take a minute.” 

He looks over at T’Pol who is as white as a sheet, she’s not used to this and he can tell that she wants to intervene even though she must know logically that Elizabeth is just fine and it’s just a little blood draw.  He looks down at the tube which is now filled with green blood and Phlox pulls the needle out of her arm and wraps a bandage around it. 

“See that didn’t take very long.” Phlox smiles. 

“No more pokeys?” Elizabeth pouts. 

“Not right this moment no, but I won’t promise about later.” Phlox says, he always does his best to reassure Elizabeth without lying to her and in this case it’s a really good thing he doesn’t try to tell her she doesn’t need anymore. Trip knows it’s more than likely that she’ll need another blood draw or IV. 

“You did good brave girl.” Trip kisses her hair. 

“Will you snuggle me?” Elizabeth whimpers. 

“Course I will.” Trip smiles a little and pulls the blanket up over her and lays next to her. “You’re gonna be okay.” 

Dr. Cutler hangs another IV bag on the pole next to the bed. “We’ll have the blood work back in the morning, until then try to get some sleep.” She offers Elizabeth a small smile. 

“Okay.” Elizabeth mumbles, she looks over at T’Pol. “What are you doing here?” 

“I woke up and knew something was wrong.” T’Pol says gently. “I came to check on you.” 

“You just knew?” Elizabeth frowns. “How did you know?” 

“You’re my daughter.” T’Pol says. “Even if we’ve been separated a long time a mother always knows.” 

“Are you gonna stay?” Elizabeth mumbles, Trip’s eyes shift from his daughter to T’Pol. 

“Would you like me too?” T’Pol asks. 

“I guess so…” Elizabeth shrugs. “I don’t mind if you wanna go though.” The quiet – almost resigned way Elizabeth seems to assume that T’Pol wants to leave seems to stir something in her. Her posture relaxes slightly and she leans forward to reach out and touch Elizabeth’s hand. 

“I don’t want to leave you.” T’Pol whispers. 

The two of them are silent for a moment and Trip knows something has changed between the two, even if he can’t feel it he knows them both well enough to sense it. It makes him wonder if maybe, someday they can be something resembling a family again. Even if he and T’Pol can’t reconcile with each other maybe they can make something work for their daughter. 

“You want me to go get you a new pair of pajama’s Princess?” Trip asks, stroking back Elizabeth’s hair. 

“No I want you to stay.” Elizabeth pouts, blinking her big blue eyes over at him. 

“Princess, you got sick on yours.” Trip points out. 

“I’ll just wear the sick bay pajamas Phlox has, please don’t leave.” She wraps her arms around his arms and buries her face into his shoulder sadly. 

“Alright, alright let me go ask Dr. Cutler for a new set then.” Trip says. “You stay with Commander T’Pol for a minute okay?” 

“Okay.” Elizabeth mutters. 

Trip gets off the bed and goes over to where Dr. Cutler stands, preparing yet another IV. “What’s that one for?” 

“Just in case.” Dr. Cutler says. “Phlox wants to wait an hour after she finishes that bag but if she gets worse we’ll do another one before the hour is up.” 

“Does he think she could get worse again that fast?” Trip frowns. 

“We don’t know.” Dr. Cutler says with a sigh. “She’s perked up a bit now that she’s got fluids and antibiotics in her but if those go away she could get worse again.” 

“Oh.” Trip mutters. 

“I'm sorry, did you need something?” Dr. Cutler sets the bag down and looks at him. 

“Um yeah, Lizzie has some vomit on her Pajamas, I was wonderin’ if we could get her one of the gowns to wear? She won’t let me leave to go get her a new set.” Trip explains. 

“Sure, I’ll bring one over in a second, it’s probably best that she wear a gown for the time being anyway.” Dr. Cutler says. 

“Why?” Trip frowns. 

“Incase of an emergency.” Dr. Cutler says quietly. “It’s a lot easier to hook her to monitors if she’s wearing a gown.” 

“Oh…” Trip mutters. “well um, thanks.” 

“No problem.” Dr. Cutler forces a smile at him and goes into another room. 

Trip returns to the bedside and kisses Elizabeth’s hair. “Dr. Cutler is gonna bring you the gown in a second okay?” 

“Okay daddy.” Elizabeth mutters. 

Dr. Cutler brings the gown over to them and pulls the curtain around the bed closed so Elizabeth can change. The gown is much too large for her – evidently Dr. Cutler doesn’t know where Phlox keeps the few gowns in Lizzie’s size – but it will do. Elizabeth settles back down into bed and dozes off with in a few minutes. Trip looks over at T’Pol, she’s watching Elizabeth quietly and is more obviously nervous then he’s seen ever seen her before. 

* * *

 

T’Pol watches her daughter drift off into sleep and allows herself a momentary lapse in control, she lets out a sigh and shifts her position in her chair, and after a moment shifts it again. That’s when she notices Trip is watching her. 

“What?” 

“You’re nervous.” Trip says quietly, a frown crossing his face. 

“Is it obvious?” T’Pol asks, looking away. 

“No.” She can tell he’s lying through his teeth to try to calm her down, but she can’t help the anxiety. She’d just gotten Elizabeth back and now she was lying in sickbay, tubes going out of her arms, and they had no idea what was wrong with her. It doesn’t exactly bring back pleasant memories. 

“It reminds me of the first night we had her.” She says quietly, moving from the chair to the bed to watch Elizabeth. “When she was in the incubator, and Phlox told us it was unlikely that she’d make it through the night.”

“It never gets any easier.” Trip says, sitting in one of the chairs next to the bed. “Seeing her like this is just as horrible every single time. She can go from a vivacious little girl to deaths door in 24 hours.” 

“I’m sorry Trip.” T’Pol says, looking over at him. “I’m sorry I made you and Elizabeth go through that alone.” 

“You know somethin’?” Trip says. “The night we brought Elizabeth home you had the same expression on your face.” 

“Vulcans do not –“ 

“Have expressions I know.” Trip rolls his eyes. “I don’t think anyone else noticed. It’s real subtle, maybe I only noticed because of that bond thing, I don’t’ know. But it’s like I could tell you were guilty. You thought it was your fault she was sick.” 

“I should feel guilty now. I abandoned my daughter.” T’Pol says. 

“Yeah I know.” Trip nods. T’Pol is caught off guard, she hadn’t expected him to console her or tell her it wasn’t her fault or anything like that, but she hadn’t expected him to agree with her either. She’d expected him to ignore her. 

“It feels the same.” T’Pol says. “Tonight and the night we brought her here.” 

“Yeah it does.” Trip whispers, getting out of his chair and standing by the head of Elizabeth’s bed, he strokes her hair back and sighs. “I remember you standing over that incubator, watchin’ her sleep, she was wearing just her diaper and hat, all these monitoring wires hooked up to her.” 

“And the stuffed puppy.” T’Pol says quietly, touching the stuffed animal that Elizabeth has tucked under one arm. “You put the stuffed puppy in with her.” 

“Yeah I did.” Trip whispers. “It was mine, I had it in my quarters with a few of my old things, I thought she might like it so I put it in with her.” 

“She looks so much younger like this.” T’Pol whispers. “So much smaller and more fragile.” 

“She always does when she’s sick like this.” Trip nods “She’s fragile all the time but she doesn’t look it until she’s like this, last year she was sick for nearly six weeks, vomiting, fever, nearly died then too. By the time she was fully recovered and could come back home she was so thin and fragile I thought she might break when I picked her up.” 

“I used to think that too.” T’Pol whispers, stroking Elizabeth’s hair lovingly. “That first night she was in sickbay, with all those cords coming out of her. I wanted to hold her but I was afraid I’d break her if I did.” 

“You stayed up all night with her then.” Trip yawns, looking at his watch, it’s nearly five am now. 

“I did yes, do you remember when Minister Samuels came by to see her?” She asks. 

“I remember you nearly takin’ his head off when he tried to ask if he could holder her.” Trip chuckles. 

“If you’ll recall the Minister was a former Terra Prime member.” T’Pol mutters. “I wasn’t going to let him look at my child much less hold her.” 

“I don’t disagree.” Trip chuckles. “It was kinda funny though.” 

Trip moves over to sit in one of the chairs and T’Pol, deciding to give Elizabeth space to sleep, does the same. They’re quiet for a few minutes and when T’Pol looks over at Trip again he’s fallen asleep in the chair, at least one of them is able too. T’Pol feels certain she’ll be up the rest of the night, not that it’s very long. Looking over at the clock she sees it’s just past 5 am, the Captain will be up within the next hour and she should send word to him about what happened when he does wake. 

“Commander?” Dr. Cutler asks, pulling back the curtain. “I thought you might like some tea.” She holds out a cup of chamomile tea for T’Pol. 

“Thank you Doctor.” T’Pol says quietly, taking the tea. 

“I know how worrying it is when they’re sick.” Dr. Cutler says softly. “But I can’t even imagine if one of mine was this sick.” 

“You have children?” T’Pol asks. 

“Three of them, two boys and a girl.” Dr. Cutler says. “They’re on Denobula with the rest of the family.” 

“You must miss them terribly.” T’Pol says politely, she hadn’t been aware thatthe two doctors were married, or that they had children. 

“I do, I talk to them every day, but it’s not the same.” She smiles. 

“No I imagine it isn’t.” T’Pol nods. 

“Do you need anything else? A blanket?” Dr. Cutler asks. 

“No thank you.” T’Pol assures. “But the Captain should be informed of the situation as soon as possible.” 

“I’ll go talk to him myself at breakfast.” Dr. Cutler smiles, ducking back around the curtain. 

T’Pol sips the tea and sets the empty cup on the table, sitting back in her chair she drifts off into a restless sleep. 


	25. Minutes Add Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKay so the last couple weeks have been very very insane. Not really the good kind either but I won't go into that, but that has lead me to falling behind in posting so from here on out I'm going to do 2 chapters a week, Tuesdays and Fridays because that way I'll still finish posing before I have to leave for the US
> 
> Thank you for being so patient and as always I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!
> 
> -Galia

Chapter 25

_ “Time moves slow _ _   
_ _ When half of your heart has yet to come home _ _   
_ _ Every minute adds up _ _   
_ __ Leaving it’s mark on us” 

_ \- “West” by Sleeping At Last _

* * *

 

Trip wakes up a few hours after drifting off, the clock on the wall says 9 am, he rubs his eyes and looks at Lizzie. She’s still asleep on the bed, pale as ever. The IV bag is gone but the line remains in her hand. 

“Phlox?” Trip stands up and peeks around the curtain. 

“Ah you’re awake.” The Denobulan doctor says. 

“uh yeah, did Lizzie wake up at all last night?” Trip mutters sleepily. 

“No she didn’t, she’s been asleep since before you. She finished the bag of antibiotics but her temperature is still up there.” Phlox says. 

“Shouldn’t you give her more?” Trip asks. 

“No, we’ll get the blood work back soon – Dr. Cutler has gone to pick it up from the lab, and then we’ll know what course of action should be taken.” Phlox explains

“What do you think it’ll be?” Trip scratches the back of his neck. 

“Well obviously we hope for the best, something that we can fix with antibiotics.” Phlox says. “But really I have no way of knowing what it is without the blood work. Why don’t you wake Commander T’Pol, I assume she’ll want to be present when the results come in.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Trip nods, shuffling back to the seats, T’Pol is curled up in what must be a very uncomfortable position but she must be sleeping well and is snoring lightly.  “T’Pol.” Trip mutters, tapping her shoulder. “Come on get up.” 

T’Pol’s eyes open and she stretches, looking around briefly. “Has something happened?” 

“Not yet.” Trip says. “The blood work will be back soon though.” 

“What does that mean?” T’Pol asks, straightening up.

“It means we’ll know what’s goin’ on with Lizzie. Thought you might want to be awake.” Trip mutters sitting down in the other chair. 

“Thank you.” She mutters, adjusting her position and looking over at Elizabeth. “Has she been awake yet?” 

Trip shakes his head. “No, Phlox says she slept all night. Poor baby’s still got a fever, but she hasn’t been sick more.” 

“Should we wake her?” T’Pol asks, watching Elizabeth’s chest rise and fall. 

“Nah, let her sleep.” Trip sighs. “She needs it.” 

Elizabeth rolls over, coughing hard in her sleep for a minute before settling back down on her other side. 

“Should we be concerned about that?” T’Pol asks. 

“We should be concerned about everything.” Trip admits. “But if she doesn’t wake herself we don’t need to call the doctor early. He’ll probably give her something when he comes over with the blood work.” 

At that moment Dr. Phlox pulls back the curtain and steps into the room, and Trip doesn’t like his expression. “Good morning Commanders.” 

“What’s the news?” Trip asks. 

Phlox sighs and leans against the foot of Elizabeth’s bed, facing Trip and T’Pol. “I wish I could say, the blood work came back and it matches something in the Mehtevaian plant samples brought from the surface.” 

“What does that mean?” Trip frowns in confusion. 

“It means the virus originated on Mehtevas and wasn’t eradicated properly.” Phlox explains. “I’ll know more in a few days after I’ve run further tests.” 

“A-a few days?” Trip gulps, he can feel the color draining from his face. “Will she be okay? Will she live?” 

“I don’t know.” Phlox admits. “For the moment all we can do is treat her symptoms, give her support and hope she’s strong enough to get through it.”

Trip looks over to where his little girl sleeps, she coughs again and flops over onto her back, letting out an uncomfortable whimper. He doesn’t want to believe what he’s hearing.

“You’ve always been able to fix her before.” He mumbles. 

“And there’s no reason to believe I can’t fix her this time.” Phlox says. “But the fact is we don’t know right now. If we can treat the symptoms and the illness passes then it’s likely nothing to worry about, but if treating the symptoms does little we don’t know where the disease will go next since we know nothing about it.” 

“W-where to we start?” Trip asks. 

“We need to bring her fever down, and try to get her to eat something, if she can keep food down then we don’t have to worry about dehydration as much.” Phlox says. “I’m going to start her on more antibiotics but if you’d like to get her cleaned up a little you should do that now before the IV goes in.” 

Trip nods. “Thanks doc.” 

Phlox exits through the curtains and leaves the three of them alone again. T’Pol is staring intently at Elizabeth and looks somewhat shell shocked. 

“You okay?” He asks. 

“Dr. Phlox has no idea what he’s dealing with.” T’Pol says. 

“No he doesn’t, but he’s been able to help her before,” Trip assures

T’Pol is right to be worried however, every other time Phlox has had to pull Elizabeth back from the brink he’s known what he was dealing with. The flu, pneumonia, chickenpox, all common but very deadly in those with weak immune systems and Phlox had brought her back from every one of them. Had they been on Earth she likely would’ve died from one of them years ago, germs can survive in the vacuum of space but there’s far less of them then there is anywhere on Earth.

“Trip?” Captain Archer’s voice calls from around the curtain. 

“Come on in sir.” Trip says. 

“T’Pol sent word that Elizabeth was sick.” Captain Archer says, pulling the curtain back and stepping into the small space. 

“You did?” Trip asks, frowning at T’Pol, he hadn’t even thought about telling the Captain. 

“Yes, this morning before I fell asleep. I asked Dr. Cutler to send someone when you were at breakfast.” She nods to the Captain. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Captain Archer asks quietly. 

Trip shrugs. “Somethin’ wasn’t properly decontaminated when comin’ back from Mehtevas, carried somethin’ up and made her sick. Phlox ain’t sure what exactly it is yet…” 

“You’re both going to stay with her?” Captain Archer asks. 

“We’d like to sir.” Trip nods. 

“You certainly can, I’ll have Lieutenant’s Hess and Borichenko take your places until she’s better.” Captain Archer nods. “Phlox’ll be able to fix it.” 

“Yeah.” Trip mutters, but he isn’t very sure. 

After the Captain leaves he turns to T’Pol, she’s tucking the blanket around Elizabeth a little more. “I know we have to wake her but she seems uncomfortable.” T’Pol says quietly. 

“Probably is, has a fever and can’t stop coughing.” Trip nods. “Do you mind stayin’ with her a moment? I’m gonna go change and bring her toothbrush, hairbrush and some new clothes.” 

“Of course.” T’Pol says. “Would you stop in my quarters, I have a copy of the Kirshara on the night stand, and the IDIC in the drawer.” 

“’Course” Trip nods, he bends over and kisses Elizabeth on the forehead. “I’ll be right back baby girl.” 

 

* * *

 

T’Pol watches the curtain swing closed after Trip’s departure, she hasn’t been alone with her child while she was sick in 7 years – it’s been a week of firsts and she’s not really been enjoying this one. She sits back in her chair and watches the little girl sleep restlessly, she must be very uncomfortable, her cheeks are flushed green and she keeps whimpering in her sleep. 

Elizabeth’s sleep doesn’t last much longer though and Trip hasn’t even been gone five minutes when she opens her eyes and whimpers. “Where’s Daddy?” She whines. 

“Your father has gone to get a change of pajamas and some hygiene products for you, he’ll be back soon.” T’Pol assures, moving from her chair to sit on the edge of the bed.  “How are you feeling?” 

“Hot.” Elizabeth mumbles, kicking off the blankets. “And my throat and tummy hurt.” 

“Would you like something to drink?” T’Pol says, starting to pull the blankets up around Elizabeth again. 

“Stop it!” Elizabeth whines. “I don’t want the blankets!” 

T’Pol hesitates a moment, but decides this isn’t the battle she wants to have with her daughter and sets the blankets down. “Would you like something to drink?” T’Pol repeats. “Tea to help your throat?” 

“Water.” Elizabeth mumbles. 

“I’ll be right back.” T’Pol gets up and goes over to the sink and fills a paper cup with cool water. 

“Is Elizabeth awake?” Dr. Cutler asks. 

“Yes, she’s quite uncomfortable, she’s requested water.” T’pol says, holding up the cup. 

“I’ll get Phlox, he’ll want her to eat something and she needs another IV.” Dr. Cutler says. 

“Perhaps Plomeek broth, it’s easy on the stomach and contains nutrients she likely lost while vomiting last night.” T’Pol suggests. 

“I’ll run it by him.” Dr. Cutler nods. 

T’Pol returns to Elizabeth’s bedside and hands her the paper cup of water, she drinks it and lays back down in the bed. 

“When will daddy be back?” She mumbles, rubbing her face against the stuffed puppy and looking sadly up at T’Pol. 

“As soon as he can I’m sure.” T’Pol says. “Dr. Phlox wants to give you another IV, it should help you feel better.” 

“Nothing helps me feel better.” Elizabeth mutters. “Will it hurt?” 

“I don’t know.” T’Pol says honestly. “But I’ll be with you th entire time.” 

“I want Daddy to be with me.” Elizabeth scowls. 

“We’ll see if the Doctor will wait until he gets back.” T’Pol nods. 

Phlox comes around the curtain holding a new IV line and a bag of fluids. “Hello Elizabeth, did you sleep well.” 

“No, I had a bad dream.” Elizabeth mutters. “Are you gonna have to put a new IV line in?” 

“Yes I’m sorry to say we are.” Dr. Phlox nods. “But it won’t take very long if you hold very still and let me do it quickly.” 

“Can we wait until Daddy gets back so I can sit on his lap?” Elizabeth asks, trying to push herself back into the pillows. T’Pol doesn’t like to see her so afraid and has to suppress the instinctive desire to side with her, she knows the IV should be given sooner rather then later. 

“No Elizabeth we can’t, we need to get this medicine in you as soon as we can.” Dr. Phlox says. “But I’m sure your mother will let you sit on her lap, won’t you T’Pol?” 

T’Pol looks at the Doctor and then at her daughter, she wasn’t so sure about that. “I… I suppose yes, you’re welcome to sit with me Elizabeth.” She tries to keep her voice as gentle as she can. 

Elizabeth watches her for a moment as though trying to decide if she’s going to comply or throw a fit. “I guess… We really can’t wait for Daddy? We always did before…” 

“You were littler then.” Phlox says. “You’re almost nine years old and your mother is present, you can sit on her lap, now take a seat and give me your arm.” 

T’Pol moves back on the bed and crosses her legs, Elizabeth slides anxiously into her lap and sits against her chest. “Hold me,” She demands, then as an after thought adds; “Please?”

T’Pol puts her arms gingerly around the little girl. Her body is much tinier and more frail then she’d have thought, at least it feels that way. Her skin is worryingly hot underneath the hospital gown and it makes T’Pol wonder just how high her fever has climbed. As Phlox takes her arm and starts to prepare her hand to take the IV Elizabeth squirms back against T’Pol’s back as though trying to disappear inside her.

“ _ It’s okay Elizabeth.”  _ T’Pol whispers.  _ “You need to calm down and it will be over soon. _ ” 

“Wh-what?” Elizabeth whimpers, she looks back at T’Pol, and is distracted by the Vulcan speech long enough for Phlox to quickly get the IV in. “Ow!” She yelps, looking back at Phlox. “You didn’t count to three!” 

“You didn’t need me to.” Phlox smiles. “See you were just fine with your mother, now how about something to eat?” 

“I don’t want to eat.” Elizabeth pouts, moving off of T’Pol’s lap and back against her pillows.

“You have to at least try a little.” Phlox says, pressing the buttons to raise the bed into a seating position. 

“Fine.” Elizabeth mutters, Dr. Cutler comes around with a bowl of plomeek broth and sets it down in front of Elizabeth. 

“There you go Lizzie.” She smiles. 

“Thanks.” Elizabeth mutters, she eats a few bites  begrudgingly, but is quickly distracted by the return of her father. “Daddy you’re back!” 

“Course I am princess.” Trip smiles. “You okay?” 

“I had to get an IV and sit on T’Pol’s lap ‘cause you weren’t there.” She pouts. 

“Did you?” Trip looks over at T’Pol for a second. “Well I’m sorry princess, I had to go change and get you some new clothes and a hair brush. How you feelin’?” 

“Phlox says I still have a fever.” Elizabeth pouts. “And my throat and tummy hurt. Also I have to pee.” 

“Well how about Dr, Cutler takes you pee while I talk to T’Pol for a second?” Trip suggest. 

“I guess…” Elizabeth puts the bowl of soup on the nightstand, her hands shaking as she does so. Dr Cutler helps her out of bed and leads her off towards the bathroom, rolling the IV pole along with them. 

“She do okay with the IV?” Trip asks, sitting back down. 

“She made it very clear I was not her first choice.” T’Pol explains, moving from the bed to her chair again. “She wanted you there. Did you get what you needed?” 

“Yep.” Trip says, holding out the Kirshara and the IDIC to T’Pol. “Here’s your stuff.” 

“Thank you.” T’pol says, putting the Kirshara on the end table and hanging the IDIC on the bed, it’s the same one she hung on the incubator when Elizabeth was in the hospital as a baby. 

“No problem.” Trip says. “We’ll brush her hair and teeth when she gets back. She seems lively though.” 

“She’s exhausted still.” T’Pol says. “I can feel it, every little thing is taking it’s toll today.” 

Elizabeth’s return cuts their conversation short and Trip helps her back onto the bed asking; “Feel better darlin’” 

“Yes daddy.” She yawns, letting him tuck her back in. “I’m sleepy now.” 

“Well how about you let me braid your hair back so it’s out of your way and then you take a little nap?” Trip suggests. 

“Can T’Pol fix my hair?” Elizabeth asks, it catches T’Pol off guard and she looks up at her daughter. 

“um,” Trip says, obviously a little hurt by this unexpected request. “Do ya know how to braid T’Pol?” 

“I do yes.” T’Pol nods, Trip holds out the hair tie and hair brush to T’Pol and Elizabeth turns around so her back is facing T’Pol. 

“Not too tight.” Elizabeth warns as T’Pol begins to brush out and separate her hair. T’Pol works quickly and ties the long braid off at the end a couple of minutes later. 

“There, finished.” T’Pol says, Elizabeth has started to doze off but jerks awake. 

“Thank you.” She mutters, laying back down and pulling the blankets up. “Daddy it’s cold…” She mutters before falling asleep.

Trip stands up and looks at T’Pol. “I uh – I’m gonna go get her another blanket, sit with her a minute?” 

“Certainly.” T’Pol says, sitting back in her chair. She hadn’t expected Elizabeth’s request but it leaves her with a strange feeling in her stomach, hope. Hope that Elizabeth will get over this, hope that she can be a real mother again and hope that she and Trip can work something out for Elizabeth’s benefit. She reaches over and picks up the Kirshara, disappearing into Surak’s words and trying to distract herself from the other nagging feeling – worry. 


	26. Nature is So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here we are, chapter 26! Only 4 more chapters left until the final climax so I will be posting 4 times in the next 11 days.
> 
> In other news it's my birthday and it would be awesome if y'all would leave a review telling me your thoughts on the chapter it would be really awesome!
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 26

_ “And I hope that you’ll know _ _   
_ _ That nature is so _ _   
_ _ This same rain that draws you near me _ _   
_ _ Falls on rivers and land _ _   
_ _ And forests and sand _ _   
_ _ Makes the beautiful world that you see _ _   
_ __ In the morning

_ Everything’s fine in the morning _ _   
_ _ The rain will be gone in the morning _ _   
_ _ But I’ll still be here in the morning.” _ _   
_ __ -”Lullaby For A Stormy Night” by Vienna Teng

* * *

 

It was nearly noon before T’Pol finally went to get dressed and shower, leaving Trip next to Elizabeth. Since Elizabeth fell asleep at 9 that morning she hasn’t woken. Her condition doesn’t appear to have gotten any better, but it doesn’t seem to be getting any worse. Phlox was able to stop her fever at 39 degrees, high but given that her temperature usually floated around 37.7 it wasn’t as bad as it would’ve been if she was a human child. Unfortunately her fever hasn’t come down any either, she stays dangerously floating near the seizure line. 

Trip reaches over and picks up T’Pol’s book, it’s in Vulcan so he can’t read it. He reaches out to put it back when he hears it. 

“Daddy?” Elizabeth's voice is very quiet and weak. 

“Yeah Princess?” Trip asks, sitting on the edge of her bed and smoothing out her blankets. 

“What time is it?” She mutters, her blue eyes blinking sleepily up at him. 

“12:05 in the afternoon.” He answers. “You want somethin’? Food? Water? The bathroom?” 

“No.” She reaches out and frowns. “Where’s puppy?” He reaches onto the floor where it’s fallen and hands it to her. “Thanks daddy. Can Miss Hoshi come see me?” 

“We’ll have to ask Phlox.” Trip says. “But I’ll go talk to him about that and I’m sure Captain Archer will be able to let her come see you for a while.” 

“Can you go ask now? And can I have more blankets?” She mutters. 

“More blankets?” He frowns. 

“I’m cold…” She mutters. 

“Okay baby girl, I’ll be right back.” He kisses her forehead and slips out of the small hospital room.  “Hey Doc?” 

Phlox turns around. “Yes Commander?” 

“Lizzie’s awake.” Trip says. “She’s wantin’ more blankets and for Hoshi to come visit her.” 

“She can certainly have both of those things, go ask about Lieutenant Sato, I’ll take the blankets to her.” Phlox says. 

Trip goes over to the Comm system.  “Tucker to the bridge.” 

“Go ahead Trip.” Captain Archer’s voice clicks on. “How’s our favorite Lizzie doing?” 

“She’s awake.” Trip says. “Wants Hoshi to come see her, can you spare her for half an hour?” 

“Course I can.” Captain Archer says. “Expect her in five minutes. Archer out.” 

Trip turns and goes back into Lizzie’s room, Phlox is taking her vitals again and she’s crying. “What’s wrong baby?” 

“He made me get out of bed.” She whimpers, climbing into his lap as he sits down on the edge of the bed. 

“Well baby girl you have to get your vitals checked.” Trip kisses her hair and wraps his arms around her. 

“Hold her still Commander.” Phlox warns. 

“Sorry.” Trip mutters. “Miss Hoshi’s comin’ to see you.” 

“Really?” Elizabeth asks hopefully. 

“Really.” Trip says, putting Elizabeth in bed again and sitting in his chair. 

“You’re awake?” T’Pol says as she slips back into the room. “How are you feeling?” 

Elizabeth frowns at T’Pol and looks nervously at Trip. “Daddy...” 

“What is it pumpkin?” Trip asks, glancing at T’Pol. “Somethin’ wrong.” 

Elizabeth studies T’Pol, after a minute recognition comes over her face. “Oh… um, I’m cold still.” 

“Well I’m sure Phlox will get you another blanket.” T’Pol looks up at Phlox. 

“Of course I will.” Phlox smiles, leaving the little family to sit by themselves for a few moments. 

Hoshi arrives a few minutes later and T’Pol pulls Trip outside the curtains for a moment, her hazel eyes betraying some of her concern. 

“What’s up?” Trip asks. 

“Why didn’t she recognize me?” T’Pol asks. 

“Probably because you’ve only been in her life 48 hours – if that – and she’s a very sick little girl. Besides I think she was just confused as to why you were here in the first place.” Trip shrugs. “She might’ve expected you’d stay gone since you weren’t here when she woke up.” 

“No Trip.” T’Pol says firmly. “She had no idea who I was, it was only for a second but I know she didn’t recognize me. Eventually she did but not as quickly as she should’ve.” 

“Why does it matter?” Trip shrugs. “If it had been something that we had to be concerned about Phlox would’ve said something.” 

T’Pol purses her lips slightly. “I suppose he would’ve but I still don’t think it was a good thing, I think it’s a bad sign.” 

Trip rolls his eyes. “If it was a bad sign it’s pretty low down on the list of bad things in Lizzie’s life right now okay? Look she’ll be fine, she just needs time to recover.” 

“I suppose.” T’Pol’s tone is flat but he can sense it’s more of a begrudging compliance then an agreement. Whatever, let her have her cynicism, he didn’t need anymore of it and he wasn’t going to listen to it from her. He knew full well what could happen to their daughter and he refused to upset himself any further over something that had lasted a fraction of a second. 

“Trip?” Hoshi peeks her head around the curtain. “She’s asleep again, should I go?” 

“Again?” Trip frowns, peering around to see his daughter was indeed asleep. “You can if you want but you’re welcome to stay.” 

“As much as I want to stay I need to get back.” Hoshi says. “Mind if I stop by tonight after shift ends?” 

“Not at all, she’ll be happy to see ya.” Trip smiles at her. 

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” Hoshi smiles, slipping past him and T’Pol and exiting sick bay quietly. Trip and T’Pol both return to their seats next to their daughter. 

When Hoshi returns after her shift Elizabeth still hasn’t woken, she doesn’t wake at all until nearly 8pm. When she does she’s whimpering and upset. 

“What’s wrong baby girl?” Trip asks, gesturing for T’Pol to get the doctor.

“I-I had a dream.” She mutters. 

“A bad one?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” She mutters, rubbing her eyes and hugging her stuffed puppy. “I’m hungry.” 

“Hungry?” Trip asks as T’Pol returns with Phlox. “What do you think Doc can she eat?” 

“Of course you can.” Phlox smiles. “I’ll have Dr. Cutler prepare you some soup, she’ll be happy to see you eating again.” 

He steps out and T’Pol sits back down, Trip looks over at her, trying to communicate to her that she’d been worrying for nothing. Eating was a good sign, she quirks her eyebrow at him, apparently she’s received his message and doesn’t have the same faith that he does. 

Eating may have been a good sign but the inability to keep the bit of broth down was not, barely five minutes after finishing it the bowl of soup is vomited back up onto her bed and herself. She blinks up at Trip with watery eyes. 

“Daddy…” 

“It’s okay princess.” Trip promises, ignoring the putrid smell of vomit to kiss her hair comfortingly. “I’ll go get you some new clothes, Dr. Cutler will get you new sheets and how about T’Pol gets ya cleaned up?” 

Elizabeth looks warily at T’Pol but nods. “…Okay… but, hurry, please daddy I want you here.” 

“I will princess.” Trip promises. 

 

* * *

 

T’Pol isn’t so sure about the  getting cleaned up part, the closest to a bath that they have in sick bay is the deep metal industrial sink. Liz Cutler shows her where it is, wheels Elizabeth in with a wheel chair and leaves her to get on with it while she changes the sheets. 

“Left one, hot.” Elizabeth mutters. T’Pol nods and reaches for the left faucet and the sink plug. 

It takes the better part of five minutes for the sink to fill to an appropriate level and reach an appropriate temperature. After which T’Pol has to locate the soap, all they have is surgical soap but it’s better than nothing, she sets it on the rim of the sink and turns to Elizabeth. 

“Do you require help undressing?” She asks. 

“Uh-huh.” Elizabeth nods.

“Okay,” T’Pol says, more to herself then Elizabeth. 

Trying to ignore the acrid smell of the vomit she starts to peel Elizabeth’s clothes. Trying to get them off without smearing vomit all through her hair is made even more difficult by the fact that T’Pol herself is barely able to keep from gagging from the smell. Her Vulcan senses aren’t serving her very well at the moment. She manages it and lifts Elizabeth into the bath gently. 

“Is the temperature fine?” She asks, Elizabeth doesn’t speak, but leans over the edge of the sink and vomits again, then gives her a very weak thumbs up, tears filling her blue eyes. 

It crosses T’Pol’s mind that  _ she  _ ought to have offered to get Elizabeth more clothing and left Trip to do the bathing, but it’s too late now. She reaches for a bowl next to she sink and pours several bowlfuls of water over Elizabeth’s hair to wet it. Having pulled the braids out earlier Elizabeth’s hair is badly tangled and T’Pol tries to work some of the knots out as she washes it. 

“Can you sing?” Elizabeth says hoarsely. 

“Why?” T’Pol asks. 

“I want you to sing.” 

“Alright, but answer a question for me first.” T’Pol says. 

“What question?” Elizabeth mumbles. 

“Elizabeth, what’s my name?” T’Pol asks. Elizabeth rolls her eyes to look at T’Pol as if to say  _ ‘seriously?’  _ but there’s a subtle hint of confusion there too. “Elizabeth?” 

“um…” She mumbles. “T’Pau? No, no you’re T’Pol right?” 

“Yes I’m T’Pol.” 

“See, now sing please.” Elizabeth demands quietly.

T’Pol raises her eyebrows and begins quietly. “ _ Little child, be not afraid…”  _

She gets through the entire song twice before she's able to lift Elizabeth out of the sink and wrap her in a towel, The girl is shivering so badly that T’Pol decides to carry her back rather than leave her in the cold wheelchair for the journey across sick bay. She comes out of the bathroom and is immediately stopped by Dr. Phlox. 

“T’Pol, what are you doing?” Phlox asks. 

“Taking her back to bed.” T’Pol says.

“Her father returned with her clothes a mintues ago! Why didn’t you ask for a robe?” Phlox says, pulling one from a drawer and hastily wrapping Elizabeth in it and taking the wet towel. “She doesn’t need to be any colder than she already is. 

“My apologies.” T’Pol says quietly. “I was unaware that I was supposed to ask for something. 

Phlox hands Elizabeth – who doesn’t seem at all bothered by the manhandling – back to T’Pol. “Well now you know, take her back to her father and get her into bed, I’m preparing another IV.” 

“You may want to clean up the bathroom as well.” T’Pol says. “She was ill again.” 

“Very well, just get her dressed!” Phlox snaps. 

T’Pol carries her the rest of the way behind the curtains and finds Trip helping to remake her bed, she hands Elizabeth over and Trip dresses her quickly, tucking her back into bed where she falls asleep before Phlox can come into insert the IV. Before he inserts it he scans her and checks her vitals, a frown crossing his face. 

“What’s wrong?” Trip asks. 

“Her fever,” Phlox says. “It’s risen again.” 

“What? I thought it was stable!” Trip snaps. 

“So did I, evidently between her being sick and her bath it’s started to rise again, her blood pressure has plummeted too…” Phlox frowns. “The illness appears to be progressing.” 

“Progressing?” T’Pol asks, her mouth suddenly dry. “What does that mean?” 

“That means I need a rush on that blood work and I’ll be increasing her antibiotics.” Phlox says picking up the IV bag and turning to leave. 

“Wait,” Trip says. “what’s the risk of seizure or stroke?”  

“Seizure is higher but stroke is worse.” Phlox says, I need to get her temperature down and blood pressure up, I’ll be right back.” 

He rushes from the room leaving the two of them to stand over their little girl and look at each other. Trip opens his mouth a couple of times before he finally says something to her. 

“What was she like during her bath?” He whispers. 

“Quiet.” T’Pol says. “She didn’t really want me to do it but she didn’t want to be filthy either.” 

“Did she play? Sing? Anything?” Trip licks his lips nervously. 

“No, she asked me to sing to her but she was… lethargic.” T’Pol says, reaching down to brush a strand of damp hair out of Elizabeth’s eyes. 

“Lethargic? More so then she was this morning?” Trip asks. 

“Yes, far worse then she was this morning.” T’Pol nods. “She didn’t remember my name either.” 

“How do you know that.” Trip frowns. 

“I asked, before I would sing to her I asked her.” T’Pol says. “She said T’Pau first, thought for a moment and then said T’Pol, but she wasn’t sure.” 

“Look, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t interrogate my daughter while she’s this sick.” Trip snaps. “She’s got enough going on.” 

“I didn’t interrogate her,” T’Pol says. “I just asked. And she didn’t know. I think we should mention it to Phlox.” 

“Mention what hm?” Phlox asks, returning with a different bag of fluids and antibiotics, he takes her hand and begins to prepare it for the IV line. 

“Elizabeth didn’t know my name.” T’Pol says. “She’s been told my name, she knew it yesterday afternoon, but when I asked in the bath she didn’t know it.” 

“She didn’t?” Phlox frowns. “Well that could be due to the fever, confusion from vomiting, low blood pressure…” 

“Is it normal?” T’Pol asks. 

“Not… not exactly but we don’t know the cause of this illness or all the symptoms.” Phlox sighs, inserting the needle expertly, Elizabeth doesn’t even flinch. “It could be well within the range of normal for this disease, we can’t say anything definitively right now.”

“What can we do?” T’Pol asks. 

“We can sit and wait.” Phlox says. 

“Wait?” Trip frowns. “That’s it?!” 

“We’ll keep trying antibiotics but I can’t start work on a cure until the lab results come back, likely sometime tomorrow, once I have the full genetic makeup of the pathogen I can begin to work on a cure.” Phlox explains. 

“Will she make it that long?” Trip frowns. 

“I don’t know…” Phlox says. “Not if we can’t get her blood pressure up and the fever to stop climbing. I’m doing my best Commander, but for now just let her rest, let me know if she wakes up, I’ll be by in an hour to check her vitals again.” 


	27. Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here we are, 27. Let me start with saying I don't really think I nailed Phlox's characterization but I did my best. Second all temperatures are in Celsius, for a couple reasons, mostly because that's what is used in trek most of the time and that's what I use. Third I plan on updating on Sunday too because if I don't we won't get the climax of this fic before I leave for vacation.
> 
> Oh and fourth, I'm sorry and I know this isn't the end a lot were hoping for (though there are still three chapters left) but I really hope you stick this fic out until the end.
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 27 

_ Four walls and a door; we used to call home _ _   
_ _ The rest of our lives, but not enough time, 'til we're both alone _ _   
_ _ I try to steady my hands _ _   
_ _ You hurt to know why _ _   
_ _ I open my mouth and just trip over sounds _ _   
_ _ But my eyes speak goodbye _ _   
_ __ The silence tells us all we need to know 

 

  * __“Silence” By As It Is__



* * *

 

 

Night sets in over the three of them and as it does Lizzie’s fever continues to climb. She’s getting dangerously close to the seizure line now.  Around 9 she wakes again and asks that Trip come sit next to her so she can sleep again. Trip remains next to her as she drifts off into an uneasy sleep, and around 10:30 Phlox comes to check on her again. 

“She was up for a little bit.” Trip whispers. “Asked for me to hold her.” 

Phlox holds the tricorder and frowns. “Her fever has risen 0.5 degrees. What we were doing is no longer working.” 

“Wh-what does that mean?” Trip swallows, looking over at his daughter.

“Well, we have to find another way to bring this down.” Phlox’s tone doesn’t sound very optimistic. “Did she recognize the both of you when she woke?” 

“She didn’t say anythin’ to T’Pol.” Trip says. “Just asked that I come snuggle her, seemed to know who I was. Why?” 

“Because by all accounts she should be completely delirious, frankly if she were a human child she’d have started having seizures by now.” Phlox says. “The Vulcan physiology likely accounts for her tolerance of higher temperatures.” 

“H-how high can a Vulcan go?” Trip asks. 

“44 degrees before degrees before death can occur, in humans it’s closer to 42.” Phlox explains. “But she’s still a little girl, we need to get this fever down. I’ll be back with more antibiotics.” He shuffles out of the room and Trip looks over at T’Pol. He’s never seen her so pale. 

“That true?” He asks. “Can Vulcans really tolerate up to 44 degrees?”

“Yes.” She nods. “My natural body temperature is closer to the human seizure line, 38.8, I’m not sure what Elizabeth’s is, but if her brain has developed as a Vulcan brain then she should be alright for another degree or so.” 

“37.7.” Trip says quietly, looking down at his daughter’s sleeping face. “Her temperature is usually somewhere around 37.7.” 

T’Pol nods quietly, still watching Elizabeth worriedly. “Does this happen often?” 

“No.” Trip admits. “She usually doesn’t get this high. She hasn’t been this high since she was a baby, when we brought her home remember?” 

“Yes.” T’Pol says. 

The two sit in silence for another hour before T’Pol mutters something about meditating and he starts to doze. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep but before he knows it he’s been sucked into a dream, or what he thinks is a dream. 

He looks around, it’s his quarters, but nothing of Elizabeth’s is there, the door leading to her room is open closed but appears to be little more than a storage closet,and a picture of his sister is on the night stand. This room appears pre-Elizabeth, as T’Pol would remember it. He looks around and see’s T’Pol crying on the bed, he’s not dreaming at all, he’s been sucked into her meditative world. She wasn’t crying out in the real world was she? He doesn’t think she was.

T’Pol looks at him, tears streaming down her face, she doesn’t seem surprised to see him, she looks like she’s waiting for him to say something. He crosses the room and sits down on the bed.

“You ain’t cryin’ out there.” He says quietly, reaching for her hand. She looks up at him and withdraws it to wipe her eyes. 

“M-Meditation is an emotional release.” T’Pol whispers. 

“S-so you want to cry?” Trip asks. “but you can’t?” 

“I cannot allow such a lapse in emotional control.” T’Pol nods. “My daughter is dying, of course I feel like this, even Vulcans have emotions.” 

“W-we don’t know that she’s dyin’.” Trip swallows. “Don’t talk like she is.” 

T’Pol’s hazel eyes look up at him sadly. “Listen, Trip.” 

“To what?” He frowns. “I don’t hear anything except you.” 

“Trip, very quietly, listen and put your ear to that door.” T’Pol sniffles pointing to the door which in the real world concealed Elizabeth’s room. 

Trip crosses his quarters and puts his ear to the door. A soft, slow, whispering could be heard, he puts his hand on the handle and jumps. “It’s hot.” 

T’Pol nods. “Th-that’s Elizabeth, 36 hours ago you could open the door, she doesn’t yet meditate b-but you could hear her dreams.” 

“Why can’t we hear them now?” Trip asks, a lump rising in his throat as he goes to sit back down next to T’Pol. “I-I think she’d still be dreamin’ right?” 

T’Pol shakes her head. “She’s not dreaming because the fever is climbing too high, she’s – she’s dying Trip and there’s nothing I can do. Nothing you can do. I-I doubt if Phlox can do something at this point.” 

“L-Listen,” Trip snaps, tears welling up in his eyes. “Y-you don’t – you just –“ 

“Trip.” T’Pol reaches out and takes his hand, he lets out a sob. 

“N-No she –“ It’s no use he starts to shake and sob, she pulls him against her and he collapses against her chest, sobbing inconsolably. 

He jerks awake with a choked sob, surprised to find tears rolling down his face, he’s breathing hard and he looks over at T’Pol. Outwardly she’s fine, but he can tell she’s still sobbing somewhere deep inside her, he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and looks at it. 

“Human’s aren’t - aren’t so adept at keeping their emotion confined to meditation.” T’Pol whispers.

“Oh.” He mutters, wiping his eyes again and looking over at Elizabeth. “Maybe we should-“ 

Elizabeth opens her eyes a little bit and groans. “Momma…” 

 

* * *

 

T’Pol’s head snaps over to look at her daughter, Elizabeth’s eyes are glassy, seemingly delirious. “Momma…” 

“Elizabeth.” T’Pol says stiffly. 

“Momma…” She mutters, opening her eyes a little more only for them to roll backwards in her head as she starts to shake. 

“Fuck.” Trip whispers, he turns and shouts; “Phlox! Phlox! Get over here!” 

T’Pol opens her mouth to call out as Trip has but nothing more than a strangled sound comes out. Her daughter is convulsing on the bed and she knows it’s the end, or close to it at least. Her daughter’s tiny body has endured so much, she can't handle much more. 

Phlox rushes over to the bed and holds up the tricorder. “We’ll have to let the seizure finish on it’s own.” He says quietly. 

“Wh-what?!” Trip snaps. 

“Commander,” Phlox says quietly. “Her fever is 44.5 degrees, even if it was lower I cannot stop a seizure.” T’Pol reaches out to touch Elizabeth but Phlox stops her. “Dr. Cutler! Come help me move the patient onto her side.” 

Liz Cutler rushes around the corner and over to the other side of the bed, a rod of plastic in one hand. The two of them roll Elizabeth onto her side but still the seizure continues, it continues for ten long minutes, and when it finally comes to an end Elizabeth is left lying on the bed, frighteningly limp. Trip rushes over to her and pushes her hair back, still sobbing. 

“Lizzie-bug?” He sobs. “Lizzie-bug, i-it’s Daddy. Wh-what – is she?” Phlox looks up from the tricorder and over at him and T’Pol. “Sh-she ain’t dead. I-I can –“ He puts his head to her abdomen. “I-I can hear her heart, that-that’s good right?” 

“Commander,” Phlox says quietly. “She’s not dead, yet.”

“Yet?” T’Pol asks

“Without life support she’ll last perhaps another half an hour.” Phlox says. “There is nothing we can do.” 

“You can’t - can’t synthesize a cure o-or something?” Trip sobs, tears rolling down his face. “Wh-what about life support? What are her chances on that?” 

“There isn’t time to synthesize a cure Commander…” Phlox says. “I don’t even know what it is that’s killed her yet.” 

“And life support?” T’Pol asks. “Y-You’ve brought people back from that before. I-In the expanse you -” 

“That was different, then all I needed was a slice of the brain and what I did was technically illegal.” Phlox says, tears are welling in his eyes now as well. “I-If we put her on life support all it will do is keep her alive, the chances of he waking up from it are minute” 

“You don’t know that!” Trip snaps. 

“I do know that.” Phlox whispers. “ She’s always been very fragile, the risk for secondary infection is simply too high in a child like her. Pneumonia, sepsis, any number of things could happen.”

“Wh-what would you do?” T’Pol snaps  “If she was your child, what would you do?” 

“I’m sorry Commanders, but this is one decision that you have to make for yourselves.” Phlox says. 

“What about pain?” Trip whispers, his voice ragged. “Would she be able to feel pain?”

“Frankly I have no idea, there’s no definitive proof that she would but there’s no definitive proof that she wouldn’t.” Phlox says. “I’ll leave the two of you to make your decision, but I will need an answer within the next five minutes.” He slips out of the small curtained room and T’Pol sinks into a chair, tears that she doesn’t bother to suppress rolling silently down her face. 

“W-we can’t let her die.” T’Pol whispers. 

“We can’t let her suffer.” Trip sniffles, looking over at her. “After everything she’s been through in her  life we can’t let her suffer.” T’Pol doesn’t want to agree with him but when it comes down to it Elizabeth is his daughter too and he’s done more of the caregiving then she has. “T’Pol, please, just this once, don’t let anything get in the way of doin’ right by her.” 

“Tell Phlox we’ve made our decision.” T’Pol whispers. “I-I can’t allow her to suffer...” 

Trip nods. “D-doctor?” He calls

Phlox must’ve been just outside the curtain because he’s back in the little room very quickly. “Yes?” 

“We can’t do life support. We can’t let her suffer longer then she has to.” Trip whispers, holding Elizabeth close. 

“I can get you both the proper papers to sign.” Phlox nods, slipping out of the room for a moment. 

Five minutes later T’Pol is sure she’s done the hardest thing she’ll ever have to do, signed the “Do Not Resuscitate” order for her little girl. 

“Come here.” Trip whispers, patting to the other side of the bed. 

T’Pol climbs on gently and kisses Elizabeth’s hair, very careful when she moves her arm onto her lap. The two of them sit there in silence, Phlox standing at the end of the bed, monitoring her vitals and clearly trying not to cry himself. 

At 2:32 am T’Pol feels Elizabeth’s heart stop and lets out a sob.

“She’s gone.” Phlox whispers quietly as the noise of the monitor turns to one long tone.

“I-I’m not leavin’!” Trip snaps, pulling her body onto his lap and pressing his face against her hair. 

“Commander…” Phlox says. 

T’Pol puts her hand on Elizabeth’s and leans against her, blocking out the rest of the conversation between the doctor and Trip. “I’m sorry. I-I should’ve been a better mother.” She whispers “You deserved someone who could - who could take care of you.” Tears are rolling silently down her face. She leans against her daughter and closes her eyes, pleading for the bond they once held to return, for Elizabeth to come back. 

All she hears are Trip’s sobs. 


	28. Come Back To Earth Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I did not intend to go this long between updates but things happen and I have't been in the best place mentally the last several weeks and between jetlag and my extended family and my deteriorating mental health I have not had the time or energy to update. I am back in Korea though and will be able to start updating again, I'm hoping to get this fic finished publishing this week so I can continue ahead with the "Atlas Year One" updates too. 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me, any reviews would be much appreciated
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 28 

 

_ “It's not your birthday _ _   
_ _ This isn't Mardi Gras either _ _   
_ _ Tomorrow's a work day _ _   
_ _ You've got a life and a spaceship to fly _ _   
_ _ You've got a good job and a beautiful yellow-haired daughter _ _   
_ _ Come back to earth, kid _ _   
_ __ You know that you can't chase the stars underwater”

 

 

  * __“Birthday Song” By Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness (Zombies on Broadway)__



 

* * *

 

18:45… 18:46… 18:47…

Trip is laying on the bed watching the minutes tick by, he hasn’t left this spot since he and T’Pol had to leave sickbay at 6 that morning so Phlox could do the autopsy. Walking away was harder than he ever imagined it would be, it’s as though there’s been a part of him taken away and he’s left looking at an empty hole he’ll never be able to fill. 

The door chimes, “Come in.” He mutters, expecting it to be T’Pol, she’d gone to her own quarters near tears and looking somewhat shell shocked.

“Trip,” Captain Archer says, coming around the corner and spotting him on the bed. “Phlox told me what happened.” 

“Took him long enough.” Trip mutter, wiping his eyes. 

“He told me this morning, but I thought you might need some time.” Captain Archer whispers. “I’m so sorry.” 

“You don’t know what it feels like.” Trip mutters

“I know, but Elizabeth’s loss has hurt us all.” Captain Archer comes and sits on the edge of the bed next to Trip. “I’ve spoken with Starfleet,  _ Enterprise  _ is going to return to Earth so she can have a proper burial.” 

Trip sniffles. “Thanks sir, I’d like t’ be able t’ bury her next to my baby sister.” He wipes his eyes. “You told T’Pol yet sir?” 

“Not yet, I’m speaking to her next, I don’t know what the two of you want to work out for Elizabeth but you might want to ask if she has any Vulcan traditions she wants to include.” Captain Archer says. 

“Yeah,” Trip mutters. “I suppose I should… Phlox say when the blood work would be back when you spoke to him this morning?” 

“No, he didn’t.” Captain Archer shook his head. “Why?”

“I’d like to know what killed her is all.” Trip sniffles, wiping his eyes again. “Phlox said she had some sort of virus from Methevas, but he wasn’t sure what kind or strain.” 

“I’m sure he’ll get back to you as soon as he knows something.” Captain Archer says quietly. 

“Yeah.” Trip mutters. “Guess you should go tell T’Pol…” He doesn’t much feel like talking and would like to go back to staring at the clock if he can, but thus far Captain Archer has showed no signs of any desire to move.” 

“You don’t want me to stick around huh?” Captain Archer asks. “I don’t mind if you need the company.” 

“No Thank you sir.” Trip shakes his head. “I’d like t’ be alone if that’s alright.” 

“Alright,” Captain Archer stands up. “Just promise me if you need anything you’ll give me or Hoshi a call.”   
“Yes sir.” Trip mutters, his gaze returning to the clock. 18:58… he feels Jon get up 18:59… he hears the door close 19:00… he’s sure he’s alone again and tears start to fall down his face again. 

 

He doesn’t realize he’s cried himself to sleep until he wakes up to the door chiming, The clock is flashing 20:17. He looks around and sits up, his face and head hurt from crying himself to sleep. 

“Come in.” He mutters, the door slides open and Phlox steps in. “Doctor,” He mutters. “The blood work come back?” 

“Yes,” Phlox says hesitantly. “The autopsy results as well…” 

“What is it Doc?” Trip asks, he has the feeling that whatever the Doctor is about to tell him is going to upset him even more.

“The virus that killed her,” Phlox says. “I’ve seen it before, in an earlier stage.” 

“Then why couldn’t you treat it?” Trip asks, his lip beginning to quiver. 

“In the early stages the virus is easily identifiable, but as it progresses and mutates it becomes harder to identify.” Phlox says. “But I know was able to source it.” 

“Wh-where’d she pick it up from?” Trip sniffles. 

“Do you recall when you, Commander T’Pol, and Lieutenants Sato and Mayweather went to Mehtevas?” Phlox asks. 

“Yeah, you said it was likely something that hadn’t been detected and got back to her.” Trip mutters. 

“I was partially correct.” Phlox says. “You’ll recall that Lieutenant Sato sent the plant samples through decon and T’Pol had to go through as well?” 

“Y-Yeah?” Trip asks, a lump forming in his throat. “D-did I carry somethin’ back?” 

“No, not you.” Phlox says gently. “I’d have detected the virus or you’d would’ve exhibited symptoms within the first week of being back.” 

“Th-then what was it?” Trip asks. 

“I sent T’Pol through decon because I detected the virus in the early stages on her.” Phlox explains. “She was coughing you recall,” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“She spent nearly an hour in decon, before I thought the virus had been eradicated, her cough had all but disappeared and I deemed her to be non contagious.” Phlox explained. “I followed the Interspecies Medical Protocol to determine this, and to some degree I was correct. She was not contagious to any healthy person. You for example could’ve spend all day with her,  and been fine, but Elizabeth was not a healthy person.” 

“A-are you sayin’ T’Pol is the reason my daughter is dead?” Trip asks. 

“No I am not saying that Commander.” Phlox sighs. “I’m saying I am. I should’ve realized that if Elizabeth was exposed to T’Pol for any length of time she could have contracted the virus and with her nearly non-existent immune system she wouldn’t have been able to fight it off like you or I. I should’ve realized this and kept T’Pol in decon. I’ve submitted myself for review by the Interspecies Medical Board.” 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Trip mutters. 

“I did,” Phlox says. “It would be unethical of me to continue practicing medicine after a mistake like this.” 

“Lizzie should never have had contact with T’Pol.” Trip says, anger boiling up inside of him. “She knew to stay away but she still went near enough to Elizabeth to give her this.” 

“Commander,” Phlox insists. “I don’t think you understand what I’m -” 

“I understand you just fine Doc.” Trip insists. “But I disagree. I told T’Pol to stay way. I told her comin’ near Lizzie would cause her more harm then good and she didn’t listen.” 

“Commander!” Phlox snaps. “We’re on a starship! It’s nearly impossible - where are you going?”

Trip isn’t listening, he’s pushed past Phlox and out the door of his quarters and is now running down the corridor towards T’Pol’s quarters. 

* * *

  
  


T’Pol is pulled out of her meditation to her door sliding open, she opens her eyes and Trip is standing over her. She stands up and looks at him. His eyes are puffy and red, his face is blotchy from crying and he looks angry. 

“T-Trip -” 

“Y-You did this.” Trip says quietly, a look of disgust spreading over his face. 

T’Pol’s heart sinks lower in her chest. “I-I didn’t -” 

“Did you get the results?” Trip snaps, she nods wordlessly, afraid of upsetting him further by trying to say anything. “Then you know.” 

“K-Know what? That the pathogen was not properly eradicated?” T’Pol says. “That Phlox followed a protocol of eradication that was not intended to be used around sick children?” 

“Shut up.” Trip growls. “You can try to blame this on Phlox all you want but you’re the one who gave it to her!” 

“I-I fail to see how it is -”   
“Save it.” Trip snaps. “I-if you had just stayed away like I’d told you before this all started this never woulda happened!” 

“Trip,” T’Pol says, swallowing nervously. “You’re upset, I-I’m upset, we just lost our child. I think -” 

“ _ My  _ child. I just lost  _ my  _ child.” Trip says. “You have no right to call her your child after what you did. I was right about you and I  _ knew  _ it. I knew all you’d bring me and Lizzie was trouble, that’s all you’ve ever brought us!” 

“I-I didn’t mean to do any harm.” T’Pol whimpers. 

“Funny how you never mean to do any harm but ya always do!” He shouts. “You didn’t mean any harm when you left, you didn’t mean any by coming back and yet here we are. She’s dead and it’s your fault!” 

They stare at each other a minute longer Trip’s breathing is heavy and punctured by sobs, his blue eyes are streaming tears. It’s not until she feels something wet on her shirt that she realizes she’s crying too. How had the two of them come to this? 

“The funeral’s in two weeks.” Trip mutters. “Florida, Panama City Southern Baptist church. If you want anything included send me a letter.” He turns on his heels and storms from her room, she sinks to the floor again and starts to sob. 

A few minutes later her door chimes. “C-come in.” She sniffles, not bothering to look up. A hand touches her shoulder, Captain Archer. “C-Captain.” She glances over at him. 

“I heard what happened with Trip.” Captain Archer says. 

“H-how?” She mutters. “It’s only just happened.” 

“Most of E Deck heard what happened with Trip.” Captain Archer frowns. “You okay?”

“He’s right.” T’Pol says quietly. “All I’ve ever done for him or Elizabeth was to cause them trouble.” 

“That doesn’t mean he can act like that.” Captain Archer says. “I’m going to have a word with him, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

“Don’t,” T’Pol shakes her head, wiping her eyes and finally turning to face him fully. “He’s a grieving human, a reaction like that is to be expected.” 

“Words said in anger are usually later regretted.” Captain Archer seems to be trying to reassure her. 

“And they’re rarely lies.” T’Pol whispers. “He has every right in the world to be angry at me. I’m angry at me. If I hadn’t been near Elizabeth she’d never have caught the virus from me.” 

“T’Pol,” Captain Archer frowns. “ _ Enterprise  _ is pretty tight quarters, she’d likely have contracted it anyway since the proper decontamination procedures weren’t followed, that’s why Phlox has submitted himself for review by the medical board.” 

“You support his decision?” T’Pol says. 

“Don’t you? A mistake like that cost a little girl her life. While I don’t think he should lose his license I think something like that has to be investigated.” Captain Archer says. 

“Trip does not seem to agree.” T’Pol mutters. 

“Trip is looking for someone easy to blame.” Captain Archer sighs. “He’s angry, and sad. He devoted his entire life to that little girl, loved her more then anything else in the world, I don’t think he knows who he is without her.” 

“The burden of a parent.” T’Pol whispers. 

“Yeah, the burden of a parent,” He nods. 

“Does Lieutenant Sato know?” T’Pol asks, “I know she helped a good deal with Elizabeth.” 

“The whole crew found out this morning, I made a formal announcement.” Captain Archer nods. “But yeah, she did help with Elizabeth a lot.” 

“Will she help him?” She whispers. 

“I’m sure she will, always has before.” Captain Archer says. 

“Good, because I can’t.” T’Pol says. 

“Right now you need help too.” Captain Archer says. 

“Vulcans don’t need help.” T’Pol sniffles, probably sounding pretty unconvincing. 

“Sure they do.” Captain Archer says. “And I’m gonna help you both if I can.” 


	29. Interest Paid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's the deal, I'm gonna upload the last two chapters today because I don't want to forget and they're short anyway so here you go. 
> 
> As usual any review would be appreciated 
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 29 

_ “When darkness was the price of light, we weren't afraid. _ _   
_ _ For the time we've spent was more than worth _ _   
_ __ Any interest that we've paid.” 

 

  * __“Learning Curve” by Sleeping At Last (Yearbook)__



* * *

 

 

 

In the next two weeks Trip hardly says a word to T’Pol. He’s been put on mandatory leave from work - for that matter so has T’Pol - and he’s no longer sleeping in his own quarters. He’s been living in Hoshi’s quarters, he can’t stand to look at any of Elizabeth’s things so he’s got a pile of blankets on the floor that he only moves from when Hoshi makes him eat something or tries to plan the funeral. Hoshi’s nearly as upset as Trip is, her eyes are red from crying most days but she’s still functioning. Trip has receded into himself almost entirely. 

The morning Enterprise arrives back at Earth Hoshi comes into the room around 11 am, carrying a duffel bag. “Your brother’s here.” She says quietly, Albert steps into the room from behind her and raises his eyebrows. 

“Hi Al.” Trip mutters, taking a shaky breath and standing up. 

“You ain’t even dressed yet little brother.” Albert chuckles, Hoshi glances at Trip nervously, he’s been wearing the same pajamas for two weeks, and he’s only showered twice in that time. 

“Ain’t had the time.” He mutters. “When’s the shuttle leave?” 

“Twenty minutes.” Hoshi says. “T’Pol and Captain Archer already left.” She pulls a t-shirt and pair of jeans from the duffel bag and holds it out to him. 

“Thanks.” Trip mutters. 

“You and Lizzie’s stuff’s bein’ sent to Momma and Daddy.” Albert says quietly, Trip nods wordlessly and shuffles into the bathroom. 

He rinses off in the shower, not bothering to wash his hair and starts to brush his teeth, he hasn’t shaved in two weeks either but he’s not going to bother with  it. Looking in the mirror it strikes him how much older he looks. His beard has flecks of grey in it and the bags under his eyes make him look closer to late 50s rather then mid 40s. He looks as tired and old as he feels. 

He comes out of the bathroom and Hoshi abruptly stops talking, looking over him she forces a smile. “Feel better?” 

“Dandy.” He mutters dryly, taking the bag from her and tossing it over his shoulder. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Hoshi says. 

“Yep. 10 o’clock.” He mutters, his chest tightening at the thought of the funeral tomorrow morning. “Come on Al.”

“You forgettin’ something?” Albert asks, pointing to the stuffed puppy on the pile of blankets. He’s been sleeping with Elizabeth’s stuffed toy next to him since she died, he goes over and picks it up, a sob hitching in his throat, threatening to be released. 

He holds it tightly in his hand and leaves the room quickly, Albert starting after him just before the door slides shut behind him. Trip is crying steadily by the time the reach the shuttle craft. He hasn’t left Enterprise overnight on more than 8 years, he even tried to avoid shoreleave and away missions longer than a few hours because of the risk they brought to Elizabeth. He couldn’t stand to put her at that kind of risk. Now he was leaving for what he felt would be the last time, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to return to empty quarters and corridors void of her laughter. 

“Wh-what were ya chattin’ to Hoshi about?” Trip asks Albert, trying to keep from breaking into sobs. 

“Nothin’ important.” Albert says, but his tone says  _ ‘you’.  _ Al must be as worried about him as Hoshi is at this point. They’re quiet the rest of the ride. 

The shuttle drops them off in his brother's backyard, he’d been expecting to have to take another shuttle or a plane from the San Francisco shuttle port. He looks around the backyard, a play house and a swingset are the most prominent objects but the rest of the yard is littered with toys. “Are the girls -” 

“Miguel took them to Momma and Daddy’s for the night.” Albert says. “They’ll be at the funeral though.” 

“Lottie’s what, 7 now?” Trip mutters. 

“Turned seven last month.” Albert confirmed. “Izzi’s almost three now.” 

“Grow up fast.” Trip mumbles, he’s glad his nieces aren’t here, he doesn’t think he’d have been able to look at them without crying. 

“Come on, Miguel should be back by now.” Albert starts off across the yard and Trip trails a few feet behind him. The hot sun of the rural Florida home beats down on his neck but it doesn’t warm him. 

He’d wanted to bring Elizabeth to this place for years, he’d grown up not 5 miles from here and he always wanted her to see his home town. He’d spent years trying to convince Phlox to find a way for her to be able to visit, even if for no longer than a few hours, long enough to touch grass and breathe real, non recycled air. Elizabeth never got to climb a tree, or learn to swim or go to school, and the thought leaves a lump in his throat. 

The drop in temperature that accompanies him entering the house pulls him out of his thoughts, he looks around at the small kitchen, it’s not that different from the one in his childhood home. Tiled floors, childs art work hanging on the door of the fridge and a small breakfast table over near the window. His brothers’ husband, Miguel, leans against the counter. He and Trip have only met a handful of times, Trip was in the expanse when he and Al got married and he’d only been able to visit every couple of years once Elizabeth came along.  

“Thought I heard y’all arrive.” Miguel says. 

“Shuttle pods ain’t exactly quiet.” Trip mutters. 

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Miguel looks at him with the same sympathetic look everyone seems to be giving him lately. “I can’t imagine losing one of our girls. I don’t know if you ate but we have bacon and eggs if you want some.” 

“I’m fine.” Trip mutters. 

“Okay,” Miguel gives Albert a wary look. “I set up the guest room for ya, it ain’t much but it’s got a warm bed.” 

“Thanks.” Trip says. 

“I’ll show you.” Albert offers, motioning Trip through the living room and up the stairs. The guest room is at the end of the small hallway. “I’ll let ya get settled, then how about you have somethin’ to eat.” 

“I’m fine Al. I can take care of myself.” Trip snaps. 

“Hoshi says otherwise.” Albert snaps back. “I’ll bring something up if you won’t come down but you have to take care of yourself Trip.” 

Trip closes the door behind him, he doesn’t want any of Al’s bullshit right now. 

The room is small, a single bed takes up most of it and an end table with a lamp sits between it and the closet. He drops the bag and flops down on top of the blue comforter, tears starting to fall onto the pillow again. 

* * *

 

T’Pol tucks her knees underneath her and rests her cup of tea on them, the view outside of the apartment window would be breathtaking if she had any breath left to give. She’d come down from  _ Enterprise  _ that morning with Captain Archer and was going to be staying the night in his guest room. She'd spent most of the last two weeks between meditation and talking to him in the evenings. 

“Got your tea?”  Jon asks, sitting next to her. 

“Yes, you only have caffeinated tea, but it will do.” She says quietly. 

“You had anything to eat yet?” He asks. She shakes her head and he gives her a look. “What do you want? We can order in.” 

“I am not hungry.” She says quietly her hazel eyes looking out the window at the bay. 

“Maybe a walk then.” He suggests. “Porthos could use the exercise and some sunlight might make you feel better. 

T’Pol doesn't respond this time, a walk may help Porthos but it won’t help her. Nothing will be able to help her, her daughter is dead and it's her fault, Trip has hardly looked at her over the last several weeks, she’d sent him the short list of Vulcan things she'd like included in the funeral service but she'd never heard back. 

“It's not your fault T'Pol, you have to know that.” Jon says. “No matter what Trip says it's not your fault.”

“It is my fault,” T'Pol looks back over to him. “If I had just stayed away then Elizabeth would be alive and happy right now, she’d be safe with Trip, just like I knew she would be.” 

“T'Pol, you're her mother, she needed you too.” Jon seems more distressed by her words then she is, it feels good to get them off of her chest. 

“I'm not a mother. I'm a contributor to her DNA, but that's all, mothers don't leave their children, and mothers certainly don't give them diseases that kill them.” T'Pol says. 

“You didn't intend to harm Elizabeth, you never intended to harm her.” Jon tries. 

“But I did, it's even worse that I always had her best interest at heart and yet always harmed her, I've been so deluded as to what she needs that I've twisted her needs to be my own. I never really put her first, Trip was right.” She whispers. 

“He absolutely was not, you were sick when you left her.” Jon says. “That's what depression is T'Pol, sickness. No one would've expected you to care for her if you'd been in the hospital with pneumonia, it's the same concept.”

“It's not.” T'Pol says. “I should've gotten help, from Phlox or anyone else,but I chose a cowards way out.”

“I can see I won't be getting through to you.” Jon sighs, standing up. “At least not right now, but I know it wasn't your fault. I'm going to go walk Porthos,”

“I'll stay here.” T'Pol says quietly. 

 

When he returns an hour later T'Pol is sat in the same spot as before, she hasn't moved and her tea is still untouched, though it's now gone cold. Porthos climbs back on the couch next to her and flops down with a sigh, and Jonathan stands in the doorway watching her. 

“Can I help you?” She asks. 

“No,  I'm just worried about you. You're my  friend, I'm allowed to worry.” He says it as though he afraid that she's going to snap at him about not worrying. 

“You won't have to worry much longer.” She says as he crosses the room and sits across from her on the coffee table. 

“Why not?” Concern laces Jon’s voice, she probably could've worded that better.

“I won't be returning to Enterprise.” T'Pol says quietly. 

“You just got back.” Join says, though he doesn't seem all that surprised. “You want to leave already.”

“There is no point in my staying, it will only cause Tension among the few and my daughter is gone. She is the reason I returned, I wouldn't have taken the position if not for her.” T'Pol explains. 

“I know why you took it,” Jon nods. “But there won't be as much tension as you think, Trip and Phlox have already put in for transfers. Trip can go just about anywhere with his skills and so can Phlox - assuming he keeps his license.” 

“I-I didn't know Trip was going to leave too.” T'Pol says. 

“I think he'd a he left a long time ago if not for Elizabeth, he's a great engineer but there hasn't been much room to grow in the last few years on Enterprise.” Jon explains. “What about you? Where would you go?”

“I believe I'll return to Vulcan.” She says quietly. “I haven't been back since my mother died and I still have my childhood home to return to, there's no reminders there.” 

“You're gonna leave me without a first officer again. I can promote from within in engineering but sciences is a bit harder.” Jon says 

“I have a few recommendations but it's only 10 months, promoting from within is good I think, at this point anyway.” T'Pol says “besides you can always make the new chief engineer your first officer if you need to.” 

“I know I can, But I'm going to miss you and Trip being around, you're my best friends.” Jon says. 

“I'm sorry Captain, really I am, but I cannot return to Enterprise now.” T'Pol says quietly, looking back out at the bay and disappearing into her own mind again. 


	30. Songs About Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so here we are, the climax of this little story. I believe I said in the beginning that it wouldn't be a happy one and that has certainly remained true here. I have enjoyed the last 8 months of writing, editing and publishing this fic. As of current I have 1 fic as a WIP and a series of one shots as a WIP too so I'll still be publishing those but not until August most likely so for now this is goodbye. Thank you for sticking with me through all of the craziness that lead us here, and if any of you remember Synesthesia then you get double thanks because frankly that story was terrible and I can't believe you stuck around even after that. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on the ending as they're really very appreciated. 
> 
> \- Galia

Chapter 30

 

_ “Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? _ _   
_ _ Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide _ _   
_ _ So we've been told and some choose to believe it _ _   
_ _ I know they're wrong wait and see _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection _ _   
_ __ The lovers, the dreamers and me”

 

 

  * __“Rainbow Connection” The Carpenters__



* * *

 

 

 

Trip wakes up the morning of the funeral after a fitful night, he’d slept in short bursts and found himself waking up and looking for Elizabeth. It’s before sunrise when he wakes and he lays on the blue quilt, watching the hot Florida sun rise in the sky before he pulls himself out of bed. He’s never been less motivated to leave the house then today.   
He forces himself to get dressed and looks at the picture tucked in his wallet, tears well in his eyes, Elizabeth looks so happy standing next to the engine with a big purple bow in her hair. He wipes a tear off of his cheek and shuffles down stairs. Albert and Miguel are sitting in the living room, both already dressed for the funeral. 

“Your girls are coming yeah?” Trip asks. 

“Momma and Daddy are bringing them.” Albert nods. “You gonna be able to do this?” 

Trip swallows. “I-I don’t know… When do we need to leave?” 

“20 minutes.” Albert says, “There's breakfast in the kitchen.” 

“I’m not hungry.” Trip mutters, sitting in an arm chair on the other side of the living room. 

  
  


The funeral isn’t a small affair, the entire crew of  _ Enterprise,  _ his family and Admiral Gardner and Minister Samuels had both come as well as Ambassador Soval and most of the Vulcan consulate. Trip walks over to where his parents stand in the front, next to the small coffin, a lump builds in his throat. 

The Florida sun builds down and the temperature rises quickly as the priest speaks, Trip is only half listening as he tries to gather his thoughts enough to deliver the eulogy. He glances over to where T’Pol and Captain Archer stand, he’s surprised to see T’Pol crying, he’d expected that steely Vulcan exterior to take over, but he still doesn’t have any sympathy for her. 

He moves to the front of the coffin to deliver the eulogy and swallows hard, looking around for a moment. “I-I don’t really know what to say.” He mutters. “There aren’t words to describe how this feels, because this shouldn’t be happening. Sh-she was a little girl. She deserved to run in the yard with her puppy, not to live her life confined on a starship in fear of death. You’d’ve never known it though, she was the sweetest of little girls - even if she did start trouble sometimes. She- she was my little girl. An-and I wanted so much for her and-and I’m sorry she never got that. Sh-she deserved so much more than what she got… and though she-she’s.” He looks away for a moment. “I’m sorry.” He mutters. “I-I don’t think I can -” 

The priest nods and Trip returns to his spot, staring at the place where Elizabeth will lay, right next to his sister, tears rolling down his face.

As the funeral comes to an end one of Florida's daily thunderstorms has begun to roll in and as the crowd is dissipating he feels someone behind him. He turns, T’Pol. 

“We’ll give you two sometime, come on Momma.” Albert says, ushering the family away, leaving only Trip and T’Pol standing there. 

“What?” Trip mutters. 

“I-I just thought you ought to know I’ve resigned my commision with Starfleet.” T’Pol says. “You will not have to work with me, you have no reason to leave as well.” 

“You know contrary to your thought process I didn’t leave because of you.” Trip snaps. “I left because I can’t ever go back to that ship without my daughter, it ain’t gonna be the same, it wouldn’t be home.” 

“I just thought -” 

“Let me finish.” Trip snaps. “I didn’t leave because of you, but that doesn’t mean I want to see you again. You’ve caused enough trouble here, for me and for Elizabeth. So this is goodbye T’Pol. I never want to hear from you again.” 

Trip doesn’t give her time to answer, he turns to follow his family out, tears rolling down his cheeks and rain beginning to fall. 


End file.
